Tag Archives: emotions

Be Driving In Between

That drive between the new city and our old town is truly spectacular.

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the sun sets off to my side as I’m heading south.

i can see deep blue green lakes and mountains near and far.

the purple sky, blue skies, the red skies, orange skies.

the orchards, the trees, the snow on the mountaintops.

BUT my soul is filled with anguish as I leave my mom, as I drive back to my ‘new’ life.

BUT my heart is with my mama, my mama in pain, my mama lying, my mama sick and unable to live her life.

My mama My mama My mama.

Life is such a dichotomy – beauty is all around me in all of God’s creation. I am amazed by the nature that I see surrounding me as I drive.

BUT my heart aches, my heart is broken, tears fall, big huge crocodile tears fall down my cheeks

BUT I pray and I hope and I sit in my pain in the presence of God’s beautiful creation amidst the pain.

Mom was in so much pain today that she couldn’t be touched. All she could handle was a quick kiss on the cheek by the boys. I gave her a kiss on the forehead and it was like I could feel the pain emanating from your body.

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Peace Mama. Peace!

Be Knowing About Alcoholism

Boys, come sit down on our virtual couch tonight, we need to have a heart-to-heart chat.   I am going to tell you something very serious, very heartfelt and very important.

(BUT first, a cute  photo of one of Nana and Papa’s many costumes.)

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Alcoholism is in our family, our blood and it is something you need to be aware of.  No, don’t be afraid of it, just be aware.

Alcohol, like any addiction, will steal your days away, create a barrier between you and your loved ones and will make you do things you never thought you would do. 

We have a loved one that “relapsed” the last few days.  They went on a drunken binge.  They hit their head, which caused a gash that will probably need stitches or glue.   We know that they feel shame, guilt, sadness and all the hopelessness in their world.  

Unfortunately boys, there is nothing we can do.  They need God’s help.  

Addictions are powerful.  I know because I battle my daily addictions to certain foods, reality TV, Facebook and I am sure a myriad of other small things I rely on for comfort when my emotional storm comes.  Every day I need to be open to relying on God and those He has placed around me.  

I feel strongly that anything that harms your close, authentic relationships may be an addiction.  Are you playing too many video games instead of talking to your friends?  Do you think about playing video games all the time?  Or how about when you start drinking alcohol, you drink too much too often? Do you hide your drinking?  Do you think about when you can get your next drink?  Has anyone close to you mentioned that you may be drinking too much? 

Boys, please know that you are not alone, if you do end up struggling with alcohol.  Yes, alcoholism is in our family.   BUT,  it can be overcome, just ask your Great Grandfather who has been sober for over thirty years.  

May God grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference.  (From the Serenity Prayer that hangs on our bedroom wall)

Boys, I pray this day and many more days, that you will never know the sadness of alcoholism like we know, that you will never know the worry about what will happen next to your loved one with alcoholism and that you will never know the deep sorrow of coming out of a drunken binge.