Tag Archives: boys

Boys, Family, Parenting, Wordsmith

Be Living with Teenage Boys 

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Three weeks ago our youngest turned thirteen. The boys are now thirteen, fifteen and seventeen. Three teenagers in the house! I am not sure if what I am going to say next would be true for a family with mixed genders, but as we add a third teenage boy to the fold, I am noticing some patterns:

1️⃣3️⃣ – He wants to be more independent, but this independence often leads to boredom and then whining. He is embarrassed now when I drop him off to activities and doesn’t want me to stay.  Big feelings exist on the daily and we create space and honour those knowing this is “normal”. Bedtime tuck-ins are still mandatory and asked for every night.

1️⃣5️⃣ – We have solidly moved out of the early teenage stage and our 15 year old is now wanting his “mommy” again.  He is asking me to attend and actively watch every activity and loves one-on-one time.   He is making efforts to connect with others again, but still has big emotions, especially related to his siblings. Bedtime check-ins are a must and every night he asks, “Are you going to tuck me in?”.

1️⃣7️⃣ – This young man is almost an adult. He independently does most things and no longer wants any help with editing his writing from his wordsmith mom. The first few times that I did offer to help this year, he became minimally annoyed. (He is not one to move quickly to anger or sadness.). Our oldest now goes to bed later than us and is often the one saying goodnight to us, if we are still awake.

As we welcomed our third teenager into the fold, I now can internally say, “Oh, I have seen this before!” while I share a big mama hug and then gently correct a rude word or inconsiderate behaviour with a smile in my heart at these beautiful, incredible, growing boys.  We have always said that we don’t want to raise “robots” or “sheep”. I think we have done that!

I wonder what you remember about being a teen or what your journey with your own teens is like?  I am enjoying every second of this house of teenagers as I love change, evolution and watching people become their best selves.

Happy Friday amazing friends. Love what you do.

🤩 Joanna

blogger, Goals, musings, Wordsmith

Be Adding More Fun F’s to 2024

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In early January, I posted five F’s that were my goals for 2024:

1️⃣ Fitness

2️⃣ Have Fun with Friends

3️⃣ Find Fantastic Fiction

4️⃣ Flourish in the Fine Art of Frosting a Fabulous Cake

5️⃣ Frolic Across Canada

I feel eager to share that that I am rocking and rolling through the top 3 F’s. 6 workouts done, lots of fun with friends and I have been reading some fantastic fiction. WOOP WOOP! We have our first birthday in the house in April, so I have a few months to find someone who will lead me in the art of frosting a cake and our frolicking across Canada dates are booked! Can I get another woop woop?

I had left my goals out on the kitchen counter for a week or so and suddenly I started seeing more F’s for 2024, so I have added to my list.

Here are the latest F’s I am excited about for 2024:

🤩 Faith-filled, festive fun with the boys: I have been trying to play more games, plan more get togethers and surprises for the boys the last few weeks. It’s brought a beautiful lightness and joy to our home.

🤩 Flourishing romance with Sexy Neck: After Steve was able to take a whole two weeks off at Christmas, the first in seven years, I realized how much I really missed spending time with him. We have been enjoying working out together, doing projects together and talking about daily life on a regular basis. What a gift!

🤩 Fun with Finances: As a girl who loves a good spreadsheet budget, this is a really fun activity for Steve and I to do together. We are updating our expenses and especially looking at our grocery bill and “extras” that we spent our money on. I am excited to see what shakes down and how we can save and give away more. Earn more, give more! That’s fun!

And that’s all folks, just a little update on the F’s goals that keep morphing into more in twenty twenty-four.

If you have a word or goals or some F’s to share for 2024, I would love to hear them. Big hugs to you all.

Have Sunday funday and love what you do.

xoxo Joanna

Aging, Boys, Christianity, christmas, God, home learning, teaching, Wordsmith

Be Losing Your Dreams

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I have started dreaming again. 

When the world shut down in 2020, I was in a place where many of my dreams got shut down too. 

It hurt more than I realized at the time. 

Fulfilling a dream to take our family to Japan. 

Achieving a dream of finishing a 3.8km swim, 180km bike ride and 42km marathon run (Ironman triathlon) that I had spent two years training for. 

Living the dream of being surrounded by likeminded, healthy individuals who loved to workout, but couldn’t as the fitness centres and pools were shut down. 

On top of losing these dreams, I have now fully realized that I had lost hope. 

I lost hope for a future for our boys in a world that was moving towards kindness, peace and acceptance. Instead I saw and personally experienced polarization, judgement, discrimination and all out war in families and in the world. 

As I end 2023, I can fully say that my hope and dreams have returned amongst the polarization, judgement, discrimination and wars around the world. 

My dreams now exist more within me and our family.

I love living the dream of being able to have our three boys learn at home for the fifth year.  

I love planning our summer adventures: Our third trip to the Yukon and our sixth Cann-Sharpe Adventure with friends. 

I love my new calling working alongside 15 wonderful, inspiring teachers that support over 450 northern British Columbia home learning students. This group of people are the most heartfelt, insightful, hardworking group of educators that I have ever had the privilege to work with in my over twenty years in education. 

I love simply feeling hopeful. 

Hopeful because of the love and care I see around me through our friends and my work. 

Hopeful that God is working everything out in His timing.

Let go and let God. 

Hopeful of the uprising I see of saints who love people and want to show up louder, with this cloak of love, despite the hurts and harm they have experienced in their lives. 

I love dreaming again.  

Dreaming about what physical feat I will move towards next. 

Dreaming about who my boys are becoming and who they want to be. 

Dreaming about how I can show more love and care to those around me as I move through my own healing journey. 

Love truly conquers all and is the greatest power in our world that brings hope and dreams into the hearts of all who choose. 

More love. 

More hope. 

More dreams. 

Bring on 2024. 

Have an epic Christmas and end of the year folks and love what you do! 

Xoxo Joanna

author, Boys, home learning

Be Destroying English for Another Generation

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Anyone that writes a blog, I would think loves to write. I know that I truly love to write! It is the way that I process. I truly having fun playing with words…

But, back in grade 11 English, I stopped writing. I was a flute-playing jock who spent most of their time in the gym, with friends or in the band room. In my free time, I loved writing down quotes I came across and writing in my journal. I wrote every single day as a 15 year old.

But, I had a grade 11 English teacher that shoved, pummelled, and used literature to criticize students at every turn. You were never “good enough” and you were called out when you weren’t. We were made to memorize and perform Macbeth out loud. As students, we had to read and reflect on the haunting and odd book, Lord of the Flies.

Can you imagine my heart as I now watch my grade 11 son, 32 years later, reading and experiencing these same two books? Week by week, I am watching his love of literature being sucked out of him and his love of writing being taken from him. Why must students’ focus on having the correct formatting for quotes? Why must students’ write down quotes verbatim from a book? Why must students’ write an essay with a hideous word count that would be more directed towards a student that wanted to study and deepen their understanding of English literature? Why must we use the same books as 1991?

Love a duck folks!

Love writing.

Love speaking.

Love communicating.

Share your words.

Share your story.

Share who you are.

And Google the rest!

Lord, please break the cycle of the use of literature that doesn’t bring insight or inspiration for this generation of students (nor my generation either).

And that’s all from me folks.

Happy almost December and love what you do.

XOXO Joanna

Christianity, Education, encouragement, Family, fun, God, musings, teenagers

Be Shifting a Grump

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🤔 Have you ever come across an Air Canada flight attendant that is obviously tired and grumpy? 

🤔 Do you have a relative that has an expiry date of one hour when your family visits and then they turn into a harsh, grumpy person? 

🤔 Are one of your teenagers waking up in a grumpy mood or bringing one home from school? 

💫 I have encountered all of these things and wanted to share some diddies today on what I like to do when coming across each of these grumps. 

✅ Ask them a question. This was my strategy for the flight attendant. I looked them in the eyes and simply asked: :Where is the best place you have flown?” She talked about when she used to live in Toronto and her trips to Boston, all with a smile. Boom shakalaka.  

✅ Remove yourself. Over the last 30 years as an adult, dealing with grumpy relatives has been a dance I have learned. Sadly, the best thing I have come up with has been to remove myself from the dance. I have tried asking questions or accommodating what they want to do or bringing gifts or food and try to be a lesser version of myself, but alas the removal from that person has been the best way to shift the grump.  A wise counsellor has also recommended meeting at neutral spots, (parks, coffee shops, restaurants etc.), but I have found that this only expands the expiry date by minutes not hours and is often not worth it.  Boo!  

✅ Smile and pray for them (or send them positive thoughts, if that’s more your jam). Ah teenagers. We are currently living with a tremendous trio of boys aged 16, 14 and almost 12. I feel as a parent, my job is to simply hold space for them as they deal with big emotions. Also, I want my teenagers to simply know I am here for them no matter what.  I really feel that a radiating smile and powerful prayers are like a force field that helps them and protects us as parents from being slimed by their “green, mucousy” grumpy ways. Yes, overall in life, I do think of grumpy people as being green and slimy. 🤣💚 

Don’t let anyone get their “stuff” on you.  

Random flight attendants. 

Relatives. 

Teenagers. 

All people that can slime you with their green grumpiness. 

As I say to my boys: Who’s in charge of your emotions? 

I am. 

I pray that my words will encourage you as you “live with” the people in your life with JOY and PEACE.  

Do you have a strategy for living a positive, joyful life no matter the emotional state of the people around you? Let me know. I always love to add tools to my emotional toolbox. 

Have an epic week folks and love what you do.  

Xoxo 

Joanna 

author, blogger, Grief, Parenting, words, Wordsmith

Be Having a Transplant after trying some Bandaids

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Within the last six months our family’s life has flipped upside down.

🚴🏻‍♀️ This morning on my bike ride, I was thinking about this transformation and the best metaphor that my mind could come up with was living with a really “bad oweee” (or hurt place) and healing it with bandaids versus having a transplant.

Ten years and one month ago we moved to K-City. The boys were almost 2, 4 and 6 years old. The day after we moved, my mom was diagnosed with cancer and I spent the next six months doing all that I could to support her and my dad, while living in a new city with very young children. At this time my family of origin was unravelling before my eyes. I have an older sister and that’s all I would say about that plus a father whom simply wasn’t coping well with a partner who “did it all”, but now was dying before his eyes.

After my mom and Super Nana died, I gained weight and lost it. I was alone and lonely. I taught at an online school, substitute taught at our local public schools, taught physical education and also ventured into the business world as an entrepreneur selling two different products. I supported Sexy Neck as he moved from high school to middle school, to being in charge of an International program an hour away and then our local International program within K-City. Steve’s mom died as well as his beloved grandparents, and uncle. We said goodbye to our sweet Labrador, Summer and said hello to our Goldendoodle, Winter. I did all this on top of taking care of our beautiful, busy, athletic three boys while trying to make friends in a new city, be good friends to those I knew and going through a grieving process that is still often difficult to put into words.

Throughout this last decade, I was using a lot of bandaids.

Bandaid #1: Exercise was one of my favourite. Did you know that I was training for an Ironman when Covid hit? I was training over 20 hours per week during those years after I did a 70.3 triathlon (half Ironman) in 2018. Yup, exercise was a great bandaid for me to keep me going.

Bandaid #2: Busyness – By simply rocking my to-do list, I was able to hold things together. The list was never ending as I did 90% of the things around our home and it made me feel like I was “getting” somewhere, but really getting nowhere. It was just a bandaid.

Bandaid #3: Going down the social media “scroll hole”. I am not sure if this is an entrepreneurial thing, but social media because a bit too much for me throughout the middle part of this last decade. I would spend hours on Instagram or Facebook. I would plan what I wanted to share and it began to takeover my mind in many ways. Sidenote: I am very, very glad that I didn’t live in the era of social media as a teen. I think that would have really messed me up mentally. Comparison is truly the thief of joy.

I am not saying that Bandaids are a bad thing. They got me to where I am today and helped me realize what I wanted my life to look like on a daily basis. I now believe we need to rip these bandaids off to do the true, deep transplanting that our bodies, mind and spirits needs.

Over these last six months, I have gotten a transplant.

Transplant #1: Both Sexy Neck and I have changed jobs. Steve stepped down and I stepped up to serve our schools in unique and fun manners. We are both blessed to be able to serve teachers, students and their families in very interesting ways. It has been transformative for us both.

Transplant #2: We have started to share the responsibilities around the house and the boys are helping more. We are living in the “15 minutes per day” of everyone “helping the family” and we are finding a great rhythm to help our home hum with happiness and peace. It is waaaaaaay better than having one person, namely moi, do it all! Even going through the busiest week of the year last week, we had a tremendous seven days with no major stress or meltdowns. We were “humming”.

Transplant #3: I took social media off my phone and it hasn’t come back on. I barely exist on there anymore and I feel more present and peaceful in my daily life. I hear from friends in different ways now, in a more one-on-one authentic way. I have also let many “friends” go virtually and physically. My heart is happy.

Transplant #4: This summer, we watched our city go through a horrid wildfire where over 200 people lost their homes and our church camp, that the boys were at weeks before, burnt to the ground. This made us reflect on many things, including our physical needs, what we value and our ongoing spiritual life with Jesus.

Transplant #5: Sexy Neck and I joined a gym. We are simply committed to going 30 minutes, 3 times a week. It is a beautiful balance for us to get off the metaphorical treadmill and simply enjoy throwing around some weights and being together. Just like Goldilocks, not too much, not too little, just right. It is a major transplant for two recovering high performance athletes who have gotten grossly “out of shape”.

In ALL ways, physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally and professionally, it has been a transformative transplant. I feel like the bandaids in all areas of our lives have been ripped off and as a family we are experiencing a “transplant”. There is a newness to our lives, almost like we are moving to Kelowna for the first time, but this time we are healed and whole and not simply living in a deep hole of grief. I am excited to see what God has in store for us in this next decade.

If you are in the state of slapping on some good old bandaids, I hope you know that that works. For the season you are in, the bandaids will hold things together, but hold hope for the transplant. Sitting where I am today, I have to tell you that this is a pretty sweet place to be within my mind, body and spirit. Not perfect, but I feel like I can breathe again.

Bandaids.

Helping

Holding.

Breathe.

Hope.

Newness.

Wholeness.

Transplant.

And that’s all for me on this Sunny Sunday. I pray that you love what you do.

xoxo Joanna

author, blogger, Family, finance, Flexibility, home learning, Parenting, Wordsmith

Be Compartmentalizing your Life

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When I was a ten years old, I remember lining up at the Scotia bank in Spruceland strip mall with my dad on Friday afternoons so that he could get cash for the weekend before the bank closed. This is such a vivid memory that I can even remember some of the clothes I was wearing when I went and some of conversations we had with people as we lined up (weekend fishing trips, accidents that happened in the bush, local hockey scores…).

When was the last time you lined up or were at the bank in person?

This week?

Last week?

A month ago?

A year ago?

I am genuinely curious. Would you let me know?

My bet is that you are like me and you are checking your banking online at home, scanning in any cheques you receive and receiving and sending e-transfers rather than going to the physical bank building. And this story about banking is exactly why I want to talk about “compartmentalizing your life”.

(Sidenote: I am actually speaking to myself about this topic, but I thought you would all like to be a part of my musings and unconnected thoughts and personal stories as I connect them.)

August 1st, 2023, I am starting on a new teaching/work adventure and right now I am dialing in my schedule and thinking about what I do during each day that I really need to account for and compartmentalized. I am not only thinking of every single thing that I do throughout my day in person, but also what I am doing online. My brain hurts a bit. Have you ever tried to account for everything you do within a week?

My first stop on this brain train has started with banking. I do banking throughout my days as bills arrive, as e-transfer requests come through and check our banking regularly as money moves in and out of our account monthly. Banking is now moving over to Sexy Neck. Boom shakalaka. He now has a handy-dandy chart with everything that regularly moves in and out of our account plus a lovely storage system for the boys and I to use to place the bills. Viola, first stop done.

My second stop has been around regular house cleaning. What currently happens around our house, well until yesterday, is that I do cleaning during the weekdays so that we don’t spend the evenings and weekends doing this chore. What did I do with this gargantuan list? I hired a cleaner. Yup, I did. This goes back to my first year of teaching when we had our beautiful friend Faye clean for us. It was such a gift. I decided to take on a few extra students and give myself the gift of a clean home every two weeks. Write a Student Learning Plan and report cards or clean? I am choosing SLP’s and report cards any day of the week!

My last stop as I have gone down this list making exercise to compartmentalize what I do in my day-to-day life involves redefining the blue (Sexy Neck) and pink (mine) jobs in our lives as parents as we raise three amazing young men into adulthood. (It makes me incredibly happy-sad that our oldest is graduating in two years!!) At one of our weekly chats, Sexy Neck and I sat down and redid this list from over five years ago. The blue/pink job list now sits proudly on the fridge. I know what things I am taking care of and he knows what he’s doing. We always try to help each other out, which is a beautiful thing, but when we are in the busy seasons that happen in the magnificent world of education, we can always fall back on this list to keep things running smoothly.

Banking.

Cleaning.

Parenting jobs.

Compartmentalizing these three things so that I can find space to add a 28 hour work-week into our home learning, dog walking, movement loving family!

Have a fabulous Friday folks and love what you do.

xoxo Joanna

author, blogger, encouragement, psychology, writing

Be Wondering Why I Wrote My May 28th, 2023 Blog Post?

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In the wake of what I wrote on May 28th, 2023, I have had many, many people reach out via phone call, messenger and text to express their shock at what I shared about my mental and physical journey the last few years.

Yes, I am strong, but I am also a sponge. I feel things deeply.

Yes, I am a good listener, but I am also not great at sharing what I am experiencing. I feel things deeply.

Yes, I am realizing that I need to create a circle of support where I can be seen and heard. I feel things deeply.

Yes, I am one thousand million percent grateful that I wrote what I did and shared what I went through. I know that I truly shocked some of you, but I think it really reminds us that these last few years haven’t been easy for many people, whichever side of the “fence” you chose to be on. I wrote this post and had it sitting in my “drafts” for a few weeks, but I decided to publish it for three groups of people.

First, this last autumn season we had two very remarkable young woman living in K-City, one was my niece and the other was Bubba’s daughter, my oldest friend in the world’s daughter. It was such a special time to have them here. When I wrote this post, I thought of them and our three boys. Perhaps one of them will stumble on to this when they need it the most. I hope my sharing will help them is some small way.

I never wrote this post because I needed help right now or I wanted something from someone or I wanted to bring shame or guilt onto anyone else. My message was simply to help one other person, either now or in the future when someone stumbles upon that blog. One beloved friend wrote to me a few days after my blog: “I just wanted to say a huge thank-you for sharing your last post on Be Enough about re-claiming your health (mental and physical)…. Basically all you have been through and how you’ve described it is EXACTLY how I’ve felt the past 3 years.”. The second reason was simply to help one person feel less alone!

Lastly, I was also thinking of all the young people who have committed suicide these last three years. (And no, suicide was never an option or thought for me personally, but my darkest moments made me think about the hopelessness people must feel when they attempt or commit suicide.) Every day in Canada 11 people commit suicide and 200 people attempt it. Did you know that 75% of the people who commit suicide are male? The saddest part for me as I learned about suicide rates in our beautiful and “in need of healing” country was this rate is rising, not going down, with everything we know about mental health.

I wonder what would happen is more of us shared our stories, without worrying about judgement of being labelled or worrying about being put into a box or then having people try to “fix” us. I wonder if people were exactly where they are, when they are, how they are what our communities would look like?

And that’s all for this Thursday folks. Love what you do!

xoxo Joanna