Tag Archives: pain

Be Leaning Into Pain and Moving Towards Pleasure

April 27, 2023 Be Enough 4 Comments

I have had quite a few lessons in life where I have had to lean into pain. How about you? Any pain coursing through your body and mind these days?

As a 15 year old, I had a very close friend who decided to hangout with older friends that partied, smoked and drank. I had to literally walk away from her as we discovered we no longer had anything in common as I pursued my athletic goals and knew that health was my future. It’s painful to lose people who you have been friends with you for years.

As a 21 year old, I was injured in my third year of university volleyball. Right after I hoisted the cup as the captain of my university team declaring we were the best team in Canada, I had to make a choice. I made a very painful decision to retire from volleyball after deciding not to do a surgery with a questionable outcome.

As a 39 year old, I grieved deeply as we moved from Vernon to Kelowna. I said goodbye to my parents living ten minutes away. We lost the routine of preschool pick-up seeing friends who had known us since before we had kids and having the beautiful Vernon Music School and the “Peanut” park just down the road. No longer could we drive 25 minutes up the hill to be at both world class downhill and cross country skiing.

Now in 2023, I am watching quite a few people in pain around me right now: Dealing with deaths, or divorces or illnesses or poor choices by those around them or …. just plain and simple pain.

What I want to say friends is: LEAN IN! Lean fully into the pain. I don’t believe that ignoring it, drinking it away, binge watching netflix or not fully acknowledging pain helps us as human beings in any way. Denial and distraction don’t really help us move through the pain. These two D’s help us get stuck!

Right now, we are personally having to lean into some pain, some uncomfortableness and a lot of uncertainty. I know that leaning into these feelings will help us move towards pleasure and not make any rash decision based on pain.

Not one single decision based on the pain we have experienced have been good ones.

Lean into the pain, then seek the pleasure and run towards it.

Sit against that wall in the darkness and feel that pain going through your body and then know the sunshine of pleasure will be just around the corner.

I have experienced it.

I know it.

I choose it!

Lean into the pain.

Feel it.

Soak in it.

Feel.

Deal.

Heal.

Then you will be able to truly make a decision based out of pleasure and not pain with the added bonus that you won’t make any rash or “bad” decision based on that pain alone, like we have done in the past!

Now, go have an epic Thursday and love what you do!

xoxo Joanna

author, blogger, God, Grief, mindset, psychology

Be Learning About Shame/Guilt

June 20, 2017 Be Enough Leave a comment

Brene Brown is the shame expert in our generation, but I want to add my two sense as shame has been my game for most of my life. I have been shamed, shamed others and watch people shame. It’s powerful emotion and one that can be used as a tool to destroy!

Your spirit.

Your belief in yourself.

Your belonging.

Your being.

First, let’s talk about the difference between shame and guilt to get this emotional, mindset roller coaster rolling down the track.

For me, the difference between shame and guilt involves the external versus the internal. Have you every had anyone ‘put’ something on you, that’s most likely shame. My most recent example was when someone criticized what I said during a conversation they overheard and then, without me asking for feedback, they told me what I ‘should’ have done. When I get ‘should’ on, I know it’s shame. Someone is trying to tell you what to do and wielding the shame sword to get you to do it. My father recently told me that “I thought mom and I had brought you up better than that.” Yup, I am 43 years old and that is called good ‘old’ shame.

No should.

Just could.

No shame.

Just guilt.

No swords.

Just freedom.

Guilt for me is a super power that comes from within. It moves you to deeper places. It helps you grow. It’s the feeling inside, “Oh, I could have done that!” You realize your mistake and seek answers to make it better for next time. It completely happens within. It could have been triggered by an external event or conversation but no one ‘put’ anything on you. It’s 100% coming from you. This happened recently with something I ate. I felt guilty afterwards because it wasn’t fueling my body but instead was feeding an emotion. My guilt allowed me to move into a new place thinking about fuel versus feeling foods.

Your spirit.

Your belief in yourself.

Your belonging.

Your being.

Free to live your life.

Free to make mistakes.

Free to listen within.

Everyone living without shame ‘put’on each other.

Free to get off the shame roller coaster.

Free to step aboard the guilt train.

Be Free.

Be Enough.

Family, positivity, psychology

Be Tweaking My Neck

September 21, 2015 Be Enough 2 Comments

Yessiree Bob, I tweaked my neck.

No idea how.

I wasn’t twerking.

Just living life.

I am so grateful for this time of tweaking.

Time to slow down.

Time to look at the clear blue skies.

An opportunity to be grateful.

No matter the circumstances.

I have work where I choose my daily rhythm.

I can put my health first.

I can lie flat on my back if I need to.

No day shall pass where I will not spend time in gratitude.

Even with a pain in my neck!

Look at this view:

Even in the midst of physical and emotional pain, we can find gratitude.

We just need to choose to look.

(From whatever position we may be in!)

Grief

Be Searching for Dawn

October 11, 2014 Be Enough Leave a comment

I start pedaling as the moon shines.

Darkness unfolds over me and through me.

The grief is vibrating throughout my being.

Tears come easily.

My heart literally aches.

I don’t know how to live another moment without my mom.

No recipe for grief.

No instruction manual or no expert that can tell you exactly what your journey will look like.

But I hold closely to my wise counselor’s words: just notice, don’t judge, just sit in it.

So I get on my bike and I sit.

Not responsible for anyone but myself and my grief.

Nowhere to go and no timeline to returned.

So I pedal and I wait.

I wait for dawn to break, hoping that my tears will be dried up by the time I need to return to my life, my beautiful life with my boys, and the wonderful people that surround me.
I see, now, that grief is no longer the end, it is simply the beginning.

An opportunity to shed unhealthy relationships.

A time to go within myself to look beyond the noise of the day-to-day stuff.

A new life to go deep inside my heart to realize how I want to spend my short time on this earth.

As I look south to where my dad grieves, where my dear friends live, I know that the darkness in grief is quickly lit up by the light of people that you deeply, deeply love.

This Thanksgiving, I am extremely grateful for every person who has walked through and beside me during this incredibly difficult and rich time.

My tears are now pouring out because of the gratitude that I feel. The sadness is replaced but not gone.

I think I will most likely live the rest of my life a humbled woman who misses her mom.

Kisses. Air hugs. High fives.

Off to attempt my first Thanksgiving dinner extravaganza. Now that would bring anyone to tears! Thank goodness for supportive Sexy Neck, helpful boys and old neighbours with sage advice.

Boys, Family, Grief

Be Letting Go (Happy Mother’s Day)

May 12, 2014 Be Enough Leave a comment

My grip is loosening.

My expectations changing.

I feel deeply.

The pain is an open wound.

I see with wise eyes.

I know myself more.

My hands are open.

My heart is free.

Free to love.

Free to let go.

Freedom is my daily journey.

The chains are broken.

Nothing holds me back.

Letting go of expectations.

Free to be me.

(12.05.2014)

—————————————–//————
Yesterday was Mother’s Day. My eighth Mother’s Day as a mom and the first Mother’s Day without my mom. I had many people write that they were thinking of me. I think a few were concerned.

I had a beautiful day! We spent the whole day in the yard, I painted outside, we ate together, we talked about mom and yes, we felt pain. Love overflowed through my boys, our peaceful home and the thoughts from my friends.

This open wound that was birthed when mom got sick will be open for who knows how long. BUT rejoice, I am not suffering. Each day I choose to sit and deal with my pain, my wound, my hole, the waves crashing onto me. This pain is in no way producing anger nor worry. This pain is not producing suffering which can lead to addictions, anger, resentment, wrath or …. During these days, I feel incredible peace and freedom all mixed up with incredible sadness. I feel freedom to live without excuses, with no expectations and without ‘doing’ a whole lot.

Here is this Mother’s Day in photos:

Thoughtful gift from my friend, D!

cancer, Grief

Be Existing, Be Okay Today

January 20, 2014 Be Enough 2 Comments

I exist in a world I never knew nor imagined.

I ponder my mom’s depth of knowing, her presence in all our lives and her amazing Sunday dinners.

I wait for my mom to walk through door and say, “Hi Joanna!”

I wonder how did she die and really what the hell happened.

I think about snowflakes, butterflies and my mom’s final smile.

I talk to the people that know our story, my dad, my cousins, my close friends.

I walk away from my old ways, my old complaints, the things that no longer serve me.

I hide from sympathy. I hide from shallow words and frivolous complaints.

I sit still and rest. Feeling my body for the first time in many months.

I watch, I look for some sort of sign. A sign from heaven.

I hover, waiting to see what unfolds.

I know I will be okay today and that is enough!

cancer, Family, Grief

Be Sharing A Quote (and a Nana Quilt)

January 18, 2014 Be Enough Leave a comment

“As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation-either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.”
Martin Luther King Jr.

My mom sewed this quilt for Owen as she endured her five month cancer treatment journey.

As she had done for each of the boys, she created a quilt for their ‘big boy’ beds.

Goodnight wee boys.

Enveloped in Nana’s creativity, thought and labour of love.

Ironically (or not ironically if you know my latest history with irony – here and here and here…)
Mom gave this quilt to Owen after her death as we found it in her closet waiting for his big boy bed.

Never bitter.

Never complaining.

Never fearful.

Mom.

Side note:
I just found the first quilt I ever made with my friend, Princess P. I had given it to my mom. I remembered how proud she was of me and how she displayed it in our living room. I also knew after many quilting conversations afterwards, that this first quilt inspired her own journey with quilting.

Inspired.

Inspiring.

Creative.

Mom.

cancer, Family

Be Repeating

December 19, 2013 Be Enough Leave a comment

We have our time. Hospice tomorrow at 9:00am. Not what we are hoping for, but mom needs to transition to new medication before they move her.

Dad and I are not leaving her side until she is through the hospice doors and in her ‘new home’.

Now we repeat with every painful moment:

Mama, we are here.

Mama, we love you.

Mama, today is Thursday. Michelle comes on Saturday.