Category Archives: life

Aging, blogger, Grief, life, love, positivity, women

Be Having Grandma Hands 

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I was hanging out with twin three years old last week and one of the sweet souls grabbed my hand and exclaimed, “You have grandma hands!” 

I wanted to cry as I looked down at my hands. 

I realized in this moment that I have MY MOM’S HANDS! 

I almost bawled. 

I cannot even put into words the pure JOY that I felt. If I can pour a portion of the love that my mom poured into the world through her life AND her hands, I will be blessed.  

Grandma hands. 

To bless. 

To give. 

To share. 

To love. 

Thank you Jesus for giving me this vision about my hands. 

Thank you for the privilege to live long enough to have Grandma hands.

Happy Saturday lovely folks and love what you do. Xoxo 

Joanna 

author, Christianity, encouragement, Family, God, life, Wordsmith

Be Sleepless in Edmonton

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Last week, I returned to the town where I went to University as our oldest was competing in his first trampoline nationals. (Sidenote: You can see his journey unfold starting tonight on his Youtube channel: jcanflip) I hadn’t been back to the University of Alberta in at least a decade and I was giddy with excitement for this trip. Our oldest was going to be staying in the Lister Hall residence, where I spent two “University years” of my life. JC was competing in the Butterdome, where I did many courses and also spent time working out. We managed to stay at the campus hotel about a ten minute walk from the venue which was the hotel where my mom cooked many Thanksgiving dinners when I was playing volleyball. Did I set the scene on what a special trip this was going to be?

I spent the whole week of our time in Edmonton, sleepless. My mind wouldn’t shut off at night and I often woke up feeling unsettled and unrested. I have never had a stretch of sleeplessness this long in my entire life. Previously, after a few nights of sleeplessness, I would often fall asleep out of pure exhaustion, but this never happened last week. I didn’t sleep well and wake up rested until eight nights later when I fell asleep in our bed at home.

These were my few lessons from these eight days and nights:

✅ It is one hundred percent okay if I have sleepless nights. It didn’t affect my mood or any of my relationships with myself or others. I shouldn’t have “worried” about my lack of sleep so much when I was lying in bed nor when I was awake during the day.

✅ It is really important to be excited about the things we are able to do, but to also manage my personal expectations. I was excited to “go back”, but my expectations didn’t line up with reality. Can we ever really “go back”?

As I continue to recover from these eight days away, I know that more lessons will come my way, but I wanted to encourage anyone that may be having “sleepless nights” right now. Your body will get the rest it needs and it’s okay to lie in bed resting and awake. Our bodies and minds are truly incredible. Plus, you know me and I believe that God’s got us and can work through these sleepless nights. I know He did some deep work in me through these nights.

That’s all for this Friday night folks. Have an amazing weekend and love what you do!

xoxo Joanna

author, Christianity, God, Jesus Christ, life, musings, Self-help

Be Knocking Off the Big Chunks

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Overwhelm? Have you ever felt it?

Our family has lived the last few years in overwhelm with a plethora of multi-faceted situations

Death of multiple family members and then grief.

Moving.

Full on jobs.

Changing jobs.

Boys growing up and the adjustment that takes.

Health issues.

And now here I sit today miraculous typing on my computer about what shifted for me.

No longer overwhelmed.

No longer feeling that my life is overwhelming.

Here is what changed:

I knocked off some “big chunks” in my life.

First and foremost, prayer, the bible, thoughts about God and weekly church services became a priority.

Second, I cleaned up my sleep hygiene. My phone went into the bathroom. I started a wind-down time before bed and I only brought my book and Sexy Neck to bed with me. (I wrote about this back in February.)

Third, I started moving. I have a good friend that is a physiotherapist that says “motion is lotion”. I really do believe that by simply walking, I helped myself move in a positive direction. It also have me time to think and ponder my life. In February, I started off with walking for 30 minutes per day. I added on cycling in May and my husband and I started a 30 minuted 3 times per week boot camp two weeks ago. I cannot tell you how much better I feel. This big chunk hasn’t been easy. You can see where I was at a few months ago here. I am proud to say I have been again walking around in a tank top this summer and feeling confident (and safe!) to be me.

Lastly, I am sure you have read this before, but part of my journey on this earth has been to be a “human being” rather than a “human doing”. I once got a trophy from my book club for being an “Actionator”. Yes, I make things happen and relaxation is not my strong suit! haha. My last big chunk has been to really notice things and attentively listen to what people are saying, especially the boys. This has been huge for me. I have felt calmer and more peaceful simply by looking and listening.

(Sidenote: One random other thing that didn’t fit into any of my four points that helped me a ton was I decluttered my front entry. You know that part of the house that everyone sees when they come to the door? Mel Robbins in a podcast about decluttering mentioned this and it has been a GAME CHANGER! Weird, but true. So satisfying!)

Spiritual life.

Sleep hygiene.

Movement.

Immersed in the world around me.

Those were my four big chunks that helped me shift so that I can now focus on the little chunks (work/life balance, emotional health, decluttering my home, meeting up with friends, fixing a watch battery that has been sitting on my dresser for years, organizing neighbourhood block parties… plus jumping into a new job on August 1st.)

What chunks would you like to knock off to start your healing journey?

Have a wonderful Wednesday and love what you do.

xoxo Joanna

author, Grief, health & fitness, life, Self-help, teaching, Wordsmith

Be Restarting Your Health Journey – vroom vroom

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I can count on my left hand those that know that in 2019, before Steve’s mom died, that I was training for an Ironman triathlon. My goal was to swim almost 4 kilometres (2.5 miles), bike 180 kilometres (112 miles) and finish it all off with a Run/walk a marathon (42 kms and 26 miles.). I gave up on that dream when she died and we spent every few weekends in Vancouver for a few months. 

I can count on no hands nor fingers those that know the depth of my physical and mental health struggles the last three years. Here’s the honest truth on what the big picture looked like for me:

🔆 Two summers of not wanting to get out of bed even when the sun streamed in my window. 

💪🏻 Two plus years of sheer willpower and “push” to get off my butt to exercise, which has been a first for me in my entire life. 

🧥700 days of hiding under extra-large clothing, even in 30 degree Celsius weather. 

🙈 700 days of hiding, to be honest. Not wanting to see people, run into people I know or even reach out to friends. 

🙏🏻Tried two different counsellors, neither were a good fit. (or is it “neither was”? hahha)

😩Reached out to no one nor shared with anyone the depth of the pit I felt that I had dug for myself. 

👀The heaviest weight I have ever been in my life, even more than my three pregnancies or after my mom died. (This sure doesn’t feel good!) 

And why I am writing about this now and what changed for me? 

Did I lose weight? Finally found a professional counsellor I could trust?  Started seeing other human beings, outside my work, on a regular basis? None of these things happened for me!  

Four things did changed for me and they all involved random conversations with other people when I stepped outside my four walls. The message I am going to share with my stories is simple: If you relate to any of the six points I wrote down above, don’t wait 700 days to reach outside of your four walls. Right now, listen to a podcast, text someone, go for a walk, ask your neighbour for an egg or simply reach out to another human being in any way that feels good for you. 

The four things that finally helped me make some really HUGE personal shifts took place over a six month period of time. 

First, I have always been someone who listens to podcasts when they do laundry or when I drive or go for a long solo walks. In October, I was introduced to a podcast that began THE shift. Mel Robbins, your twice weekly podcasts have been something that have given me so many tips, moved me to take some small steps and gave me the shovel that started my dig out of my mental and physical hole. Your life journey is powerful and I am grateful that you share with us all. I gave your ideas a try.

Second, in October, I was at my lowest point of this two plus year journey. I was in Vancouver and a friend knew I was in town. We went for a walk and she shared about an App that helped her with her eating habits and overall health. I gave it a try. 

Third, in April, Steve and I were out for our evening walk and we ran into some neighbours.  They shared that they were doing a “Couch to 5km” walk/run program that was simple and tailored to what you want to do. (This was humbling to consider as four years ago, I would run 20 kilometres for fun on a weekend!) I humbled myself and gave it a try. 

Lastly, at the end of April, I was at a teacher’s conference and three of my colleagues were sitting around a table. Suddenly, one of them shrieked about a job that was available at our school and said, “You would be amazing at that!”.  They immediately called over my boss and she wholeheartedly agreed.  I decided to apply. 

In all of these instances, I was showing up in the world as my unhealthiest, unhappiest, down in the lowest point in the second most challenging spot in my life.  (My mom’s death was and is still number one!) 

But, I just showed up and walked. 

I showed up and walked some more. 

And I simply did my job to the best of my ability! 

Now, things are shifting in radical and profound ways (more on that in a later post!). 

Be you. 

Exactly where you are. 

Show up, how and when you can. 

Reach outside those four walls around yours. 

And watch things unfold. 

Let my life be a testimony that there is always hope. 

The best is truly YET to come for me, Sexy Neck and our boys. 

And the best is YET to come for you too! 

Strap yourself in folks for what is to come and love what you do! 

Xoxo Joanna 

Aging, God, life, love, men, Wordsmith

Be Married for 26 Years

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May 3rd, 2023

Today is our 26th wedding anniversary plus two days of me being 49 years old. The best part is that Sexy Neck’s birthday is two days from now, yes it is a fun week of celebration, at least this is what we thought when we were university students on our semester ended in April and Steve was getting ready to head to the National Team.

When Sexy Neck and I got engaged in November of 1996 at the West Edmonton Mall we were talking about a possible wedding date. We thought it would be hilarious if May the 3rd fell on a Saturday in 1997 so that could be our wedding date! Well, God knew that our brains would think like that and yes, you guessed it, our wedding day was on Saturday, May 3rd, 1997.

Sidenote: Sexy Neck was going to propose at the top of the rollercoaster at WEM, but we ended up getting in a disagreement because I didn’t want to go on it. He ended up putting the personally-designed ring in an ice cream, which I thought was the sweetest thing ever! I was shocked.

May 1

May 3

May 5

The beginning of May is a week of celebration!

On top of thinking about the date in which we decided, or God decided, for us to be married, I have been reflecting on being married for more than a quarter of a century.

It’s all about “choice”!

Yup, choice.

Not sex, love, infatuation, coercing, settling, changing someone, manipulation… it’s simply about a personal choice made daily by each person in a marriage.

I remember in the pre-marriage counselling that we did before May 3rd, 1997, the counsellor talked about marriage as being about a “daily choice”. As I sit here today, I couldn’t agree more.

My personal choices that I think about often are:

  • Do I bring out the best or worst in my husband?
  • How do I listen and also feel heard?
  • How do I show love even when I don’t feel the emotion of love?
  • How do I support my husband’s personal life journey even when it adversely affects my own life?
  • Do I want to be my husband’s biggest cheerleader or the “bring him downer” in his life?
  • How can I share my needs and also consider my husband’s needs?
  • How do you live with someone who has very different standard of timelines and schedules? (We shared a computer when doing our Bachelor of Education degrees. It worked beautifully because I always finished my projects a week ahead of time and he did everything the night before. And guess who always beat me in the marks department, yup Steve! Probably because I always stayed up with him and proofread all of his work. HAHA)

Choice.

Love.

Partnership.

Best friend.

Marriage.

Choice.

26 years baby!

Have a wonderful Wednesday folks and love what you do!

xoxo Joanna

blogger, Grief, life, love, Self-help

Be Leaning Into Pain and Moving Towards Pleasure

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I have had quite a few lessons in life where I have had to lean into pain. How about you? Any pain coursing through your body and mind these days?

As a 15 year old, I had a very close friend who decided to hangout with older friends that partied, smoked and drank. I had to literally walk away from her as we discovered we no longer had anything in common as I pursued my athletic goals and knew that health was my future. It’s painful to lose people who you have been friends with you for years.

As a 21 year old, I was injured in my third year of university volleyball. Right after I hoisted the cup as the captain of my university team declaring we were the best team in Canada, I had to make a choice. I made a very painful decision to retire from volleyball after deciding not to do a surgery with a questionable outcome.

As a 39 year old, I grieved deeply as we moved from Vernon to Kelowna. I said goodbye to my parents living ten minutes away. We lost the routine of preschool pick-up seeing friends who had known us since before we had kids and having the beautiful Vernon Music School and the “Peanut” park just down the road. No longer could we drive 25 minutes up the hill to be at both world class downhill and cross country skiing.

Now in 2023, I am watching quite a few people in pain around me right now: Dealing with deaths, or divorces or illnesses or poor choices by those around them or …. just plain and simple pain.

What I want to say friends is: LEAN IN! Lean fully into the pain. I don’t believe that ignoring it, drinking it away, binge watching netflix or not fully acknowledging pain helps us as human beings in any way. Denial and distraction don’t really help us move through the pain. These two D’s help us get stuck!

Right now, we are personally having to lean into some pain, some uncomfortableness and a lot of uncertainty. I know that leaning into these feelings will help us move towards pleasure and not make any rash decision based on pain.

Not one single decision based on the pain we have experienced have been good ones.

Lean into the pain, then seek the pleasure and run towards it.

Sit against that wall in the darkness and feel that pain going through your body and then know the sunshine of pleasure will be just around the corner.

I have experienced it.

I know it.

I choose it!

Lean into the pain.

Feel it.

Soak in it.

Feel.

Deal.

Heal.

Then you will be able to truly make a decision based out of pleasure and not pain with the added bonus that you won’t make any rash or “bad” decision based on that pain alone, like we have done in the past!

Now, go have an epic Thursday and love what you do!

xoxo Joanna

blogger, Christianity, Education, God, Jesus Christ, life, Wordsmith

Be Having Dreams and Nightmares

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I am not sure if you are a dreamer when you sleep or if you have ever experienced nightmares, but I am full entrenched in the dream/nightmare camp. For my entire life, I have always had vivid dreams and nightmares that I can remember even after I wake up. I can even still remember my nightmares from when I was child.

When I was a child, I would often have a nightmare of being in a wooden cabin where the floor would fall open, In other nightmares, there would often be fires in this same cabin. In grade six, I had a dream I could fly. I thoughts this dream was so real, I tried to fly away from a confrontation outside my grade six classroom. Let’s just say that it didn’t work and I couldn’t fly. On top of these dreams/nightmares, I would sleep walk. One time my mom caught me standing in front of my door knob screaming with my hand stretched out. (It was hot from the flames from the fire in my nightmare.) I also once went for a sleep walk out our front door. I don’t remember this, but I have often been told the story. Our neighbour Mrs. Wood was having her “bridge ladies” over for game night when my dad ran out our front door in his “tightie whities”. Mrs. Woods saved my dad and told him that she would turn me around. She gently guided me back into the house. I don’t remember a thing about what happened that night.

On top of some really vivid nightmares, I have also periodically had realistic dreams throughout my life. The main reason that this topic of dreams/nightmares came to mind today was because I have had many dreams about Jesus, the reason we celebrate Easter. If you haven’t checked out the story behind Easter, I highly recommend doing some research and especially learning about Jesus, Judas, Pontius Pilate, Barabbas, the 3 Mary’s at the empty tomb and Joanna. (I was named after my mom’s friend Joanna, but I don’t think it is a coincidence that my name shows up in the bible here!)

Growing up, I didn’t know about Jesus. I attended the United Church a few times with my family and I did piano recitals at my grandparents Anglican Church, but there were no deep conversations about faith or bible reading or any type of spiritual discussions around the dinner table. Once I headed to the University of Alberta to play volleyball (and kind of go to school. haha!), I was fortunate to get connected to Athletes in Action and a very spiritual family that was leaving a very legalistic, rule-based church. They taught me about the love of Jesus and the grace of God. They took me to church where the donation bucket that was sent around was a KFC bucket and the pastor was gay. Remember this was the early 1990’s, so this was rare. This led to a beautiful journey starting at 18 years old involving knowledge and experiences in my waking life and dreams about Jesus when I slept. I have had Jesus driving me in a car and been face-to-face with him in my dreams.

The craziest thing that happened in regards to my Jesus dreams is that I once went to a retreat centre in the early 2000’s in the hills of our city called “Seton House of Prayer” and when I was sitting in the retreat centre, I looked at the wall across from me. There was a painting of the face of Jesus from the dream that I had a year previously. (BTW, Jesus is not caucasian!) In this moment, I actually had to leave the retreat for a few hours and lie down. Shortly after the retreat, I was able to find a print of this painting and it now sits in our house. If you are ever wondering what my dreams of Jesus look like, feel free to come on over.

As we celebrate Easter and all that Jesus did for us as human beings, I pray that your heart overflows with peace, that your mind is filled with knowledge beyond your own understanding and that your body would be surrounded by God’s love. You are a treasure to him.

Have an epic Sunday and love what you do.

xoxo Joanna

career, life, time, Wordsmith

Be Wondering About “Work Day” Time

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As an online teacher in British Columbia, I can ‘almost always’ design my days. I do need to respond to emails in a timely manner and also attend periodic meetings, but other than those tasks I am able to design my days.

Learning samples.

Zoom meetings.

Home visits.

Emails.

Zoom chat.

All scheduled by me in cooperation with my families.

Truly free.

To design my days.

What a dream job!

Why on a work day when I wake-up at 7:00am, do I feel like I am already “behind” and when I wake up at the same time on a Saturday or Sunday, I feel like wonder woman who is already ahead of my entire day?

Work day.

Saturday.

Sunday.

Time.

Why on work days do I already feel “behind”?

Have an epic Sunday and love what you do.

xoxo Joanna