I don’t have time to talk about you because if you are an important person in my life I am talking TO you.
I don’t have time to worry about if you have lost or gained weight, I am 100% focused on my own health.
I don’t have time to ponder what you are doing with your life, but I am praying that you would have a life filled with love, joy and peace.
I don’t have time to wonder why you left my life and want nothing to do with me as I am completely enveloped with love by the people who choose to spend time with me.
I don’t have any time to think about who you love or want to marry, I am focused on making my own relationships better.
I don’t have time to wonder why my family of origin has fallen far apart since my mom died. The rich relationships that have filled this Grand Canyon gap from my mom’s death and the ‘chosen family’ who shower us with encouragement are greater than any gift I could imagine.
I don’t have time to judge what you do with your money, your time or your relationships because God is showing me all the good He is doing through knowing you.
I don’t have time. I don’t believe in busy. I don’t believe in missing anyone.
I create time.
Busy is a swear word.
If I miss you, I reach out to you. The only people I miss are dead. They definitely don’t have any time.
The lady that will leave the largest legacy in my life left the earth.
Five years ago.
She breathed her last breath.
My dad at her side.
My boys and I sleeping at her house.
December 26th, 2018 7:00am
I set an alarm.
I woke and took a deep breath.
I began to ponder this adventure we have created these last five years and I must admit that I am shocked it has been five years living on this earth without my mama.
Some days, my breath gets taken away with grief and it seems like just moments ago that I was told that my mom had died. Other days, it feels like she has been gone for a hundred years. It truly is like the disciple Peter says: “With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. “
On days like today, I am able to look back and see five distinct legacies that my mom created for me and my boys:
My Mama was thoughtful! She was incredibly present with her people and truly saw how she could add value to their everyday life. She used her “spidey sense” to buy the best gifts. She really saw people and what they needed. Most days, she was the gift people needed.
My Mama was a “mover”! She was cycling in Mallorca, Spain eight months before she died, cycling up to 90km per day. If she said that she was going to do something, she did it. Plain and simple. Joanna, “I was to learn Spanish!” Boom, at 65 years old she signed herself up for a Spanish class. My Mama was an athlete her whole entire life from living on the farm, to playing basketball, to being one of the first moms to join a gym and finally her passion for cycling, hiking and cross country skiing. My mama was woman of her word and a mover to boot.
My Mama was creative! Whether it was when she was quilting, creating in the kitchen or working in her garden, my mom always added her own flare to what she was doing. She was never afraid to try new recipes or create something with our boys, even if it involved sparkles. My Mama was a creator.
My Mama was not perfect! She was the person who gave me permission to be perfectly imperfect. I saw her shed tears over the things that her relatives chose to do to her and I saw her unsure at how to respond. I saw her get angry and apologize. I heard her speak about other people and also then apologize. I watched her when I was younger as she moved jobs and share what it was really like to work as a teacher in an antiquated system. My Mama was a human “being”.
My Mama was LOVE! At 7:00am in the morning when the boys wanted to watch cartoons, she would let them crawl into bed with her. Whenever we showed up at her front door, my Mama always gave the very best hugs and made space for us in her life. Every time, I needed to talk with her, she listened. She listened really, really well. Time. Hugs. Listening. And so much more than my simple words can convey. Who could ask for anything more? Pure love!
Today on December 26th, we put on our skinny skis and went down the nordic trails to remember my Mama and my boys’ super Nana. We talked about the legacy that she has left for each of us. We cried. We laughed. We sent a balloon up to heaven. In rememberance. As a symbol of our connectness and the legacy that will never leave each of us.
With gratitude for every moment that I could spend with my Mama here on earth.
For the legacy she left.
With gratitude for the Mama that I now get to be for my boys.
For the legacy I will leave.
Thoughtful.
Mover.
Creative.
Imperfect.
LOVE.
And the greatest of these is love.
Unconditional.
Unwavering.
Unforgettable.
LOVE.
Remembered on the trails today.
And every day as we live out our legacy now!
Leave a beautiful, imperfectly perfect legacy my friends.
Aren’t you, like me, hoping that some person, thing or event will come along to give you the final feeling of inner well-being you desire? Don’t you often hope: “May this book, idea, course, trip, job, country, or relationship fulfill my deepest desire.” But as long as you’re waiting for that mysterious moment you will go on running helter-skelter, always anxious and restless, always lustful and angry, never fully satisfied. You know that this is the compulsiveness that keeps us going and busy, but at the same time makes us wonder whether we are getting anywhere in the long run. This is the way to spiritual exhaustion and burned out. This is the way to spiritual death.
Well, you and I don’t have to kill ourselves. We are the Beloved. We are intimately loved long before her parents, teachers, spouses, children and friends loved or wounded us. That’s the truth of our lives. That’s the truth I want you to claim for yourself. That’s the truth spoken by the voice that says, “You are my Beloved.”
These beautiful words are from the book called ‘Life of the Beloved’ by Henri JM Nouwen. This is an author that my counselor recommended that I begin reading. His books have tremendously blessed me. And today my prayer for myself, my dear family, my friends and every person that reads these words today would know that they are God’s Beloved.
Uniquely created.
With individual DNA.
Distinct fingerprints.
Exclusive ancestry.
Chosen by God.
Yes.
You.
Me.
All creation shouts His name.
May this fall season encourage us all to see with our hearts, minds, bodies and spirits that we are uniquely His BELOVED.
Sometimes I read Beth Moore’s daily devotional called “Breaking Free” and the words float on by. Often, I am in the exact same place as I read her word and scripture for the day and I am blown away.
Here was yesterday’s devotional:
I was blown away as we ponder our time together as a family, our life in church, my new job and the ‘shoulds’ we perceive in our life.
May prayer continue to be our priority. I know I could ‘should’ all over myself every day and miss opportunities to truly live!
When I asked my old bible study group in Vtown to pray for a new babysitter for us, I didn’t envision ending up lying on the floor in tears with a new DVD to watch. BUT I DID!
Last night the bible study girls were doing their study on listening to God. I am doing it here on my own, just soaking up the study from Priscilla Shirer like cocoa butter lotion.
The basics of the study for me so far have been:
1. God wants to have a relationship with me, yup me! This ain’t about no religion nor specific church.
2. God is present all around me through His word, nature, people and circumstances. (I think I have seen that with all the coincidences lately)
3. To quiet the distractions of this world, I can be aware of God by opening my eyes and my heart as well as by just creating space and time. I do this by not watching TV nor running around like a crazy, busy woman.
Last night, I specifically asked the girls to pray for a new babysitter for us, as our babysitter is going to work at a Vineyard on March 1st.
Here is what happened next via Facebook messages with my awesome hugging friend, Karen:
Here’s the evidence:
Yup, God even reveals his goodness and love for ME through Nanny McPhee DVD’s.
(My apologies for my incoherent Facebook response. I hope you got the gist. It was hard to write while in tears on the floor!)
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"Be" ENOUGH 