Tag Archives: Jesus Christ

Be Not Knowing

Hmpppff, we are two months and ten days into a six week renovation project.  We bought a “smokers” house.  Here and here are the sordid details.   It has been a difficult process for me.  More of the groaning and moaning here.  But nothing compares to the constant not knowing of the “mass” that lays in my mama’s abdomen.

Here’s my mom!

As we have been renovating, we have been living with my parents in their basement.  (No we don’t play video games!)

I have been completely baffled watching my mom in pain, on the couch or in her bed.

MY MOM RODE HER BIKE IN SPAIN IN APRIL WITH PEOPLE TRAINING FOR THE TOUR DE FRANCE!  MY MOM WAS RIDING 90KMS PER DAY.  MY MOM EVEN FELL OFF HER BIKE THREE TIMES!  HOW CAN THIS BE HAPPENING? Now my yelling will stop, sorry about that.

Anyways, the ebb and flow of my parents lives has changed into this every day living of “unknowing”.  Unknowing of whether my mom will get out of bed or will be able to fall asleep.  Not knowing what she will want to eat that day.  Unknowing of how to help or not to help depending on what she needs.   When to sit beside her and when to step aside.

I am living between two words right now, the one we are trying to create in our new home 60kms down the lake and my life here living with my parents and trying to support my mom and dad through their pain and grief.

Every day though, I have hope.  Hope knowing that God does know.  Hope knowing that He has placed people around me who can empathize, who really listen and hear what I am trying to convey.  I have hope that God wants to prosper us all, not by the words standards, but by His!

Glory to God alone.  It’s okay that I don’t know.  It is going to be very interesting to see how everything works out.

(This post has been percolating for awhile in my hamster wheel brain and I pray that it conveys the strength of my parents, the shock of this illness and the hope we place in God. )

Be Knowing About Alcoholism

Boys, come sit down on our virtual couch tonight, we need to have a heart-to-heart chat.   I am going to tell you something very serious, very heartfelt and very important.

(BUT first, a cute  photo of one of Nana and Papa’s many costumes.)

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Alcoholism is in our family, our blood and it is something you need to be aware of.  No, don’t be afraid of it, just be aware.

Alcohol, like any addiction, will steal your days away, create a barrier between you and your loved ones and will make you do things you never thought you would do. 

We have a loved one that “relapsed” the last few days.  They went on a drunken binge.  They hit their head, which caused a gash that will probably need stitches or glue.   We know that they feel shame, guilt, sadness and all the hopelessness in their world.  

Unfortunately boys, there is nothing we can do.  They need God’s help.  

Addictions are powerful.  I know because I battle my daily addictions to certain foods, reality TV, Facebook and I am sure a myriad of other small things I rely on for comfort when my emotional storm comes.  Every day I need to be open to relying on God and those He has placed around me.  

I feel strongly that anything that harms your close, authentic relationships may be an addiction.  Are you playing too many video games instead of talking to your friends?  Do you think about playing video games all the time?  Or how about when you start drinking alcohol, you drink too much too often? Do you hide your drinking?  Do you think about when you can get your next drink?  Has anyone close to you mentioned that you may be drinking too much? 

Boys, please know that you are not alone, if you do end up struggling with alcohol.  Yes, alcoholism is in our family.   BUT,  it can be overcome, just ask your Great Grandfather who has been sober for over thirty years.  

May God grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference.  (From the Serenity Prayer that hangs on our bedroom wall)

Boys, I pray this day and many more days, that you will never know the sadness of alcoholism like we know, that you will never know the worry about what will happen next to your loved one with alcoholism and that you will never know the deep sorrow of coming out of a drunken binge.

Be Pigpen, Not Lucy

I used to know it all!

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I could stand on my box and spout off all sorts of interesting facts and you bet that I would always spell it write right.  Oh I had opinions, my friends, and they were usually right or wrong.

I used my six foot frame to play any and every sport.  I never rested, nor sat down very long.

My prayer life was as rich as putting a sliver of milk chocolate in a cup of hot water.

Almost four years ago, after the birth of our second child, my world fell apart.

I started having numbness and tingling, muscular fatigue, memory loss and other “annoying” physical ailments.   I felt despair that was like a river of mud.  I thought thoughts that were as dark as this muddy river.  I held onto my old self, but ended up having to let it go.

God was creating a new ME.

He used the people in my life to wade into the muddy water. My Tuesday night bible study leader, a faraway friend in Alberta,  a mommy friend from the beginning, a friend from University life, a teacher I taught beside and a husband who stood by me through it all!

I wouldn’t have survived the mud without the prayer of these Saints, the encouragement to keep putting one foot in front of each other and the opportunity to see miracles working through them.  God weaves everything together for His good, even my tingling, my problems and my “pain in the ass” attitude.

About three months ago, someone called me “Pigpen”.  I was tremendously hurt by this.  I stewed over this comment for days.  Then I felt extremely grateful and such depth of insight that it could have only been from God.

Thank you Jesus as I would rather live the rest of my life as Pigpen than as Lucy.

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PS.  Sexy Neck just told me that I would probably be more like Linus.  I like to be warm and cozy in my blankie.  HAHA!

Be Still

In the midst of decluttering, packing and keeping track of our three boys, I am trying to remember my word for this season: Rest.

For the last couple of years, I have been asking God if he could give me a word.  I have gone through prayer and peace and now it appears that I am moving into a time of rest.  I am not one to rest.  Actually, I have been described as a jet engine as well as a woman on a hamster wheel.  Ha!

I am making a conscious choice every day to get off of my hamster wheel and just “Be”.

A couple of months ago, my boys and I were playing in the driveway riding bikes and scootering.  Our wonderful Priest walked by.  I shared with him my word for right now as he asked how I was doing with all the packing.   He gave me a great meditation that I thought was absolutely amazing.  It comes from Psalm 46:10 in the Old Testament of the bible.

Here is how it works.  Read the verse, but drop one word each time you read it.  It is absolutely fascinating because each sentence is so meaningful yet so different.

Here is the meditation written out:

Be still, and know that I am God

Be still, and know that I am

Be still, and know that I

Be still, and know that

Be still, and know

Be still, and

Be still

Be

Beautiful.  May this give you a time of rest during your busy day.  Thanks Chris!

Be a Woman of Faith

We all put our “faith” into something. We have faith that our husbands will honour their marriage vows. We have faith that the furnace will come on the first cold day of fall. We have faith that our children will be safe in the care that we place them.

Faith according to http://www.merriam-webster.com/ is putting your complete trust into something and a sincerity of intentions, just to name a few definitions.

On May 16, 1993, as a University student, sitting in my childhood bedroom, I put my faith in Jesus. I asked the God of the Universe to show me he was present and he did.

Now I see my “faith” being lived out in the lives of my children. Each morning I have a quiet time to journal and read. I enjoy hanging out with Jesus and seeing what he wants to teach me. Most Tuesday nights I join an incredible group of ladies for a bible study/cry/laugh session. (You know women!)

Here are my boys one night before bath time, they decided to start their own bible study…