As I wander through this season and through my days I see and feel roots everywhere.
I look at a tree, I can imagine its strong, gnarly roots spreading underneath the ground beneath me.
I pull out a sunflower plant, I can see its tangled, frail roots flowing freely from the bottom stem.
I find out about anger, shame, guilt, deep depression and can see the loneliness, brokenness and shattered roots within.
I know these roots.
They were my roots.
I was never enough.
I could never do enough.
(Anyone see the reason for the title of this blog?)
I never felt enough.
Oh man, was I angry.
I was missing whole days in darkness.
I was surrounded by love, yet feeling so alone.
What did I do my friends?
How could one possibly change roots?
Deep down, buried, from your DNA and how you were created: Roots!
How are those possible to change?
Something happened FOR me.
Yup, not TO me.
FIRST, I took 100% responsibility for what was happening around me, not because I was responsible for everything, but because I was responsible to acknowledge and choose how I was going to respond.
I realized I am a powerful person who has the power to choose my actions, who I surround myself with and how I choose to react to what’s happening to me.
Simple, yet means you need to be awake.
NEXT, I started looking at the negative emotions that constantly swirled inside of me. Those emotions that have just become a habit. A superhighway in my brain that would only take one word or even one “tone of voice” to send me speeding down into a three car mental pileup down the other end. I saw that the negative emotions were happening in only certain situations and with certain people. Most of my negative emotions were linked to my expectations I was placing on the people closest to me and my inability to simply feel good about anything I was doing.
Anger.
Shame.
Guilt.
Depression.
Yup, I was rocking them all, down Highway 97. Up and down, all day long. Even when I didn’t want to take the road trip. Suddenly, I would spiral down into the pileup.
NEXT, after I acknowledge where I was at, took a close look at the metaphorical branches, leaves and fruit that I had created in my life, I looked down into my roots.
What was brewing below these loud and proud negative emotions?
What did I really need to look at within myself?
What had I taken from my family of origin that no longer served me?
And glory to God alone, it became clear.
I was led to the Gottman Institute and this photo. 
When I was feeling angry, I was actually feeling something deep in my roots, which for me was actually shame.
I was feeling cornered.
Pressured.
Almost like I was being thrown off a boat.
Alone.
Helpless and scared.
Alone.
Misunderstood.
Trapped and not knowing what to do.
Alone.
My negative emotions that were speedy down that superhighway were speeding down a track that had nothing to do with where I want to go.
They were old roots.
Old stuff.
LASTLY, all I simply did to stop these mental car crashes was by creating new stuff.
I created a vision for the road that I wanted to go along.
I allowed myself to see and feel the negative emotions, but I didn’t stop there.
I looked at the roots, shook them out and started creating new habits, new patterns to grow some stronger, more positive and healthy roots. I started hanging out more with people doing the same thing, or slightly ahead of me on their root growing. I held myself to these new habits and kept a standard for myself.
These negative roots were going to whither and die.
I had made a decision to upgrade my root system.
New habits.
New patterns.
Growing with others.
New standards.
Healthy roots.
Healthier Joanna.
Have an epic Thursday and love what you do.
xoxo Joanna
"Be" ENOUGH 