Be Sh*tty

Tonight, I sit and I ponder.

I stir things around.

In my mind.

In my spirit.

I allow the hamster wheel of thoughts go round and round.

I allow the thoughts to stop the wheel on “I feel sh*tty!”.

I am not one to swear, nor one to go towards the side of feeling sh*tty.

Tonight I do.

Feel.

Sh*tty.

I have a dear friend walking the same journey that I did two years ago.  After a hospital stay and doctors doing what they can to prolong life, my friend’s beautiful mama is going home to die.

I have one of my best peeps in KCity awaiting to see if she has cancer in her body.  She had a biopsy to have melanoma removed from her back last week.

I have a fellow volleyballers who’s servant-hearted Dad is living with Alzheimer’s.

There is a girl in the boys elementary school that starts life-saving, on your knees “hoping for a miracle” treatment for a brain tumour.  This sweet soul was also in Owen’s preschool last year.

My cousin is back in town from up north to have surgery, the second surgery in a few weeks.

And my three wee boys are under the weather.

So, what do I do?

I lean into the people who love me.

I spend time carving pumpkins.

I look at the beautiful autumn leaves.

I take a week off from my teaching job, to sit, to serve and to be.

An opportunity to be where I am.

Sitting with my feelings.

Feeling sh*tty.

With gratitude.

For all I can do.

All of my feelings.

Being a human being.

Be Editing Your Own Words 

Do you remember the day that your family got their first cordless phone?

I sure do!

I remember holding the cordless phone up to my ear and then walking to the phone with a cord that was hanging in the hallway.

I remember speaking, singing and laughter into one phone while I listened with the other.  

I remember hearing the sound of my voice for the very first time.

It was crazy!

Wild. 

Weird.  

Blew my mind. 

Now, as I read the words that I spent many months writing for my “Be Enough” book, I have the same thoughts flowing through my mind.

Crazy. 

Wild.  

Weird. 

Blowing my mind. 


I actually can’t believe that I wrote some of the things that I did.  Sexy Neck assures me that it is like taking a walk within my mind as he reads what I’ve written.

Full of gratude.  

Humbled by my experiences. 

Feeling loved for those who have leaned in. 

Excited to share my love of words that flow out of every part of who I am. 

Back to editing in bed.  

Back to listening to my own voice for the very first time.  

Be Changing Your Colours 

The bright beautiful colours of autumn are surrounding us.

The colours express that change is in the air.

The greens transforming into yellows, oranges and firey reds.

The colours shout of our amazing earth, the vibrant life that we can live.

If we choose.

Change is life.

We will find health in the midst of sickness and find other likeminded people along the way.

Embrace it.

We will find quiet in the noise.

Seek it.

We can find solace in the chaos.

Allow it.

Don’t judge.

Just be.

As the colours begin to change and in honour of my country’s new Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, may we embrace our new change of colours during this autumn season.

With one hundred percent responsibility of our words and actions.

With change in the air swirling all around us.

Yellow.

Orange.

Firey Red.

Embracing change with all that we are.

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This post is written humbly in honour of a beautiful friend who went through a biopsy today and another amazing friend who sits at her mom’s side in the same hospital as well as my incredible teammate who supports her parents through many changes.

Be Not Computing

“So, friends, every day do something
that won’t compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.”
-Wendell Berry, Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front
The inspiring words behind this post.  The simple message of doing something that won’t compute.
Be unreasonably kind.
Do something loving that doesn’t make sense.
Don’t explain.
Just give not computing a try!
Let us know what you decide.

Be Grate-full

Overflowing with gratitude.  

Pouring out with thankfulness. 

Grate-full. 

My heart and soul are full! 

  
Thanksgiving full with nature, fabulous food, beautiful friends and my brood of boys.  

  
Our traditions.  

Our rhythm.  

Our choices. 

Our freedom.  

His fullness.  

Our Thanksgiving. 

A gift that keeps on pouring as we continue into this week.  

Grate-full for life. 

Celebration. 

God.  

   

 

Be Editing a Book 

Have you done something that you find unbelievable? 

I live in ‘unbelievable’ right now on a daily basis.  

I have spent the last few months pouring my thoughts onto paper through mind maps, on the computer in paragraphs and through old journeys from when I was younger.  

And now I am editing these words. Pouring over them with my heart and mind.  I am ensuring that every words represents my message and would make my boys (and my mom) proud.  

I am very grateful for Sexy Neck who edits for me nightly, my plethora of friends who are waiting to walk with me as editors and those brave souls, Karen and Rick, who edited my introduction and conclusion already.  

I am not sure what form this book is going to take, but I do know that I love living in the ‘unbelievable’ realm.  

Living. 

Dreaming.  

Wondering.  

Pouring out.  

Getting poured into. 

Editing a book.  

 

Be Doing What You Don’t Normally Do

I never go to “The Mall”.

Sorry folks, this is just not a place that brings me energy nor life.

The fluorescent lights.

Air conditioning.

And all those choices.

Whew!

Not my thing!

BUT, today I decided to do what I don’t normally do.

I WENT TO THE MALL!

Yup, all six foot of me, walked in and through the mall for a whole ten minutes.

I had not idea what I was doing.

Until, I ran into these two:

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Linda and Lil.  

Linda my good friend, mentor and Principal in Vtown.  And Lil, her friend from Saskatoon.

The craziest thing is that Linda is wearing a coat that my mom had given me as a teacher, that I had passed on to Linda when I gave birth to JC and didn’t think I would return to teaching.

My heart overflows.

My time with these two lovely women was amazing.

The reminder of my mom was a lovely moment.

Heartfelt.

Wonderful.

Women.

I think I may need to go to the mall more often.

Nah!  I think I just need to keep doing things I don’t normally do!

Be Giving Leftovers Away

I am wondering why we always give our families “leftovers”.

Our best selves are often given to those people we work with, see at the gym or in the line-up at the grocery store.

We smile.

Say a friendly hello.

Display consistent kindness and consideration.

We rarely raise our voices or yell in our workplace.

But, when we are at home, a different menu is being served.

The ‘leftovers” go to our families.

These lovely people that we have given birth to or have given birth to us.

Those people that we are placed on a family tree with.

Yup, those ones.

Can’t just erase a name off of there, can we?

The ones that get our grumpiest selves and our often complaining selves.

Those same ones that we show our ‘true’ colours to.

The ones we ignore, avoid and can’t say one kind word to or pretend to say kind words to, but it is meaningless.

The ones that we visit with and then nap for one hour on the sofa.

My journey, as I have watched my family of origin evolve over almost two years since my mom’s death, is that it is no longer okay to give my brood of boys my leftovers.

I want my family to know me the best.

My boys will get my best self.

I will give them the most smiles, the friendliest eyes and the kindest words.

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My family.

The one I chose.

Sexy Neck.

The boys I birthed.

JC, OC and CC.

8, 6, 4.

My brood of boys.

My best self.

All of my love.

All of my life.

Allowing space for them to be themselves.

Allowing myself to be me.

The full meal deal.

Me.

Be Watching Time… Tick Tock Tick

Is time rushing by you?

Do you fee the years slipping through your fingers?

What do you think and feel about time?

I have been reading a book called “The Big Leap” and his premise is that “time is not a pressure from outside, that we can make as much time as we need.”   As I read this last night, it was a profound moment.  The examples that he had in the book as well as his thorough explanation on time made me take off my Ironman Timex watch for the first time since I was a pre-teen.

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The gloves are out.

The watch is off.

I am taking my time back.

Getting rid of the words, “I don’t have time….”

I am going on a diet recommended by Gay Hendricks of “No complaints about time!”

Feel free to join me on my diet or help me with ridding myself of those words above.

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Tick.

Tock.

Tick.