Tag Archives: grief

philosophy, poetry, psychology, winter, writing

Be Breakingdown to Breakthrough 

Leave a comment

There is a great myth in this world that hard stuff is bad stuff. 
A myth that makes us perseverate on the bad and prohibits us from realizing the greater changes that could occur through this hard stuff. 

Like working out physically hard at the gym, our bodies are capable of great changes by adding resistance and effort to breakdown our muscles so they can be built up stronger.  

When dealing with the hard stuff that comes up in our life, our minds are capable of using these difficult times to create breakthrough and change our lives. 

This story is just surfacing to share and bring freedom that is created when a breakdown can create a breakthrough.  

Hindsight is 20/20 and there is nothing like watching death unfold to provide hindsight.  
Two months after my mom died, it was the season of winter, outside and inside my soul.  The cold had settled in.  It was dark.    
Two months after my mom died, I sat down and made a decision.  

Would I allow her life and death fill me with bitterness or anger or would incredible good come from a life well-lived?

I chose finding the greater good, trusting God’s goodness and greater plan.   It was an easy choice as a wise counsellor had been teaching me about not judging things as either good or bad, but just noticing them.   In this choice, I daily looked for good while still rowing my boat of grief in the waves of sadness.  Every day, great goodness kept unfolding in front of us.  

For this breakthrough moment in that cold, wintery day, I am incredibly grateful.  It has not only provided trips of our dreams, a business that uses all my gifts, amazing nutritional products to fuel our bodies, but an incredible opportunity to grow personally. 

  
With gratitude.  

For all we can do.  

For the ways we can be.  

With intention. 

With daily discipline. 

And grace.  

And humility from the lessons of life 

Breakdown creating breakthrough.  


Boys, dreams, life

Be Keeping your EYE on your Dreams

Leave a comment

IMG_1509[1]

My heart and mind overflow with hope.

Dreams are energetic and flow through our family daily.

My vision for my life is unfolding before my eyes.

Can you see the excitement?

IMG_1510[1]

(This photo was taken right after a friend shared a “freedom”moment with me!) 

Time + freedom.

Time with my boys and other people that I LOVE.

Freedom to be me.

I don’t know exactly how my dreams are going to “practically” workout, but I know that they will.

I am no longer practical.

I listen to my heart, God, people that love me, those that are doing what I would like to do.

If you see me wander by, give me a high five and know that I am just following my dreams!

Family, Grief, writing

Be Riding Waves of Gratitude

Leave a comment

Over two years ago, I started down a road that I never knew I would go down.  My energetic, athletic mom had cancer take over her body.  It pummelled her, humbled our family and eventually took her body on Boxing Day six months later.  

I rode waves of grief.  

Face planting.  

Knee crawling.  

Life stealing.  

Grief. 

I had never known pain like this. 

I had never lived a day without my previous mama.  

But I did.  

And I am.  

I was at the beach a few days ago and was watching this: 

  
And then I noticed a woman sitting under a tree, just like my mom used to, watching the boys play in the sand. I would have felt paralyzed by this before but now I just found gratitude in my heart for this beautiful woman who reminded me of my mama.  

  
I am living.  

Living with abundance.  

Living a life of my dreams.  

I am continually surrounded by saints on this earth.  

Friends who walk with me. 

Strangers who bless me with their presence.  

Friends who LOVE my boys. 

Friends who ask ‘how are you?’ And wait to hear the answer.  

Right now in my life, I am riding the waves of gratitude.  

It hits me every day at how blessed I truly am.  

I feel extremely grateful for who I am surrounded by, all that I have and all that I can do.  

The possibilities are truly only limited by my mind.  

My opportunities seem to flow into my dreaming mind and humbled heart.  

I am free.  

I am flying.  

I am riding waves of gratitude. 

 

Business, Goals

Be Shocked at my Swimsuit

Leave a comment

Day by day.  

I never realized how my daily decisions could create so many changes and breakthrough moments in my life.  

One year ago… 

…I was never going back to teaching… But I found my dream job. 

…I was never going to ‘survive’ my mom’s death… But I did and my life has never been richer.  

…I was determined not to ‘give up’ on relationships… But I let them go and am finding freedom to live.  

… I was thirty pounds heavier, working out hard and wasn’t losing weight… But I am partnering with the company of my dream and have never been healthier. 

Dude! Daily choices do create huge changes.  

The proof is in the swimsuit.  

Shocked.  

Exhilarated.  

Excited.  

Savouring this moment.  

Look at ALL that extra fabric.  

Be enough, one mouthful, one relationship, one swimsuit at a time. 

IMG_0816 

IMG_0817

cancer, Grief, life

Be on the Water

Leave a comment

Two years ago, almost to the day.  I started on a journey where I needed to learn to ride in the waves.

No choice.

Just had to do it.

The waves were metaphors, but overpowering.

My breathe was taken out of me many times, but I choose to not allow it to not overcome me.

The diagnosis of my best friend and mom having cancer.

The death of my beloved mom on Christmas 2013.

My grief was like living in a boat.

Some days the journey would be surreal, warm and comforting.

But without a moment’s notice the waves would start to pummel me, push me under and make me gasp for air.

I didn’t know what to do.

I couldn’t “do” anything.

I need to just “be” in the waves.

Feeling what I was feeling.

Allowing the grief, sorrow, pain to come.

Allowing myself to learn and let go.

Two years later, I am starting to learn to ride on the water with my four boys surrounding me.

IMG_0854[1]IMG_0858[1]IMG_0847[1]

The waves are infrequent. The water is calmer. I can truly say that I have learned to ride in the waves and am now enjoying a time of being on the water, in the water of life.

Yes, the waves still do come.

Yes, I honour those waves for what they have taught me and how they have helped me become who I am.

And I am full of overflowing gratitude.

For all that I can do.

For who I am.

I am grateful for my boys.

I am grateful for the people that God has surrounded me with.

I am full of gratitude for my mom, her life and her death.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
Aging, God, Grief, health & fitness

Be Asking One Question

4 Comments

I truly believe I can help people.

I never really ‘knew’ how.

I never have felt that I could do enough as a teacher.

In the church, I felt like I never had a gift or a talent.

I could make a joyful noise to the Lord, but was never musical or led to anything else.

Until last November, I didn’t know how I could SERVE other people in this world with love, and endless energy…

Forty pounds overweight, still in deep grief over the loss of my mama that happened not a year previous, I asked my outdoor fitness trainer, Krista King, what I thought was a simple question: “Have you ever done a cleanse?”

That question that was asked through my pain, my mud-pit of wave-crashing despair opened up a completely NEW world and pried open a completely OLD ME!

Since that ONE conversation and the products she told me about, the layers have peeled back.

I was LOST but am now FOUND!

Me.

Freedom.

Food.

Health.

Relationships.

And yes, some residual income for my family.

All just by making asking one question.

And then making one choice.

One choice for…

Me.

The layers were peeled back and I saw:

Ten year old me that loved to drink vanilla shakes every day.  NOW, I have the privilege to drink nutritious vanilla shakes EVERY day and maybe throw in some chocolate or strawberry, if I FEEL like it.

Eighteen year old competitive volleyball player me who wanted to lead, but was surrounded by negative self-talk and unbelief. NOW, I believe in the power of me and am surrounded by positive people who believe in me, themselves and want to lead AND serve others around them.

IMG_0420[1]

(I am #12 in the photo, gotta love those bum huggers)

Twenty year old me who fought on the volleyball court to perform every weekend, but just could never pull it together for two matches because of the fuel in her body.  NOW, I have completed one triathlon and I truly know that my forty-one year old body can do ANYTHING.

Thirty-nine years old, overweight, actually obese for my height, me, was using food to fill an empty hole.  I was looking for food to magically do “something”.  NOW, I have food that fuels me.  I have food that brings me freedom in thought and spirit through shake and cleanse days, protein bars, electrolyte drink and fifty MORE products.

Forty-one years old, I have transformed my body, my mind and my spirit.  I have bought a bikini with confidence just because I can.  I have walked down the main street with no “noise” in my head about what I look like or how I feel about what I look like.

FREEDOM!

I have helped myself and now I know that I can help people.   And yes, this product line does involve network marketing, which I love and you can read my blog about it here.

With the company I am partnering with, the opportunities are endless.  Aging well, being healthier, having more energy, performing better, losing weight or adding a few bucks to your pockets to bless people with, the possibilities are limitless.

I am humbled.

I am grateful.

I am ready to serve anyone that wants an opportunity like I was given just seven months ago.

Don’t be afraid to take the time to listen to your body and its needs.

Don’t be afraid to ask a question.

One question changed my life!

IMG_7995 IMG_7996

1st photo: After my first cleanse in November… and still going strong seven months later.

2nd photo: One week after my mom died.  (Who knows why I took this one?)

Christianity, Family, God

Be Trying a Tri 

6 Comments

In the post-Christmas darkness of grief, I took time to sit with myself, alone to ponder and grieve.  As I let go through this grieving process, I had one huge realization that has affected ever day for the last four months.

I realized for certain I could die at any moment.

Strange huh?

I knew this fact about life, but watching my mom die helped me ‘know’.

Now, I am unafraid.

Death is a certainty.

I am free!

Through this new lense of “knowing” the inevitable,  I am experiencing rich days.

Days where God’s coincidences are profound and His love is pouring out.

Moments where I can easily let go of relationships that are unhealthy or where people don’t accept me as being an imperfect person.

Choices where I choose health in what I consume and what I do.

Times where I make decisions and then work hard to see them come to fruition.

Today is one of these days!

Four months ago, I decided to do a triathlon.  A 750 metre swim, followed by a 30 kilometre bike ride then rounded out by a 5 kilometre run.  The funny thing is that I am not very good at any of them, but I figure throw them all together and this sounded like fun.

IMG_9691[1]

With my cheering section at the side of the race course, and the incredible racers surrounding me.  I did it!

photo 3

I tried a tri!

One stroke.

One push.

One step at a time.

Ann Voskamp once wrote, “Daily discipline brings freedom.”

Yes, it does.

Discipline to be who you are with the gifts God has given you.

Knowing the truth about life’s fragility.

Savouring every day.

What will you try?