Hopelessness is a paralyzingly dis-ease. I have felt it in the core of my being, the deep down dusty place that seems hard to reach. Hopeless that circumstances will change. Hopeless knowing death brings physical disconnection. Hopeless knowing that I may no longer be the same.
But, I stand and lie down today knowing that this did-ease called hopelessness can be overcome. Our circumstance we absolutely cannot control, even though I thought I could, BUT we can control our conclusions about these circumstances.
One wintery day, only two months after my mom died, I make a conclusion that only great goodness would come from the gift of grief I received from her death. I decided that I would live in a negativity fast and a positivity feast, as Steve and Wendy Backlund describe it. Guess what happened? The last three years have been a walk in greatness. I have found my passion that melds my teaching brain, coaching mindset and mother’s heart. I have found my meaning and my passion for how I can be a permission for hope no matter your circumstances. Through great nutrition, an ever growing mindset and being able to learn new truths about myself every day through the circumstances around me, I have found hope and freedom!
Hope replacing dis-ease.
Hope in any circumstances.
As I wonder and wander through my daily life and hangout with my peeps, many of you have asked, “What are you going to be writing next?”
A few of you might now be wondering, “What do you mean next? What happened to the book that I have been editing for the last year?” Well this happened:
I decided that this beautiful book about finding freedom on the inside and outside as a human being was just for ME! And here is the book cover:
Yup, it took me slightly over a year to edit and I decided to put this little baby into the filing cabinet. And I feel free! It was just for me. It has been an incredible year of growth and seeing it written on the pages of a book over twelve chapters has been humbling and freeing! I released it into the filing cabinet and for the last two weeks I have been wondering what WILL I be writing next?
I write every morning to pray and meditate over. I write to hold and create my vision. I write to pour out from within. I allow my words to come out from pen to paper without judgement and without stopping. It just flows from within, uninhibited, flowing wherever it wants to go. I write to edify others. I write to pour out inspiration on facebook. I write because words do matter, they are the sword of the spirit. They come from within and wield power. My sword is covered with white chocolate and is meant to be sweet and easy to savour. I pray my words always fill the sweet spot in your soul!
Now what am I going to write, I wondered? And then I remembered these beautiful journals! Letters to my boys that I started writing when I was pregnant with each of them. Letters that I wrote daily or weekly about what I was observing as I have the privilege to watch them grow. Writing between a mama and her boys, from my heart to theirs. I stopped writing when my mom was living with cancer and since 2013 these journals have moved homes and sat in a cupboard. And now as I have been set free from the book I completed, I am now going back to my boys. Backwards to move forward. Slowing down to speed up. Writing to them, for them and with them as I watch them grow!
If writing isn’t your thing, what will you wonder about and where will it take you?
As you wander.
Be a human being.
As I sit, ponder and let my mind wander, I think of all of you reading this 2017 message. Each of my Facebook friends and all 996 of you that follow my blog. I want to pour out extra love to everyone going through their sprinkling of brutal and beautiful as I did three years ago. Couldn’t that be all of us? Isn’t life imperfectly perfect? What a brut-iful life we are living here in the stunning Okanagan Valley! A sprinkle of brutal, but ALWAYS beautiful!
Three years ago, I walked with my mom as she was being released into heaven. I walked as a daughter, an advocate, a pain reliever, a massager, a water getter, a midwife and had to make phone calls that I never thought I would have to, I think back at how brut-iful these moments were. Brutal moments where I just have to lie down and cry and beautiful moments where I lie down and rejoice! All magically weaved together into living each day with the gift of grief.
My boys were playing in their “Astronomer’s Lair” a few days ago, and I was very surprised to walk in and see them playing with old Tupperware bins. I experienced one of my brut-iful moments when they proceeded to inform me that the extra bed was a place for their beloved Nana. It was a lying down rejoicing and crying kind of moment! The boys were 2, 4 and 6 when my marvelous Mama went to heaven, but she is still very much present in our lives! It is slowly moving from brutal memories into beautiful moments. Don’t underestimate your power to leave an impact on peoples lives!
As I send you wishes for an healthy, energetic, adventurous 2017 filled with dreams, may you savour all your brut-iful moments knowing that they are neither good nor bad, they just are.
Day by day.
Living EVERY day.