Category Archives: friendship

blogger, friendship, teaching, Wordsmith

Be Talking TO or ABOUT People

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I was a “full-on”, “on purpose” teenager.  I played volleyball, basketball and ringette.  I travelled all over western Canada for my sports. I played flute in the band as an out-of-the timetable course. I had a boyfriend in grades 10 through 12 and a large circle of friends in my neighbourhood and around the city. I enjoyed Wing Wednesday at Earls on the bypass and even went to park my car at McDonald’s to see what everyone was doing on weekend nights that I was in town.  I am not sure if I was oblivious to gossip, but I definitely lived on the outside of it as I was having too much fun living life. 

Lately, as I contemplate my last few years, I realize that there are two kinds of people in life: Those that talk TO you and those that talk ABOUT you. (I am not sure how I skipped learning this in high school, but perhaps I got lucky learning this now!) 

If you are saying my name and I am not physically within ear shot, yup that’s talking ABOUT me.  If you have an encouragement or thought about something I did and you tell me directly, with no third party involved, that’s talking TO me.  For me, there is not a grey area for talking about and to someone, even if you are praying for them.  One can build someone up and the other rips them apart, step-by-step.  

Why did I decide to write this today. Well folks, I am hoping that as you walk through life that you will have people around you that always talk TO you. I would rather be around people that are busy bodies than spend five seconds with a busybody.  

I hope this encourages you on your walk through life today. Have a terrific Tuesday and love what you do. 

Xoxo Joanna 

author, blogger, friendship, health & fitness, Jesus Christ, Wordsmith

Be Writing a Controversial FB Post (Oct. 29th, 2021)

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Two years ago, during C@vid, I made this post to encourage every single person in my life. Back then and now, I made a commitment to never share my personal opinion or share anything about my personal health during this time of the greatest science experience during our family’s life. We made the commitment to watch without judgement, to pray without ceasing and to support every single person in our lives.

After I posted these words, I received emails about waxing and masks plus judgement that I was anti-wax and anti-mask. I found this very interesting.

Here is the post from two years ago, and you can take a look for yourself and reflect on where you were at two years ago with your friends who were stressed working in health care, friends who were stressed in general and others that were discriminated against here in British Columbia because they wouldn’t share their health status.

Humbly, here we go with sharing the FB post that included my smiling face and a big old high five hand in the front of the frame:

“High five on this Friday 🖐🏻 to the people who are waxed and unwaxed. To people who are doing their best every day. 😅🤗 To the people grieving deep loss from C, to the people afraid to see their doctors because of C, to the friend who’s family won’t speak to her because she isn’t waxed (even though she is now waxed but isn’t telling them!), to people supporting children with new neurological issues and cousins with enlarged hearts due to waxing. To people’s whose passion is coaching, but no longer can because their doctor is not recommending they get waxed. I SEE YOU!!! 🤩😍 I am NOT a fan of coercion or incentives for people to get waxed. I am NOT a fan of people having to police 👮🏻 other people (unless you are a police officer, of course)🙏🏻It’s obvious to me looking at numerical data and the hearts of my AMAZING friends, we need to do something different than the 100% focus on waxing. 😳😳😳😳 I am a FAN of seeing people healthy and free!

🥰 Thank you to ALL our coaches TODAY, and ALWAYS, who pour into our children and inspire them daily. Sending you LOVE today. 💞💞“

… and that’s all folks, that was the post that I am sure has some of the people in my life judging me in a certain light. It simply is a reminder for me that “we don’t see things how THEY are, we see things how WE are.”

Keeping being you and love what you do.

xoxo Joanna

author, blogger, Family, friendship, musings, radical sabbatical, time, Wordsmith

Be Having No Time

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I don’t have time to talk about you because if you are an important person in my life I am talking TO you.

I don’t have time to worry about if you have lost or gained weight, I am 100% focused on my own health.

I don’t have time to ponder what you are doing with your life, but I am praying that you would have a life filled with love, joy and peace.

I don’t have time to wonder why you left my life and want nothing to do with me as I am completely enveloped with love by the people who choose to spend time with me.

I don’t have any time to think about who you love or want to marry, I am focused on making my own relationships better.

I don’t have time to wonder why my family of origin has fallen far apart since my mom died. The rich relationships that have filled this Grand Canyon gap from my mom’s death and the ‘chosen family’ who shower us with encouragement are greater than any gift I could imagine.

I don’t have time to judge what you do with your money, your time or your relationships because God is showing me all the good He is doing through knowing you.

I don’t have time. I don’t believe in busy. I don’t believe in missing anyone.

I create time.

Busy is a swear word.

If I miss you, I reach out to you. The only people I miss are dead. They definitely don’t have any time.

Make time for what’s important to you folks.

Have an epic Monday and love what you do.

xoxo Joanna

friendship, fun, radical sabbatical, words, Wordsmith, writing

Be a Great Pyrenees (Post about Friendships)

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As a dog, I would previously have been seen as a fluffy, golden retriever.

I love human beings and can talk to anyone, anywhere. I have made friends after a 4 hour plane trip and even made a lifelong friend in a checkout line in Nashville. She complimented me on my shoes. We stayed in contact and then I ended up finding her the same pair of shoes and sent them to her.

My boys often ask me to stop “chitty chatting”!

I might be weird as I will talk to anyone, but I won’t be someone’s friend just because our kids do the same activities , our kids are the same age, we teach in the same profession or we live on the same street.

I love every ONE, but my friends are people who are authentic, straightforward, family-oriented and passionate.

These last three years as I grew through deep loneliness and even discrimination as I wouldn’t share or talk about the greatest science experiment our generation has gone through. My golden retriever spirit died. I have happily morphed into the ever-watching guardian dog, the Great Pyrenees.

I still see you, but I am not going to chase you to hangout with you.

Watching.

Looking for what will happen next, but not engaging.

Watching.

Waiting to see who will “see” me back.

Watching.

I have gotten more mellow, more calm and more still.

Moving from an every chasing Golden Retriever to a watchful Great Pyrenees shifts things up in the friendship realm and many of my friendships fell away in the last three years.

I guess when you are doing a lot of chasing, you can think you have lots of friends, but it is truly the friends that will stand with you in the calm and the storms as a Great Pyrenees that are here to stay.

Thank you to my salt of the earth friends from the past and those to come in the future. I love you and I send you a big virtual lick!

Have an epic Friday folks and love what you do.

xoxo Joanna

author, blogger, friendship, fun, psychology, Wordsmith

Be Thriving with the six to eight day per year peeps

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Summer 2019 is here!

And its SURVIVAL mode for those people being inundated with company, people they see six to eight days per year. I had an epiphany to share with you, one to make you THRIVE this year.

First, start by thinking about those 365 day per year peeps in your life. Who are the people you live with or choose to have in your inner circle? What do you have in common with them and why do you choose to hangout with them? What do you talk about and what do you love to do together?

Now, think about those six to eight days per year people. Next proceed to throw everything that you thought about and love about your 365 day per year people and fling it directly into the bottom of the swimming pool. These peeps that are in your life six to eight days per year, may be old friends or family. They may be colleagues from your spouses work that you attend conferences with or neighbours you only see in the summer.

Here’s my secrets to not only SURVIVE but THRIVE with these peeps.

Remember that everything that you thought and love about your 365 day per year peeps has been flung to the bottom of the swimming pool, now throw any negative thought or judgement about the six to eight days per week peeps in there too!

Get ready to look at you: What are your standards for healthy relationships and how do you want to interact with all people, no matter how often they are in your life? For me, this is pouring love and bringing the joy. I don’t share much about my life or even feelings at all, with my six to eighters, I save this for my 365 days per year peeps. But I do have fun with everyone. We eat nourishing delicious food. We go on and find adventures. We talk about travel. We discuss health. But I do not go into the deep end! Remember all that stuff that you had flung down into the deep end of the pool? Don’t go there! Oh I used you and boy what a mess it made.

These six to eighters can’t keep up with the change that happens in the other over three hundred and fifty days of your life. They can’t embrace the change because it would be like getting hit by a fast moving train. The people who can keep up, are on the train. Invested in you. In your inner circle. Those every day peeps who support and love you. The six to eighters receive the benefit of your high standards and love-filled hospitality. But that’s it folks. You may end up talking about things you don’t give a shit about for hours, but you ask questions and listen. You probably will end up doing mind numbing activities that were never on your wish list, but you will discover the joy and enjoy the ride. You will create space to recharge with who you are as you live these six to eight days per year. I exercise. I read. I spend a lot of time locked in the bathroom. I bring games I enjoy playing. I bring up new topics of conversations and then change it back once I see the six to eighters eyes start to gloss over.

Imagine….

Pure joy.

Overflowing love.

Judgement thrown away.

Negative thoughts too!

Thriving with the peeps who show up six to eight days per year.

Staying on your train, but diverting long enough to embrace other peoples rides.

THRIVING!

author, blogger, friendship, Goals, humour, philosophy, Wordsmith, writing

Be Saying Goodbye to the Backup Boyfriend

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You remember in high school when you dated that guy?

That guy that you kind of knew was not the ideal match for you?

That guy that made you look around and think, “Well, if this doesn’t work out, no worries, I could date  _______________ (insert name of another guy)!”

Do you remember your backup boyfriend?  That OTHER guy that was your friend and that you knew you could always fall back on.  Perhaps its the same backup boyfriend that you made a pact with to marry if you were both single at thirty?

Well tonight, I am saying goodbye to a whole bunch of backup boyfriends.  There are no more backups for me.  I am taking 100% responsibility for my life.   My decisions are mine.  I run my thoughts.  I create my actions.  I can do whatever I want.  I am closing the book on a whole bunch of backups in my mind!

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Goodbye to my beautiful backups:

  • My job that was ‘safe’ but not fulfilling, but had a good pension and benefits too!
  • The stuff I keep holding on to because I may “miss it”!
  • A mindset with certain family members that they will always be there if I “need them”!
  • Clothing or workout equipment that I keep around because I may wear it or use it one day!
  • People in my life that are beautiful to look at, but really don’t add any value.  People who aren’t fun nor stretching themselves.
  • Food that stuffs me down, rather than fueling me to rise up.
  • Trying to swim close to shore because “you never know”.
  • Any backups that you could add as you let this land on you?

I can no longer doubt my abilities relying on the backups to help me move forward.   I need to believe 100% in myself, letting go of the backup mindset!

Doubt and belief cannot live in the same space that I am creating.

Growing.

Without backup.

With excitement.

With gratitude.

For all that I am and all that I can do.

Being enough.

Being me!

author, friendship, Grief

Be Celebrating Another Nana

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This post has been percolating in my mind for many months.  Stewing, forming, mashing all up together in my head and within the deepest part of my heart.

How could I best pour out my words for another beautiful, vibrant, gardening Nana?

Tonight, I just decided to sit down and write.

Tonight, I am celebrating another Nana.

I remember one day after dropping JC off at school in Vtown, a very good friend of mine K walked up to me in the parking lot.  I am not sure where the little boys were, but K and I ended up standing in the parking lot and she shared her news.

Her beautiful mom, Wendy, was diagnosed with cancer and they didn’t think it could be cured.
WUMP!

If you know my friend K, you know both her mom and her dad.  Like my parents used to be, their lives were woven throughout the fabric of their grandchildren and children’s lives.  Nana Wendy was a Super Nana, just like my mom.

I didn’t know at the time, but K and I would walk similar journeys as grieving daughters and mom’s of young children as we watched our Super Nana’s and mom’s live and die with cancer.  My mom wouldn’t be diagnosed until many months later and would pass away two years before Nana Wendy.

On December, 29th, 2015, just two short months ago, I was able to be present and sit as K and her family celebrated Wendy’s life.  Ironically, it was two years to the day that we had celebrated my mom’s own life.

Wendy’s celebration of life was truly remarkable and not something that I soon will forget. Candles were lit.  K read a beautiful poem.  Her brother shared his mom’s life story and some humour to go along with it.  K’s daughter shared her heart.  Family and friends shared stories.  It was the most lighthearted, beautiful, inspiring, celebration of life I had seen.  I felt like I had the opportunity to sit with Wendy, getting to know her more through her family, while in her garden.

This moment reminded me about the depth of character, which we all have, that allows us to grieve deeply, yet celebrate a life.   This same depth allows us to smile at little children and be grateful for an unborn baby that K’s brother’s family was expecting, while feeling sadness about the loss.

Life is created in these beautiful seeming “opposing” moments, created by amazing families, like K’s!

It is about embracing all of lifes beauty at all times.

I am extremely humbled to call K my friend and to have journeyed this passage of time with her through cancer treatments, hospital stays, time in hospice and celebrating our moms lives and deaths.

With gratitude, I pour out these words.

With humbleness of heart for being able to watch this journey unfold.

With a great lump in my throat for the loss we both endure.

With sadness for our children that have lost their Super Nanas.

With love pouring out because of how our mom’s lived their lives.

To the max!

With laughter.

With a good book at their side.

A beautiful garden to tend to.

And a family that deeply misses their presence.

Hugs to our Nanas in heaven.

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