Be Not Knowing

Hmpppff, we are two months and ten days into a six week renovation project.  We bought a “smokers” house.  Here and here are the sordid details.   It has been a difficult process for me.  More of the groaning and moaning here.  But nothing compares to the constant not knowing of the “mass” that lays in my mama’s abdomen.

Here’s my mom!

As we have been renovating, we have been living with my parents in their basement.  (No we don’t play video games!)

I have been completely baffled watching my mom in pain, on the couch or in her bed.

MY MOM RODE HER BIKE IN SPAIN IN APRIL WITH PEOPLE TRAINING FOR THE TOUR DE FRANCE!  MY MOM WAS RIDING 90KMS PER DAY.  MY MOM EVEN FELL OFF HER BIKE THREE TIMES!  HOW CAN THIS BE HAPPENING? Now my yelling will stop, sorry about that.

Anyways, the ebb and flow of my parents lives has changed into this every day living of “unknowing”.  Unknowing of whether my mom will get out of bed or will be able to fall asleep.  Not knowing what she will want to eat that day.  Unknowing of how to help or not to help depending on what she needs.   When to sit beside her and when to step aside.

I am living between two words right now, the one we are trying to create in our new home 60kms down the lake and my life here living with my parents and trying to support my mom and dad through their pain and grief.

Every day though, I have hope.  Hope knowing that God does know.  Hope knowing that He has placed people around me who can empathize, who really listen and hear what I am trying to convey.  I have hope that God wants to prosper us all, not by the words standards, but by His!

Glory to God alone.  It’s okay that I don’t know.  It is going to be very interesting to see how everything works out.

(This post has been percolating for awhile in my hamster wheel brain and I pray that it conveys the strength of my parents, the shock of this illness and the hope we place in God. )

One thought on “Be Not Knowing”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s