Category Archives: writing

I am ENOUGH 

Well folks… it has taken slightly more than seven years and a weekend in a narrow hotel conference room to come to the realization about this blog and my life.  These last seven years have been about feeling like I am never enough and the journey to be enough.  Yup, all these post have been all about me trying to figure out what the f*** is going on from the inside out but my lense was focused from the outside in. 


I was trying to figure out how to be enough, do enough and to truly find fulfilment and meaning while being enough. 

But I was blowing in the wind. 

By others. 

By circumstance. 

By the season. 

Without any reason! 

Two and a half weeks ago, I was sitting in a hotel conference room at a weekend event with my nutritional company and incredible teammates.  (And as you read this you will realize that my business is built on so much more than a brown box of super foods but the super foods were what got it all started three years ago.)

This weekend, for me, was about getting honest with who I really am and how I wanted to show up in the world every single day.   The little sister, the high performance athlete, the mediocre student who wanted to be enough was going to be found that weekend and transformed from the inside out. 

At the beginning of the weekend, I shared how I always felt bad. Really bad! Truly, feeling like I never could be enough to anyone nor myself.   I spoke this out loud.  

I was brave. 

I dove all in. 

I shared my journey. 

Always striving. 

Always seeking. 

Always driving. 

Always trying to figure things out. 

Well folks, I figured it out!  The heavens parted and the light poured in.  I saw this Vision Triad: 


Three sides of a triangle and wham, I had figured it out. 

My identity was broken and a burden to me! I hated myself and who I perceived myself to be through other people’s lenses.  My vision and my purpose have always been strong and joy-filled with thinking about where I want to go with my life and why.  

I am a wife to Sexy Neck and a mama of boys. 

I am a jock. 

I am a wordsmith who loves to play with words and record peoples stories.  

I am a heartfelt friend who is very loyal.  

I am a child of The Father. 

I am a growth junkie.  

I am business builder for the most integral health and wealth company in the world. 

I am a guide in seeing people be set free. 

I am a millionaire who is a reservoir and river of money. 

BUT, why was I feeling held captive and why was I feeling bad all the time? I was missing my identity.  The third corner of my triangle was a crumbled mess focused on broken relationships, performance, perfection, peoples words and never being able to be enough.  

Cue angels signing. 

Cue butterflies fluttering. 

Cue laughing children.  

Cue zoom shot to my face. 

IDENTITY discovered!  Yup, that’s what this smirk is about.  

I found my fulfillment and meaning through many years of playing with words here with you alongside intentional growth all brought together in one weekend. 

What MUST I do in my life? What MUST you do in yours? 

I MUST be with Sexy Neck and my three boys creating magical memories and peaceful, joyful mundane moments.

I MUST express my energy with movement and set goals with a little bit of competition intertwined. Do you want to make a bet on it? Yup, always a competitive jock! 

I MUST share my love of words, my teacher’s mind, my growing mama’s heart by sharing my stories and others. 

I MUST surround myself with likeminded heartfelt friends who are honest and loyal

I MUST remember my ancestry, my scrolls and that I am a child of The Father. 

I MUST always be growing. 
I MUST always share mine and others transformational stories as a business builder for the most integral health and wealth company in the world. How is it possible the same systems can help people release a hundred pounds or gain twenty pounds in lean muscle mass? Yup, that is integrity. 

I MUST help set captives free as I know this former prisoner life. 

I MUST be a multi-millionaire who creates change in the world starting with our family, city, province and country. 

I am a strong, kind, intelligent woman. 

I am a shit disturber. 

I am significant. 

I am valuable to others. 

I am standing. 

I am grateful.  

I am a lighthouse. 

I am a Big Spirit. 

Success is lovely and I am having the time of my life. 

Being free.  

Being enough.  

I am freeeeee! 

I am enough! 

The bathroom mirror at Cafe St. Germain told me too: 


Thank you Rod, Ashley, my fellow Top 50 teammates and especially to Sexy Neck and my brood of boys for giving me grace and enthusiasm to be catapult me into exponential growth.  

✨🙏🏻Glory to God who’s power in us is infinitely more than we can ask or imagine. 

And that’s all folks.  Til we meet again on the other side of being enough. 

With gratitude for this journey with you. This isn’t goodbye, it’s a see ya later alligator. 

Xoxo 😘 Joanna 

I am ENOUGH 

Well folks… it has taken slightly more than seven years and a weekend in a narrow hotel conference room to come to the realization about this blog and my life.  These last seven years have been about feeling like I am never enough and the journey to be enough.  Yup, all these post have been all about me trying to figure out what the f*** is going on from the inside out but my lense was focused from the outside in. 


I was trying to figure out how to be enough, do enough and to truly find fulfilment and meaning while being enough. 

But I was blowing in the wind. 

By others. 

By circumstance. 

By the season. 

Without any reason! 

Two and a half weeks ago, I was sitting in a hotel conference room at a weekend event with my nutritional company and incredible teammates.  (And as you read this you will realize that my business is built on so much more than a brown box of super foods but the super foods were what got it all started three years ago.)

This weekend, for me, was about getting honest with who I really am and how I wanted to show up in the world every single day.   The little sister, the high performance athlete, the mediocre student who wanted to be enough was going to be found that weekend and transformed from the inside out. 

At the beginning of the weekend, I shared how I always felt bad. Really bad! Truly, feeling like I never could be enough to anyone nor myself.   I spoke this out loud.  

I was brave. 

I dove all in. 

I shared my journey. 

Always striving. 

Always seeking. 

Always driving. 

Always trying to figure things out. 

Well folks, I figured it out!  The heavens parted and the light poured in.  I saw this Vision Triad: 


Three sides of a triangle and wham, I had figured it out. 

My identity was broken and a burden to me! I hated myself and who I perceived myself to be through other people’s lenses.  My vision and my purpose have always been strong and joy-filled with thinking about where I want to go with my life and why.  

I am a wife to Sexy Neck and a mama of boys. 

I am a jock. 

I am a wordsmith who loves to play with words and record peoples stories.  

I am a heartfelt friend who is very loyal.  

I am a child of The Father. 

I am a growth junkie.  

I am business builder for the most integral health and wealth company in the world. 

I am a guide in seeing people be set free. 

I am a millionaire who is a reservoir and river of money. 

BUT, why was I feeling held captive and why was I feeling bad all the time? I was missing my identity.  The third corner of my triangle was a crumbled mess focused on broken relationships, performance, perfection, peoples words and never being able to be enough.  

Cue angels signing. 

Cue butterflies fluttering. 

Cue laughing children.  

Cue zoom shot to my face. 

IDENTITY discovered!  Yup, that’s what this smirk is about.  

I found my fulfillment and meaning through many years of playing with words here with you alongside intentional growth all brought together in one weekend. 

What MUST I do in my life? What MUST you do in yours? 

I MUST be with Sexy Neck and my three boys creating magical memories and peaceful, joyful mundane moments.

I MUST express my energy with movement and set goals with a little bit of competition intertwined. Do you want to make a bet on it? Yup, always a competitive jock! 

I MUST share my love of words, my teacher’s mind, my growing mama’s heart by sharing my stories and others. 

I MUST surround myself with likeminded heartfelt friends who are honest and loyal

I MUST remember my ancestry, my scrolls and that I am a child of The Father. 

I MUST always be growing. 
I MUST always share mine and others transformational stories as a business builder for the most integral health and wealth company in the world. How is it possible the same systems can help people release a hundred pounds or gain twenty pounds in lean muscle mass? Yup, that is integrity. 

I MUST help set captives free as I know this former prisoner life. 

I MUST be a multi-millionaire who creates change in the world starting with our family, city, province and country. 

I am a strong, kind, intelligent woman. 

I am a shit disturber. 

I am significant. 

I am valuable to others. 

I am standing. 

I am grateful.  

I am a lighthouse. 

I am a Big Spirit. 

Success is lovely and I am having the time of my life. 

Being free.  

Being enough.  

I am freeeeee! 

I am enough! 

The bathroom mirror at Cafe St. Germain told me too: 


Thank you Rod, Ashley, my fellow Top 50 teammates and especially to Sexy Neck and my brood of boys for giving me grace and enthusiasm to be catapult me into exponential growth.  

✨🙏🏻Glory to God who’s power in us is infinitely more than we can ask or imagine. 

And that’s all folks.  Til we meet again on the other side of being enough. 

With gratitude for this journey with you. This isn’t goodbye, it’s a see ya later alligator. 

Xoxo 😘 Joanna 

Be Getting Messy 

God embraces mess.I embrace mess. 

M

E

S

S


Look at the tree branches. 

How moss grows 

And water flows. 
Look at the mess. 

No straight lines.  

Only curves and twists. 

It is so enchanting! 

Mesmerizing. 

Keep looking deep within. 

Feel the mess inside. 


No more perfection. 

No more square corners. 

No more self-imposed rules.   
Colourful. 

Colouring outside the lines. 

Broken crayons. 

Using what I have. 

Where I am. 

Amongst the mess. 

Beautifying.  

Being open to the flow. 

Freedom to go. 

Where I don’t know. 

Embracing the mess! 

Be You/Do You 

Yup, do you!  

Two words that I heard a few weeks ago and they have been spiralling around in my brain like a bad swear word that you wouldn’t want to say in front of your mom.  It kind of sounds dirty but it was profound for me. 

I realized, in a light bulb moment that, I am doing so many other people in my daily life that I am forgetting to ‘do me’! 

Nothing like a good sexual innuendo, isn’t there!  

But, you know me and my fairly open-minded conservative diatribes, so what in the world am I talking about. 


What I am actually talking about is the beautiful metaphor of putting the oxygen mask on yourself before helping those around you.  

As I walk through my life I literally see people running out of air.  I watch them rush to drop off their children at school. Rush to pick them up.  Rush to activities.  Rush to make dinner.  I think you can see the ‘rush’ I am showing you.  This ain’t one of those good ‘rushes’, if you know what I mean!  They are holding their breathes through life, like I have the last few weeks.  

So, what am I suggesting that we do with this naughty analogy? 

🥇 First, stop doing everyone else.  Look around at the people in your life, look at your “to-do” list that you are creating on a daily basis and ask yourself “How many of these things on the list do I want to do?”  

🥈 Second, find a way to ‘do you’.  

Be you.  

From within you and then out to others.   

What pleases you? 

What do you enjoy? 

Doing you. 

How did I figure out how to live this “Do you” philosophy in life? Because really inspiring quotes and words are only great when we create some ‘action’ to go along with them.  Right?  Here’s what I did: 

I looked at the ambiance I wanted to create in my everyday life: I realized that I like having music playing while I make dinner and a candle lit when I am on Zoom calls for my nutritional coaching.  

I wondered about who I do in my life: I saw that I am able to have authentic, real and beautiful relationships without shame. I don’t have to stroll down the ‘walk of shame’ no matter what happens!  That shame thing was old stuff for me.  

Lastly, I looked at my assets and what I could give to the world: I realized I was giving away my greatest gift like a floozy, my time. I can choose what I want to do with my day and what I want to wear while doing it.  I am 100% responsible for my greatest asset, time.  I have started to treasure, organize and find freedom with my 86,400 seconds each day (and not be so free in throwing it away to anyone that walks by.) 

Ambiance. 

Relationships. 

Assets.  

How to ‘do you’! 

What are three simple things you could think of to ‘Be You/Do You’? I know it will be simple.  It may even be fun along the way.  Ponder all the energy and vitality you will have to share if you ‘do you’ first.  

No one else. 

100% you.  

Just you.  

Getting to know you.  

All day long. 

Do you! 

Be Open to Others Stories 

Our family got yelled at today!

Yup, “retired” guy yelled at us.  

Full on angry ‘yell’! 

Here’s the scenario and you can see the story from both sides: 

Our family of five had skied across the mountain to get to our favourite run almost on the backside of the ski hill.  It was a gorgeous, sunny, slushy-snow kind of day.  

We made it to the run right as the ski patroller was putting up the closed sign.  I spoke to him and asked if he was closing it because of hazards.  He said, “No, I am just closing it because it’s the end of the day.”  I looked at my watch realizing we had plenty of time to get down the run and then asked if we could take the run, even though he had just put the closed sign on it.  He asked if we were good skiers.  I assured him we were.  He told us to go ahead.  

As we stood at the beginning of the run, with its closed signs at the top, a “retired”guy came off the t-bar and proceeded to yell at us saying “Don’t you know the run is closed! It’s closed!”  

We chuckled and floated down the pristine, diamond-flecked snow on our skies.  And we talked about this valuable lesson.  

How often do we judge what others are doing as ‘wrong’ in our minds? 

I know none of us would yell at strangers, but how often to we do this? 

How often do we see what others are doing and create stories in our own minds about what is going on? 

Imagine now, like we did today, if we took the time to be open and get to know others stories.  


Imagine if we lived our own stories and just sat in openness about others? 

Kindly. 

Lovingly. 

Not being yelling “retired” guy in words or thought.  

Sitting in an open posture. 

Living our stories. 

Day by day. 

Being open to others stories. 

Kindly. 

Lovingly. 

Listening.  

Learning.  

Living in our story.  

Open to others stories. 

Be Wondering About Writing

As I wonder and wander through my daily life and hangout with my peeps, many of you have asked, “What are you going to be writing next?”

A few of you might now be wondering, “What do you mean next? What happened to the book that I have been editing for the last year?”  Well this happened:

i-am-free-book

I decided that this beautiful book about finding freedom on the inside and outside as a human being was just for ME!  And here is the book cover:

i-am-free-book-cover

Yup, it took me slightly over a year to edit and I decided to put this little baby into the filing cabinet.  And I feel free!  It was just for me.  It has been an incredible year of growth and seeing it written on the pages of a book over twelve chapters has been humbling and freeing!  I released it into the filing cabinet and for the last two weeks I have been wondering what WILL I be writing next?

I write every morning to pray and meditate over.  I write to hold and create my vision.   I write to pour out from within.  I allow my words to come out from pen to paper without judgement and without stopping.  It just flows from within, uninhibited, flowing wherever it wants to go.  I write to edify others.  I write to pour out inspiration on facebook.  I write because words do matter, they are the sword of the spirit.  They come from within and wield power.  My sword is covered with white chocolate and is meant to be sweet and easy to savour.  I pray my words always fill the sweet spot in your soul!

img_9135

Now what am I going to write, I wondered? And then I remembered these beautiful journals!  Letters to my boys that I started writing when I was pregnant with each of them.  Letters that I wrote daily or weekly about what I was observing as I have the privilege to watch them grow.  Writing between a mama and her boys, from my heart to theirs.  I stopped writing when my mom was living with cancer and since 2013 these journals have moved homes and sat in a cupboard.   And now as I have been set free from the book I completed, I am now going back to my boys.  Backwards to move forward.  Slowing down to speed up.  Writing to them, for them and with them as I watch them grow!

If writing isn’t your thing, what will you wonder about and where will it take you?

Wonder.

As you wander.

Be a human being.

Be present.

Be awake.

Be.

Enough.

img_9138

 

Be Holding a Vision

“We become more able to articulate our own boundaries, dreams, and authentic goals. Our personal flexibility increases while our malleability to the whims of others decreases.” (The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron)

In my mind, I am holding a vision of a life where I spend more time with my brood of boys and close friends than I do currently.   

Expansive hours together.  

Cooking, drinking, talking, shaking things up! 

Magical memory making moments all over the world.  

Eating breakfast in Germany, lunch in France and Swiss fondue in a mountain hut.  

Riding and boating through the canals from Amsterdam to Budapest.  

Skiing, surfing and visiting our friend’s south of the border.  

Big visions. Big dreams.  Big ideals… that will be exciting to watch unfold.  

I have been holding smaller visions and watching them unfold, so I just hold and watch, hold and wait.  

Taking little steps every day! 

Two weeks ago, we watched our neighbourhood Block Watch signs go up.  In September, I held the vision that our neighbourhood would have a block watch.  I talked to a few people, collected names, we attended a meeting and viola, the block watch is in place with 100% participation. 


Two years ago, when I started my health journey with my nutrition company, I envisioned that our family would rent a place at a local ski hill.  I didn’t have expectations on how but I knew it would happen.   I started talking to people and looking.  Soon, a friend heard we were looking and viola, we are now enjoying our second year at the condo.  


Allow me to be a living testimony that you can create beautiful, wild, wonderful visions for your life.  Hold tight to them and don’t allow the expectations of others or the ‘old stuff’ in your life to hold you back.  

Being myself.  

Listening to my heart.  

Living my life.  

Holding my visions.  

Comment below if you would like to share your vision: 

Being vulnerable.  

Adding accountability.  

While watching your visions unfold.  

Be In Relationship or Right? 

As I lay my head down on the pillow, I ponder relationships, as I often do.  My peeps.  My random people.  All humans who crossed my path today.   

I shower gratitude over the people in my everyday life: our neighbours, our friends, our teachers, our coaches, our secretaries, our service industry works.  

I feel sadness and wonder what I could do with those ‘lost’ relationships.  I wonder about what I could have done differently and I often come to the conclusion of: NOTHING. 

As I lay my head down on the pillow, I realize that some people would rather be right than be in relationship.  It is truly their way or the highway.  They actually like to be “highway patrollers” telling others how to drive on the highway of life.  For me, my patrollers, are no longer in relationship with me because I didn’t do what they wanted me to do.   I don’t want to drive my vehicle in their style.  They are right and I am wrong.   And I am totally okay with that! 

I may be wrong but I walk in freedom.  Complete and utter freedom.  As a recovering perfectionist, I am no longer afraid of wrong.  I am no longer afraid to fail.  I am failing faster than ever before as I learn about fueling my body and moving out of my comfort zones. (Because we all know that this is where the magic happens!)   I believe our greatest learning happens when we pick ourselves up after we fall down. I am no longer afraid of others judgements or insight in my wrongs.  I am too busy growing myself. I honestly don’t have time or energy to judge what others are doing. Plus, I value relationships over being right. 

I love my peeps, where we can talk honestly and opening about where we are at.  Our lives aren’t all glossy like a magazine cover, it is like a gorgeous diamond bracelet with the shine and shadows.   No one is striving to be right nor wrong but to be in relationship.  

Loving. 

Laughing.  

Learning.  

Living.  

In relationship! 💛

(This post is written in celebration of a group of women who met this morning to share the life and death of their beautiful mamas! #griefgirls) 

Be Working Out to Work Things Out 

It was snowing this morning when I woke up. 🌨

Large. 

Fluffy. 

Snowflakes.  ❄️

It was cold. 

I lifted my head off the warm pillow, put on my work out clothes and headed out the door. 

Gloves and toques on. 

(Sidenote: sending love to Joan and Christina this morning💜) 

And then I ran.  

On the road, around the trails, under the ski lift.  

I ran to work things out this Thanksgiving weekend. 🍗

I work out as much for my body as for my mind. 

I have encountered grief many times in my life through friendships lost, moving, injuries, and the loss of my beautiful mama. 

I have watched people journey through grief during the process of divorce, their children aging, losing a job, gaining weight, not getting a contract and even not meeting a business goal.  

Grief is a daily journey.  It is a daily gift to take us to a deeper place as human beings. 

Awake.  

Feeling. 

Beings. 

In this grief that I have felt and witnessed through others, I see that we have FOUR choices, daily, sometimes moment by moment choices: 

1. First, we can numb ourselves with an outside substances or activity.  I tried nightly alcoholic drinks for awhile after my mom died, my greatest grief journey, but this just numbed me even more, so now I rarely drink.  If what you are doing is not allowing you to feel, then consider taking a break from the substance or activity.  I take rest days now in my workout weeks, thank you Coach Garry.  This has helped me tremendously as I choose not to numb. The greatest gift we have is to feel.  

2. Create a life of busyness and be a human doing is a second choice that I had to ponder and overcome.   This perpetual busyness allows us to keep going, feeling productive, going through the motions, but not living as a human being.  This “get ‘r done” girl knows this one well. I now purposely take time throughout my day to pray, meditate and be. It is important to feel as we live with grief. 


3. A third choice would be putting our ‘stuff’ onto other people.   We need to be 100% owners of our grief journey.  No two peoples will look the same.  We can walk side-by-side momentarily with people, but we won’t always walk together for long.  The feelings and thoughts that grief unfolds is as unique as each individual person.  Be gentle with yourself.  Be gentle with others.   Anger showered towards other people is an energy suck.  Bless and release.  Thoughts about others journeys is pointless.  Bless and release.  Telling others how it will be is a lie.  No one knows what grief will unfold for people. Who knew I would become a triathlete author who loves loves loves helping people be their healthiest selves through a nutritional system I discovered one November day at boot camp? We can only share where we are coming from and then allow other grief journeyers choose what will fit for them.  

4. We have one more choice, that I see on this journey. Sit, lie, walk, workout and stand in our grief.  Feeling it deeply with gentleness. Allowing ourselves to go to a deeper emotional place in whatever ‘position’ helps you grieve.  

My laundry room is my sanctuary.  This is where I lie. A place where I can be alone and lie on the floor, feeling my emotions. I lay there yesterday, crying, feeling, thinking and shifting.  I reached out to a divine-inspired friend, shared my heart, felt, prayed and then shifted my state.  

This morning, I ran. I worked out to give my mind time to churn. Space to think about my mom who always created magical holiday memories.   Time to be in nature and allow myself to feel.  

And now I stand.  I am ready to celebrate this magical thanksgiving weekend with my boys.  I have proactively processed and know I can react to anything that comes my way. 


Numbing. 

Busyness. 

Owning. 

Feeling. 

Our grief. 

Our feelings. 

Our journeys. 

Walking alongside those fellow awake, heartfelt people.  

Keep going my beautiful friends. 

Working out to work things out.  

You are not alone.  

Be Saying Goodbye to the Backup Boyfriend

You remember in high school when you dated that guy?

That guy that you kind of knew was not the ideal match for you?

That guy that made you look around and think, “Well, if this doesn’t work out, no worries, I could date  _______________ (insert name of another guy)!”

Do you remember your backup boyfriend?  That OTHER guy that was your friend and that you knew you could always fall back on.  Perhaps its the same backup boyfriend that you made a pact with to marry if you were both single at thirty?

Well tonight, I am saying goodbye to a whole bunch of backup boyfriends.  There are no more backups for me.  I am taking 100% responsibility for my life.   My decisions are mine.  I run my thoughts.  I create my actions.  I can do whatever I want.  I am closing the book on a whole bunch of backups in my mind!

IMG_5331[1]

Goodbye to my beautiful backups:

  • My job that was ‘safe’ but not fulfilling, but had a good pension and benefits too!
  • The stuff I keep holding on to because I may “miss it”!
  • A mindset with certain family members that they will always be there if I “need them”!
  • Clothing or workout equipment that I keep around because I may wear it or use it one day!
  • People in my life that are beautiful to look at, but really don’t add any value.  People who aren’t fun nor stretching themselves.
  • Food that stuffs me down, rather than fueling me to rise up.
  • Trying to swim close to shore because “you never know”.
  • Any backups that you could add as you let this land on you?

I can no longer doubt my abilities relying on the backups to help me move forward.   I need to believe 100% in myself, letting go of the backup mindset!

Doubt and belief cannot live in the same space that I am creating.

Growing.

Without backup.

With excitement.

With gratitude.

For all that I am and all that I can do.

Being enough.

Being me!