Category Archives: psychology

Be Finding Freedom in your Fridge

Food used to take up a plethora of mental space.

My mind felt like a ferris wheel running around and around about food.

What should I eat?

When?

How much?

Did I eat too much?

Now, I feel completely free.

I have found food that brings me freedom.

Complete meals including protein, carbohydrates, fats, and minerals.

I have returned after two weeks of renting out our home to vacationers.

The house was empty except for our furniture, every cupboard, dresser, even the refrigerator were empty.

I have not rushed to the grocery store to stock my fridge full so that I don’t feel empty inside because I AM FULL!

My mind is free to think of other things other than food.

My mind lives in abundance, it dreams and it knows that I will eat exactly what I need each day.

I know that my boys have enough food.

I have found freedom in my fridge!

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After two days, we are going to add a few things to the refrigerator, but just enough.

Knowing we have enough

Living with enough.

Being enough.

(This post was inspired by my friend AM and her mom C!  It is great so share your fridge epiphanies with people.)

Be Open to Feel and to the Endless Possibilities

I have had my feelings hurt many times recently.

I wasn’t sure why.

I ponder these words.

Tonight, I had an aha moment when I realized I get hurt because I am open.

I allow people to tell me about myself.

I permit them to tell me things because it is easier for them.

I have heard that if I lose more weight I will look old.

I have listened as people questioned what I eat.

I have allowed conversation about how I organize my calendar. (Yes, I have colours for each wee boy so that I can keep everyone’s schedule straight.)

I choose to continue to be open.

I choose to deeply feel.

I am no longer taking the easy road or trying to make people feel “comfortable” at the expense of my feelings.

I continue to allow and encourage people to talk about themselves.

I am learning strategies to stop people from talking about and judging me.

I realize that people are hurting deep inside and makes it hard for them to talk about themselves.

I realize that being an open person makes people uncomfortable.

I realize that my life of freedom living with endless possibilities is disconcerting for some.

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And yes, I am going to die my hair a strip of purple to show remind me of my ‘shield of faith’.  (with my stylist)

Being open.

No longer hurting.

Feeling.

All things are possible!

Glory.

Be Putting Up Glass Walls

Yesterday, my husband, Sexy Neck, spent Saturday banging two by fours together to create a wall in half of our unfinished basement.

The goal was to put up a wall to “cover up” our overflow food pantry, his tools and bench as well as some storage items.

He put up this incredibly beautiful, square wall, with vents to access the hot water tank, plus an extra large door.

Sexy Neck thinks of everything.

The wall is incredible and wonderfully made.

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The items behind the wall are a bit more haphazard and are in need of culling.

When you peek behind the door, you can see all the miscellaneous items that we are trying to hide.

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As I watched this wall begin to create a barrier yesterday, I had to ask myself:

What walls have you created in your mind and heart that you are hiding from?

What stuff are you not dealing with that are behind the wall?

And now today I am choosing to take action with these two questions.

I will deal with three unfinished relationships.

I will not hide.

I will reach out.

I will ask forgiveness.

I will be vulnerable.

Nothing hidden behind the steel walls in my mind.

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Walls now lovingly created with glass in my open mind for my own health and transparency.

Allowing freedom.

Allowing peace.

Allowing me to be….

Me.

Be Going Back to the Laundry Room

The pull of the dirty, messy clothes.

I am a mess!

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The rhythm of the washing machine.

I crave this rhythm!

The quiet cave in the bottom of my house.

I find this time!

A place to rest.

A place to cry.

A place to be.

The first place I went to once we returned to our house after my mom died. (Read at your own risk!)

The place I return to.

Daily.

Allowing myself to feel deeply.

Being filled with my grief.

Sitting in it.

The boat of grief amongst the waves of sorrow.

My feelings are deep.

But I am full of gratitude for these feelings.

For this time of being.

Allowing these feelings to not turn to anger, bitterness or other things that will tie me down.

Each day is a continual letting go.

A releasing.

A moving forward, while grieving the past.

The gift of grief.

I painted this during the quiet of the morning after my bike ride.
Is this my mom’s chalk outline?
Mine?
My old self?
Or something all together different?
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In a stage of unknowing.

Being patient with myself and others.

Giving grace.

Receiving it.

Just being exactly where I am.

In the laundry room

Be Learning How to KeepYour Foot Out of Your Mouth

Have you ever wanted to know how to keep your foot out of your mouth when someone you know/love is suffering? I read a theory the other day that a friend posted on Facebook. I haven’t been able to get this idea out of my head.

I’m one of those people that loves to put their feet, yes both of them, in their mouth. Sometimes at night, I lay awake and wonder why I said the things that I said. Often an email apology or phone call is on my to do list for the next day.

This theory, called Ring Theory by Susan Silk and Barry Goldman, gives me a framework as my mom heals from
cancer to know who to talk to. I’ve had many pitfalls in the last couple of months talking to people in my ring or the rings above me.
When my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I sought out the people that were closest to me. These people were my husband and my parents. My sister also became a larger part of our lives at this time and I tried to seek out support from her. At night, I’ve often wondered why these conversations hadn’t gone well! This theory makes everything come full circle. It all makes sense.

Here’s my ring that I have started to work on. It is definitely a work in progress as I ponder those larger rings.

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My understanding of the theory is that you comfort every single person that is in your ring or in one of the smaller rings. You can complain and say whatever you want to anyone that is in a larger ring than yourself.

The Los Angeles times article on this theory had some great examples of people living with breast cancer and suffering from brain aneurysms. If you want to read more take a look at the link below.
Here’s the article!
Thanks for posting this on Facebook Shank! Shank’s other tip was from Dr. Phil a few years ago, “When you know better you do better!” You are on fire girl! Thank for sharing.

Be Asking For Help

I have a hard time asking for help. Whew, I said it!

Until recently I have viewed asking for help as a sign of my own incompetence or a sign of weakness. Really, I should be able to do it all right?

Now I don’t give a shit. I am completely humbled and gobsmacked by this whole thing.

Yup I haven’t shaved my legs since my mom went into the hospital and I don’t care.

I don’t have the energy to really do more than care for my family, a few close friends, spend time with my mom and pray. Sorry everything else is bonus.

So in a moment of weakness, at least that’s how I perceived it. I sent out an email to ask for help.

And was I ever blown away – people offering to let us stay in their house, hospital toys for the boys, friends stopping in to our new house with new pool toys and special salad dressing, a few treats for me and food: Soups for mom, food for our family visiting, muffins, cookies. And all these treats have been delivered to the hospital. I don’t think this hospital has seen such fine food before!

I am definitely going to ask for help more often. What a blessing! What a way to show love. I have always enjoyed helping others, but being helped isn’t so bad either.

Thanks for blessing our family.

Here is what one of my boot camp bible study buddies dropped off today.

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Lasagna dinner and treats too!

And here are the new pool toys arriving at our new house. Thanks CC and your beautiful blonde.

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Be Rejected

To Reject: (OUCH)

1. to refuse to accept, consider, submit to, take for some purpose, or use

2. to refuse to hear, receive, or admit

Ok boys, here is some motherly advice.  I know in the 21st Century we have all sorts of quick and easy ways to communicate.  Awesome!

But if you are going to reject someone make an effort to do it the old fashioned way:

  • Write a letter and deliver it by hand.  Then run away really fast! (I know my shy guy could even attempt this one.)
  • Pick up the phone and talk to the person, no leaving a message sorry.
  • Better yet, pick up the phone and arrange to meet the person face-to-face.

Never send an email to reject someone, as you will see emails/text/twitter is always read with a more negative slant.  This mode of communication will harm relationships, especially those emails that are “reply all” rejection emails.  OUCH!

How you handle rejection and how you reject others (yes, it is okay to say no) will tell you alot about who you are and who other people are in your life.

Let me sit you down here in our virtual living room boys and tell you a little story.:

I dated a guy in high school.  (Yes, I know shocking! ) We dated and broke up.  (Yup, he isn’t your father.)  Nine years later… yup almost a decade.  I was teaching in a school in the boonies one hour from any type of major town.  I met a woman that was this guy in high school’s aunt.  (Yup, the world in small!)  We had broken up by communicating and we both handled the “rejection” well.  Thus, nine years later this guy’s aunt says: “I hear you are the sweetest girl!”   Yes, rejection hurts, but it is really how you handle it that counts.

Reject away with love, kindness and clear communication.

http://www.wikihow.com/Handle-Rejection 

Be Remembering

I remember running in fear to and from the stop sign,

searching, looking for the boogie man.

I remember monsters lurking under my bed and around every

corner and in every closet.

I remember fire, falling and blindness in my dreams,

sometimes I still remember those.

I remember being trapped in a bin, outside the house,

in closets, in darkness.

I remember being shut out, turned from, not listened to,

I ran away alone.

I remember sleepovers I didn’t want to be at,

many I came home from.

I remember feelings of discomfort, judgement, inability to live up to expectations,

oh ya, I still have those.

I remember fearing alcohol, the effect on my body and others.

I remember preaching abstinence from it.

NOW I know in my body the light,

I remember God’s light shining in my basement bedroom in 1995,

I remember God’s love, His acceptance, His peace, His kindness, His grace.

I remember His ways are not my ways.  Everything doesn’t have to make sense.

I remember God is who He says He is in the bible, in nature, in wise people around me.

I remember the fragrance of heaven surrounding me.

I remember to trust, let go of performance and to REST.

I remember the FoRest, by the pond where God meets me.

I remember His word is alive and active in ME… yup me.

I remember to swing and to allow God to push me.  Swing Joanna!

I remember that I will be healed in 2013.  Glory, Hallelujah.  Thank you Jesus.

My Favourite Song to end off this post:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8welVgKX8Qo