We went to visit Papa.
We saw one of these:
But it was green.
It was the exact green transport ambulance that brought my mom from the hospital to hospice house last Christmas.
And what did my three year old say as we drove by this green transport ambulance:
“Mom, look! An ambulance! We can tell it to go to heaven, get Nana and take her to Papa’s house!”
I wish son! I wish!
My three year old thinks an ambulance took Nana to heaven.
He now calls my parent’s house, Papa’s house.
He wants to bring Nana back to Papa too!
Me too, son! Me too!
With gratitude for these moments with my boys.
We have a massive double-sided brick fireplace.
Well, we did until I started painting it white. As I covered over its dark and smoke-filled bricks with freshness, I began to think of my mom’s four hospital stays:
August 5th to 22nd
October 31st to November 3rd
November 17th to 20th
She spent her finally days on earth peacefully at Hospice from December 20th to 26th.
My mom had previously stayed at the hospital twice, once when she gave birth to my sister in 1971 then three years later when she gave birth to me.
This fireplace with all it’s nooks and crannies, tested my patience, bombarded me with emotions and almost made me give up. But like the hospital, my sole purpose was to keep my eye on my goal. My goal at the hospital was to get the best care for my mom and my goal for this fireplace was to get ‘er done.
I can’t say I enjoyed many moments in my mom’s last week in the hospital fighting for mom not to be moved again, fighting for pain medication and trying to enjoy my beautiful mom. I can’t say I enjoyed painting this fireplace. It took FIVE coats of paint and hundred of thousands of dab dab dab’s with the paintbrush.
I told Sexy Neck that the next time this thing needs to be painted I am going to take a sledgehammer and take it down instead.
The boys had fun attacking the fireplace with paint. It was very forgiving. They had fun!
The final product:
The newly painted double-sided fireplace.
I am afraid this painting has shown me that the fireplace may be done but my hospital journey is not.
I will wait.
I will do my work.
I will heal.
I will be back at that hospital making it better for other cancer patients.
Within God’s will.
With His help.
Sitting on mom’s bed as we wait to leave….
This scripture comes in my inbox from D:
“do not be afraid. stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today… The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still” exodus 14 vs. 13-14
I am so tired of fighting this medical “system”.
Today as I walk into Hospice, I pray I can be still and enjoy my mom!
Thank you for journeying with me, my friends! ALL OF YOU!!
We are waiting for the stretcher service to arrive to take mom to hospice house at 10:00am.
Room 323 is Sacred Ground. May God bless everyone who comes after mom.
This is a mark I made on the bathroom door last night to bring love and peace to our ‘smelly’ room. (3 girls for a sleepover!)
I am looking forward to not stepping foot into a hospital for a loooong time.
W flew in today on her magic carpet to bring her soothing presence.
W and I are having a sleepover with mom.
After finally listening to the nurses, mom is on good pain medication and snoring away.
We have our time. Hospice tomorrow at 9:00am. Not what we are hoping for, but mom needs to transition to new medication before they move her.
Dad and I are not leaving her side until she is through the hospice doors and in her ‘new home’.
Now we repeat with every painful moment:
Mama, we are here.
Mama, we love you.
Mama, today is Thursday. Michelle comes on Saturday.
Mama, we love you.
Mama, today is Thursday. Wendy and Peter will be here soon. Rea and Gail are coming tomorrow. Michelle is here on Saturday.
Mama, we are here.
Social workers rule! If you know one, hug them.
C-Warrior, our social worker just stole us a chair from another floor.
It looks like mom will be going to hospice tomorrow. We are staying with her til she transitions to hospice.
Here’s C-Warrior after stealing the chair:
I have purposely backlit her to protect her identity. What a light she is!
Here’s dad pre-chair stealing:
Look who came to visit nana and I tonight:
Santa, the giver of great gifts!
Thank you to all the Santas in our lives right now.
– Booking flights from Australia, Spain, Whitehorse, Vancouver.
– Heartfelt Prayer
– Thoughts about my mom and our family
– Food and water
– Kind, gentle care
– Good pain medication. (Just say yes to drugs when you have cancer.).
– Facebook messages/Blog comments
– Pictures to share with mom from afar.
– Michelle Miller (Pain Specialist) taking the helm.
AND so many other things.
Full of gratitude for God’s great mercy and for how He has used people in our lives today to help mom.
Mom ate some jello and cranberry juice!
More news to share tomorrow. Just trying to take it all in today. Whew!
Here’s mom’s room with a view:
She had a great morning!
She’s now off of her catheter, taking oral pain medications rather than intravenous and she enjoyed the morning watching curling and talking about shoes with M.
The surgery went very very well. There were no surprises and the doctors are excited to see what the chemotherapy can do.
We are filled to overflowing with gratitude. We have felt the love and peace of everyone who has sent messages and emails.