Tag Archives: advice

Be Treading Water 

When you’re in the middle of the ocean, when you can’t seem to find a place to set your foot or something to grab onto, the best thing you can do is just tread water.



Keep your head up. 

Kick your legs.  

Move your arms around and around and around.

It’s pretty hard to notice the beautiful bird that flies by or the duck-shaped cloud above your head when you’re treading water. You can’t see the beautiful turtle swimming underneath you.  

It’s also difficult to have the person treading water beside you telling you what to do or give feedback.

The very best thing you can do, is just be with them. 

Try to find a rhythm. 

Ask God to be with your friend.  

Try to encourage them. 

Ask God to help you. 

Try to deal with your own thing you have going on.

Most of us are treading water in our daily lives.  

Over scheduled.  

Stretched in our finances and head over heals in debt. 

Always striving for more and better.  

No time to be with your chosen partner in a meaningful way, as the details of life almost push you over. 

Unable to attend to your children’s  needs because imagine how hard it is to tread water with a child holding onto you? 

We are really unable to do or see anything except the water enveloping us.  

I have treaded water during my November midterms in my first year of University.   To say that I coasted through high school, would be a mild understatement.  

I barely had my head above water my first year of teaching in a wonderful country school one hour away from my home.  

My body and mind were working hard when I had our firstborn son and caught mastitis.  I now joke that this should be a weapon of mass distraction.  Forget bombs, mastitis would level the strongest man.  

And now I have just come out of a season of treading water in the waves of grief.  A year and a half ago we moved cities, the day after this move my mom was diagnosed with cancer and we watched her die five months later.  Many relationships I had also died during this season. 

Now, I can finally really see and feel what is going on around me.  Isn’t hindsight wonderfully freeing? 

I now feel very deeply for those I see treading water around me.  

I don’t have much to offer but I do know what has helped me.  

Let go of the non-essentials.   What do you really need in your life? 

Lean in to those who love you.  Who accepts you for who you are and love you unconditionally?  

Hold on to memories made and to be made.   Can you look at old photos or picture a future holiday in your mind? 

Move you body in some way every day.  What gets your heart beating and legs moving? 

Eat to be fit, not for feelings.   Do you like to stuff your feelings with food?  I did and it didn’t make me feel any better.  

Hold on.  

Strap yourself in.  

God is the ‘Life preserver’. 

Ask Him for help, for wisdom and for guidance on the path of life. 

You are not alone.  

You were wonderfully created. 

In the messiness of life, your imperfect ways are a gift.  

Let go of perfection.  

Let go of the vision that your home will look like an one hour fixer-up reality tv show and your body like the cover of a magazine.  This is not real life! 

Give what you can.  

Be where you are.  

Be who you are. 

Be enough.  

One.  

Day.  

At. 

A. 

Time.  

Be Knowing About Alcoholism

Boys, come sit down on our virtual couch tonight, we need to have a heart-to-heart chat.   I am going to tell you something very serious, very heartfelt and very important.

(BUT first, a cute  photo of one of Nana and Papa’s many costumes.)

Image

Alcoholism is in our family, our blood and it is something you need to be aware of.  No, don’t be afraid of it, just be aware.

Alcohol, like any addiction, will steal your days away, create a barrier between you and your loved ones and will make you do things you never thought you would do. 

We have a loved one that “relapsed” the last few days.  They went on a drunken binge.  They hit their head, which caused a gash that will probably need stitches or glue.   We know that they feel shame, guilt, sadness and all the hopelessness in their world.  

Unfortunately boys, there is nothing we can do.  They need God’s help.  

Addictions are powerful.  I know because I battle my daily addictions to certain foods, reality TV, Facebook and I am sure a myriad of other small things I rely on for comfort when my emotional storm comes.  Every day I need to be open to relying on God and those He has placed around me.  

I feel strongly that anything that harms your close, authentic relationships may be an addiction.  Are you playing too many video games instead of talking to your friends?  Do you think about playing video games all the time?  Or how about when you start drinking alcohol, you drink too much too often? Do you hide your drinking?  Do you think about when you can get your next drink?  Has anyone close to you mentioned that you may be drinking too much? 

Boys, please know that you are not alone, if you do end up struggling with alcohol.  Yes, alcoholism is in our family.   BUT,  it can be overcome, just ask your Great Grandfather who has been sober for over thirty years.  

May God grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference.  (From the Serenity Prayer that hangs on our bedroom wall)

Boys, I pray this day and many more days, that you will never know the sadness of alcoholism like we know, that you will never know the worry about what will happen next to your loved one with alcoholism and that you will never know the deep sorrow of coming out of a drunken binge.

Be Rejected

To Reject: (OUCH)

1. to refuse to accept, consider, submit to, take for some purpose, or use

2. to refuse to hear, receive, or admit

Ok boys, here is some motherly advice.  I know in the 21st Century we have all sorts of quick and easy ways to communicate.  Awesome!

But if you are going to reject someone make an effort to do it the old fashioned way:

  • Write a letter and deliver it by hand.  Then run away really fast! (I know my shy guy could even attempt this one.)
  • Pick up the phone and talk to the person, no leaving a message sorry.
  • Better yet, pick up the phone and arrange to meet the person face-to-face.

Never send an email to reject someone, as you will see emails/text/twitter is always read with a more negative slant.  This mode of communication will harm relationships, especially those emails that are “reply all” rejection emails.  OUCH!

How you handle rejection and how you reject others (yes, it is okay to say no) will tell you alot about who you are and who other people are in your life.

Let me sit you down here in our virtual living room boys and tell you a little story.:

I dated a guy in high school.  (Yes, I know shocking! ) We dated and broke up.  (Yup, he isn’t your father.)  Nine years later… yup almost a decade.  I was teaching in a school in the boonies one hour from any type of major town.  I met a woman that was this guy in high school’s aunt.  (Yup, the world in small!)  We had broken up by communicating and we both handled the “rejection” well.  Thus, nine years later this guy’s aunt says: “I hear you are the sweetest girl!”   Yes, rejection hurts, but it is really how you handle it that counts.

Reject away with love, kindness and clear communication.

http://www.wikihow.com/Handle-Rejection 

Be Still

In the midst of decluttering, packing and keeping track of our three boys, I am trying to remember my word for this season: Rest.

For the last couple of years, I have been asking God if he could give me a word.  I have gone through prayer and peace and now it appears that I am moving into a time of rest.  I am not one to rest.  Actually, I have been described as a jet engine as well as a woman on a hamster wheel.  Ha!

I am making a conscious choice every day to get off of my hamster wheel and just “Be”.

A couple of months ago, my boys and I were playing in the driveway riding bikes and scootering.  Our wonderful Priest walked by.  I shared with him my word for right now as he asked how I was doing with all the packing.   He gave me a great meditation that I thought was absolutely amazing.  It comes from Psalm 46:10 in the Old Testament of the bible.

Here is how it works.  Read the verse, but drop one word each time you read it.  It is absolutely fascinating because each sentence is so meaningful yet so different.

Here is the meditation written out:

Be still, and know that I am God

Be still, and know that I am

Be still, and know that I

Be still, and know that

Be still, and know

Be still, and

Be still

Be

Beautiful.  May this give you a time of rest during your busy day.  Thanks Chris!