Category Archives: Family

Boys, Family, Parenting, Wordsmith

Be Living with Teenage Boys 

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Three weeks ago our youngest turned thirteen. The boys are now thirteen, fifteen and seventeen. Three teenagers in the house! I am not sure if what I am going to say next would be true for a family with mixed genders, but as we add a third teenage boy to the fold, I am noticing some patterns:

1️⃣3️⃣ – He wants to be more independent, but this independence often leads to boredom and then whining. He is embarrassed now when I drop him off to activities and doesn’t want me to stay.  Big feelings exist on the daily and we create space and honour those knowing this is “normal”. Bedtime tuck-ins are still mandatory and asked for every night.

1️⃣5️⃣ – We have solidly moved out of the early teenage stage and our 15 year old is now wanting his “mommy” again.  He is asking me to attend and actively watch every activity and loves one-on-one time.   He is making efforts to connect with others again, but still has big emotions, especially related to his siblings. Bedtime check-ins are a must and every night he asks, “Are you going to tuck me in?”.

1️⃣7️⃣ – This young man is almost an adult. He independently does most things and no longer wants any help with editing his writing from his wordsmith mom. The first few times that I did offer to help this year, he became minimally annoyed. (He is not one to move quickly to anger or sadness.). Our oldest now goes to bed later than us and is often the one saying goodnight to us, if we are still awake.

As we welcomed our third teenager into the fold, I now can internally say, “Oh, I have seen this before!” while I share a big mama hug and then gently correct a rude word or inconsiderate behaviour with a smile in my heart at these beautiful, incredible, growing boys.  We have always said that we don’t want to raise “robots” or “sheep”. I think we have done that!

I wonder what you remember about being a teen or what your journey with your own teens is like?  I am enjoying every second of this house of teenagers as I love change, evolution and watching people become their best selves.

Happy Friday amazing friends. Love what you do.

🤩 Joanna

cancer, christmas, Family

Falling Snow and Fluttering Butterflies (10th Anniversary of the Legacy my Mom Left)

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Reliving ten years ago these last few weeks has been a very tender and vulnerable experience for me. I have cried more times than I can count. I have felt so much sadness seeing grandchildren with their grandparents as it has showcased such a profound loss that my sweet boys have endured these last ten years with losing both their Nana and Grandma alongside watching how their Papa’s grieved. I have felt like a failure as I have tried to weather all these big feelings while being a present wife, parent, employee, colleague, neighbour…all while preparing for Christmas. The circle of support around me, again, I have purposely made smaller so that I can show up entirely authentically, just as I am, in this messy human experience that we call grief. (Any other grief sojourners strongly dislike these three words: How are you?) Our golden doodle, Winnie, has been especially close to me, often with her head on my foot (or on my lap when she gets invited on the couch!). 

Today is ten years since I wrote these words below. My mom, aka Super Nana’s, presence is still felt on a daily basis and her legacy truly does live on through our five lives and many others who knew her. For this I am extremely grateful. Thank you to my “salty” friends who have walked these years with us step-by-step in person and with us from afar. You mean the world to us. Thank you to everyone reading my words today, I am incredibly grateful for you.

I love you,

xoxo Joanna

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Crisp fresh fallen snow as I step outside.

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Dad has been by her side throughout.

He watched her last breaths.

Dad greets me at mom’s door.

There are beautiful butterflies on the door. (This is hospice’s symbol that the room is not to be disturbed).

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My big cousin by my side.

We step through the door.

Peace enfolds.

Mom is warm and quiet.

She is wearing a shirt with butterflies on it. (I think I need to lie down with all these symbols of snow and butterflies!)

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Her body is at rest.

Death has come to her body.

Thursday, December 26th, 2013 at 7:00am.

Kisses, kisses and more kisses.

I lay my head in her arm in disbelief.

In peace.

I lap up her presence.

I am enveloped by her love.

Tears slide down my cheeks.

My sister arrives.

We walk to the hospice living room.

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We light a butterfly light.

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Place mom’s special card on the mantle.

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M reads Psalm 23.

Dad talks about his sorrow and gratitude.

The boys arrive to an empty room.

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OC says. “Nana with God.”

A red rose is on the counter.

We say our goodbyes.

On the memory Christmas tree we write Nana’s name and we take an angel home for our tree.

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Then we lace up our skates and head out into the outdoors that Nana loved dearly.

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I love you mama!

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Christianity, Education, encouragement, Family, fun, God, musings, teenagers

Be Shifting a Grump

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🤔 Have you ever come across an Air Canada flight attendant that is obviously tired and grumpy? 

🤔 Do you have a relative that has an expiry date of one hour when your family visits and then they turn into a harsh, grumpy person? 

🤔 Are one of your teenagers waking up in a grumpy mood or bringing one home from school? 

💫 I have encountered all of these things and wanted to share some diddies today on what I like to do when coming across each of these grumps. 

✅ Ask them a question. This was my strategy for the flight attendant. I looked them in the eyes and simply asked: :Where is the best place you have flown?” She talked about when she used to live in Toronto and her trips to Boston, all with a smile. Boom shakalaka.  

✅ Remove yourself. Over the last 30 years as an adult, dealing with grumpy relatives has been a dance I have learned. Sadly, the best thing I have come up with has been to remove myself from the dance. I have tried asking questions or accommodating what they want to do or bringing gifts or food and try to be a lesser version of myself, but alas the removal from that person has been the best way to shift the grump.  A wise counsellor has also recommended meeting at neutral spots, (parks, coffee shops, restaurants etc.), but I have found that this only expands the expiry date by minutes not hours and is often not worth it.  Boo!  

✅ Smile and pray for them (or send them positive thoughts, if that’s more your jam). Ah teenagers. We are currently living with a tremendous trio of boys aged 16, 14 and almost 12. I feel as a parent, my job is to simply hold space for them as they deal with big emotions. Also, I want my teenagers to simply know I am here for them no matter what.  I really feel that a radiating smile and powerful prayers are like a force field that helps them and protects us as parents from being slimed by their “green, mucousy” grumpy ways. Yes, overall in life, I do think of grumpy people as being green and slimy. 🤣💚 

Don’t let anyone get their “stuff” on you.  

Random flight attendants. 

Relatives. 

Teenagers. 

All people that can slime you with their green grumpiness. 

As I say to my boys: Who’s in charge of your emotions? 

I am. 

I pray that my words will encourage you as you “live with” the people in your life with JOY and PEACE.  

Do you have a strategy for living a positive, joyful life no matter the emotional state of the people around you? Let me know. I always love to add tools to my emotional toolbox. 

Have an epic week folks and love what you do.  

Xoxo 

Joanna 

author, Christianity, encouragement, Family, God, life, Wordsmith

Be Sleepless in Edmonton

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Last week, I returned to the town where I went to University as our oldest was competing in his first trampoline nationals. (Sidenote: You can see his journey unfold starting tonight on his Youtube channel: jcanflip) I hadn’t been back to the University of Alberta in at least a decade and I was giddy with excitement for this trip. Our oldest was going to be staying in the Lister Hall residence, where I spent two “University years” of my life. JC was competing in the Butterdome, where I did many courses and also spent time working out. We managed to stay at the campus hotel about a ten minute walk from the venue which was the hotel where my mom cooked many Thanksgiving dinners when I was playing volleyball. Did I set the scene on what a special trip this was going to be?

I spent the whole week of our time in Edmonton, sleepless. My mind wouldn’t shut off at night and I often woke up feeling unsettled and unrested. I have never had a stretch of sleeplessness this long in my entire life. Previously, after a few nights of sleeplessness, I would often fall asleep out of pure exhaustion, but this never happened last week. I didn’t sleep well and wake up rested until eight nights later when I fell asleep in our bed at home.

These were my few lessons from these eight days and nights:

✅ It is one hundred percent okay if I have sleepless nights. It didn’t affect my mood or any of my relationships with myself or others. I shouldn’t have “worried” about my lack of sleep so much when I was lying in bed nor when I was awake during the day.

✅ It is really important to be excited about the things we are able to do, but to also manage my personal expectations. I was excited to “go back”, but my expectations didn’t line up with reality. Can we ever really “go back”?

As I continue to recover from these eight days away, I know that more lessons will come my way, but I wanted to encourage anyone that may be having “sleepless nights” right now. Your body will get the rest it needs and it’s okay to lie in bed resting and awake. Our bodies and minds are truly incredible. Plus, you know me and I believe that God’s got us and can work through these sleepless nights. I know He did some deep work in me through these nights.

That’s all for this Friday night folks. Have an amazing weekend and love what you do!

xoxo Joanna

author, blogger, Family, finance, Flexibility, home learning, Parenting, Wordsmith

Be Compartmentalizing your Life

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When I was a ten years old, I remember lining up at the Scotia bank in Spruceland strip mall with my dad on Friday afternoons so that he could get cash for the weekend before the bank closed. This is such a vivid memory that I can even remember some of the clothes I was wearing when I went and some of conversations we had with people as we lined up (weekend fishing trips, accidents that happened in the bush, local hockey scores…).

When was the last time you lined up or were at the bank in person?

This week?

Last week?

A month ago?

A year ago?

I am genuinely curious. Would you let me know?

My bet is that you are like me and you are checking your banking online at home, scanning in any cheques you receive and receiving and sending e-transfers rather than going to the physical bank building. And this story about banking is exactly why I want to talk about “compartmentalizing your life”.

(Sidenote: I am actually speaking to myself about this topic, but I thought you would all like to be a part of my musings and unconnected thoughts and personal stories as I connect them.)

August 1st, 2023, I am starting on a new teaching/work adventure and right now I am dialing in my schedule and thinking about what I do during each day that I really need to account for and compartmentalized. I am not only thinking of every single thing that I do throughout my day in person, but also what I am doing online. My brain hurts a bit. Have you ever tried to account for everything you do within a week?

My first stop on this brain train has started with banking. I do banking throughout my days as bills arrive, as e-transfer requests come through and check our banking regularly as money moves in and out of our account monthly. Banking is now moving over to Sexy Neck. Boom shakalaka. He now has a handy-dandy chart with everything that regularly moves in and out of our account plus a lovely storage system for the boys and I to use to place the bills. Viola, first stop done.

My second stop has been around regular house cleaning. What currently happens around our house, well until yesterday, is that I do cleaning during the weekdays so that we don’t spend the evenings and weekends doing this chore. What did I do with this gargantuan list? I hired a cleaner. Yup, I did. This goes back to my first year of teaching when we had our beautiful friend Faye clean for us. It was such a gift. I decided to take on a few extra students and give myself the gift of a clean home every two weeks. Write a Student Learning Plan and report cards or clean? I am choosing SLP’s and report cards any day of the week!

My last stop as I have gone down this list making exercise to compartmentalize what I do in my day-to-day life involves redefining the blue (Sexy Neck) and pink (mine) jobs in our lives as parents as we raise three amazing young men into adulthood. (It makes me incredibly happy-sad that our oldest is graduating in two years!!) At one of our weekly chats, Sexy Neck and I sat down and redid this list from over five years ago. The blue/pink job list now sits proudly on the fridge. I know what things I am taking care of and he knows what he’s doing. We always try to help each other out, which is a beautiful thing, but when we are in the busy seasons that happen in the magnificent world of education, we can always fall back on this list to keep things running smoothly.

Banking.

Cleaning.

Parenting jobs.

Compartmentalizing these three things so that I can find space to add a 28 hour work-week into our home learning, dog walking, movement loving family!

Have a fabulous Friday folks and love what you do.

xoxo Joanna

blogger, Education, Family, Grief, Teaching, Wordsmith

Be Framing Your Job with One Thought

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 My one thought about my job today: I can be replaced in a minute.  The leadership of my school is so remarkable, I could probably be replaced in less than a minute.

Yes, it’s true for me and for you.  No one is irreplaceable in their work.

I recognized this shortly after my mom died and I fully grasped that she was truly irreplaceable.

Gone forever.

Never to be replaced.

Yes, we have had phenomenal people “fill in the vast gap” my mom left, but no one can restore her place in our lives as a mom and super nana.

A job is a unique arena of life as we all need to find ways to house and feed ourselves, but this great loss made me understand the temporality of work and life.

This morning, I am interviewing for a new job for the next school year. I am taking this mentality into my interview and I feel free.

Free to ponder.

Free to choose.

Free to open the door and see if this new opportunity will help me be a better wife, mom, friend, teacher and human being living on this earth.

Free to live!

So folks, as you ponder this next year ahead of you, what would you change if you knew you could be replaced in your job tomorrow, but never be replaced as a mother, father, daughter, brother, sister, cousin…?

Here temporarily.

Never to be replaced within your “family”.

Have an epic Tuesday and love what you do.

xoxo Joanna

Education, Family, health & fitness, mindset, musings, radical sabbatical, Wordsmith

Be Learning Nordic Skiing before Alpine Skiing

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This is a public service announcement for anyone with children or grandchildren that haven’t yet tried alpine skiing or have children under 5 years old.

It is spring break skiing and the season where we see many young human beings flopped on the side of the mountain screaming, usually while wearing a “dog leash” (aka: ski harness). Insert gif here with child flopping like a fish in the snow while making shrieking noises.

Both Sexy Neck and I received kinesiology degrees before we got our education degrees. When the boys were young, we talked about our children’s physical literacy skills as much as their reading/writing literacy skills. We wanted them to be physically active for life. We introduced them to coached programs for swimming, cross country skiing and gymnastics. I also taught them skating shortly after they could walk.

One of the best things we did for our boys was putting them into the “Bunnies” (skinny ski) program when they were 3 years old at our local nordic ski area. It was parent participation and this program gave the children the skills to move bilaterally on skinny skis at a pace that was perfect for their growing bodies. There was no screaming, flopping, or crying from the parents or the kids. They could go at the speed that they felt most comfortable moving at and could attempt the hills when they were ready. Plus placing teddy bears along the track, kicking tennis balls in the track and gummy bears in your pocket can go along way!

Right now, we are seeing many parents strap on the big, thick alpine skis and attach the leash to their young ones. Then off they go. You can see that these young first timers are moving at a speed that they are uncomfortable with and thus the screaming, flopping and crying. It’s very tough to watch. I believe that even if the kids spend only one season (10 weeks) in a Bunnies or Jack Rabbit program, none of these experiences would need to happen for our young alpine skiers.

PLUS the added bonuses when kids start on skinny skis is that when they start alpine skiing those thick skis are easier to balance on and they even get to ride up a magic carpet or chairlift or t-bar instead of having to climb up the hills on skis. The children will really appreciate this new sport and hopefully have experiences on two types of skis that help them be active for life!

Have an epic Sunday folks and love what you do!

xoxo Joanna

blogger, Family, Goals, mom of boys, musings, radical sabbatical, Wordsmith

Be Moving Back to Vernon

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These last few months, I have been thinking that our family needs to move back to Vernon…. almost ten years here in K-City and, well, I am not sure what to say about it. In the last three months, I have ran into four friends from Vernon at Costco, the ski hill, for walks and I have realized the deepness of these friendships I really miss.

I miss those friends who:

~ knew me before I was a mom

~ knew my own mom

~ I spent time working with and on vacation with

~ walked through years of change involving birth and death

~ did Music classes with me when the boys were in preschool. (Such a sweet season)

Ten years ago we made the decision to move here as Steve was commuting to K-City, 45 minutes away from our house in Vernon, and he was seeing very little of us due to long hours and evening meetings. One day, yup one day, after we moved to K-city my mom was diagnosed with cancer. Five months later she had died.

As I sit down and have a serious conversation with the family about moving back to Vernon, the boys are all a “hard no”. They were 2, 4 and 6 when we moved to K-City and this is really home for them. They have activities they love, a neighbourhood that loves on them and freedom to move around the city with confidence.

And now I remember a story from a wise uncle. Uncle John owned a fabulous apartment near Commercial Drive in Vancouver. He decided that he wanted to live a bit more freely and travel more than he already did. He sold the Commercial Drive apartment and moved into a great rental apartment on Chestnut Street beside the Burrard Street bridge and one block from the beach. His views were incredible and the accessibility to Vancouver was amazing. If I lived in Vancouver, this is the area I would want to live.

Uncle John loved living in this apartment building and weathered the loss of his parents and his sister. His entire family of origin died in a these short few years. Then Uncle John heard that his old apartment was for sale again, after being fully renovated. He jumped at the chance “to go back”. He rebought his old apartment, moved in and realized he had made a terrible mistake. He had bought the apartment “to go back” to a time where his parents and sister were alive. He wanted to truly turn back time. After a few short months, he resold his apartment on Commercial Drive for a second time and again moved back into his amazing rental apartment overlooking the Pacific Ocean. He was really happy and realized that you never can go back.

…and now as I ponder our family moving back to Vernon, his story has become my own. Why do I want “to go back” to Vernon? It is mostly because I want “to go back” to a time when my mom was alive and we had a wonderful circle of support around us. These have been lonely few years that have developed a deep well of resiliency and perseverance on my part raising three young men without that close support and encouragement as a mom. Even today when I receive a compliment on my role as a mother, I am always surprised because it is so rare. It often brings me to tears.

So we won’t be moving back to Vernon. The show must go on in K-City for this mom of three boys now ages, almost 16, 13 and 11. BUT, you never know where we will end up once the boys are graduated and finding their own paths in life.

Have a wonderful Wednesday and love what you do.

xoxo Joanna