Five Mother’s Days!
Five specific moments to ponder the gift of grief that I received when my mom died.
Five seasons of pondering, praying and seeing what my hamster mind would create with the unthinkable fact that I won’t have my mom’s physical presence with me until we meet in heaven.
Five Sundays to remember that I made a decision that nothing bad would ever come from my mom’s death.
And it hasn’t.
The moments where the waves of grief come over me have helped me uncover treasure.
The waves have washed away the debris and clutter. Clarity has come.
These waves have made me sit or lie down and ponder what pieces of gold that my mom gave me that I am now missing.
This grief has given me the privilege to see my mom’s life in totality from a perspective I never imagined.
As a daughter.
As a neighbour.
As a teacher.
As a friend.
Watching my mom’s life come to an end allowed me to see and feel in a new way! I was able to see and feel her influence, to this day, as my fingers tap on this keyboard. My mom/Super Nana’s presence is still felt in our lives by those who knew her and people that now know us, but never met my mama.
Below are the treasures I have discovered about my mom. Miraculously, now ALL these treasures are held and given to me by different people in my life, especially Sexy Neck! The light has overshadowed the darkness of the valley of the shadow of death. I am incredibly grateful for these treasures given in DEATH to me by my mom and now given to me in LIFE by my close family and friends.
The treasure box has been flung open:
✨ My mama had a golden heart. She was always open to others and felt things deeply. Her heart was incredibly good. It was pure gold. She was the most non-judgemental person you could meet. (And she never commented on my choice of clothing!).
✨ My mama had a silver stature and posture. She could have been a President of a large company or a Principal of any school, but instead she chose family first and help raise myself, my sister, my cousins, our friends and anyone she taught. We were given the ability to hold our posture no matter what came our way. She exemplified this. She even helped me keep my posture when I said “F*ck off” to our neighbour Chris H. by washing my mouth out with soap.
✨ My mama had a shining smile and life-giving words that flowed from those lips. She always found something good to say, even when people, in the same situation, may not have found something good to say. I remember when she was close to the end of her cancer journey and we were talking about her having cancer and she responded, “Why not me, JJ?”
✨My mama was clothed in humility. Her volunteerism, going above and beyond in all her teaching job was a treasure for me that I now out on every day. She created healthy boundaries but still often found ways to put others first. We often had our cousins on family vacations, neighbours over to swim and we even had one of my sister’s friends live with us for a year just because she needed a place to live. She was always helping and connecting with her three siblings and often our summer holidays involved visiting them or having them at our house. She was incredibly thoughtful and now I aim to be a magical memory maker, like she was for our family.
(My mama always made homemade birthday cakes for me and then my boys birthdays.)
✨ At the bottom of my mama’s treasure chest after all that gold, silver, shining words, and cloths of humility, I have found nuggets.
Not the nuggets that my boys like to talk about, but the nuggets that stick with you that you pass onto your children. Well, I guess in some way my boys did get their nuggets from me. My mom’s words about these specific topics still ring in my mind: marriage, parenting, the cycles of teaching, friendship and life.
💥 Only boring people are bored.
💥 Don’t share anything that’s negative with her (or anyone) about your marriage because they will remember and you may not tell them how you worked it out.
💥 Don’t be so hard on your oldest child.
💥 You are a great mother.
💥 Wash your hands before you eat.
💥 The same issues in teaching cycle around and around, just wait for it to correct itself.
💥Find friends who love the same things you do.
💥 Be a good person.
💥 Make your bed. (I have to admit that I still make my bed, but I really could care less if my boys make theirs.)
💥 It’s never too late to do anything. (My mama got her teaching degree in her late 40’s, took Spanish classes after my cousin moved to Spain and was cycling with a group in Mallorca, 90km per day, eight months before she died.)
💥 Make no excuses. Find a way to do what you want to do or ask for help. (I am not very good at asking for help, but I am working on that!)
💥 Be kind. Work hard. Make shit happen.
💜 MOM 💜
Her treasure box is open.
Feel free to take what landed on you today.
I thoroughly love all the treasures I have personally have been given and continue to discover.
Thank you God that light always prevails.
Always look for light, my friends! Even in the darkness, you will find a sliver.
This is my wish as we all celebrate Mother’s Day in our own way!
Take something from the treasure box of my mom’s life.
A golden heart.
Cloth of humility.
Nuggets. So many nuggets.
With gratitude for all the women in my life who have my mother’s loving, vibrant and thoughtful heart! I am blessed.