All posts by Be Enough

Be Asking Why You Blog

Why do I blog?

20140120-131358.jpg
I don’t blog to earn money or to succeed at a job.

I don’t blog to get on Oprah’s network or to become ‘known’.

I don’t blog because I want people to like me or have people get to know me.

I don’t blog so that I can achieve any type of recognition or medal.

Ah ha, this is why I blog.

I blog to be completely present with my family, to be with my boys, physically and mentally, as they are growing.

I blog to watch in awe as my Sexy Neck father’s our boys.

I blog because I have a teacher’s heart. I love teaching by showing others what I am learning.

I blog because I love to write. I love playing with words, thinking about synonyms and metaphors and oh I love editing. Getting rid of words, making new ideas, rewriting whole paragraphs.

I blog because sometimes the topics I think of can’t be said. And I think about a vast array of subjects. Blogging gives me the privilege of sharing what’s in my head.

I blog because I am head over heels in love with God/Jesus/Holy Spirit. His presence in my life in unexpected ways is something that I want to share. I want to see His light shine in this often dark world.

Recently, I blogged to support my mom’s cancer journey and reach out to those around the world who love us. (How much love did we receive? My views went from twenty– which I was very happy with– to over 800 views per day!)

Now, I blog to stay afloat in grief.
To stay real.
To do my painful work.
To see God at work and to stay connected to my people

I blog to just be where I am and to Be Enough to my family and friends.

Why do you blog or why would you like to blog? I am curious.

Be Existing, Be Okay Today

I exist in a world I never knew nor imagined.

20140119-150216.jpgI ponder my mom’s depth of knowing, her presence in all our lives and her amazing Sunday dinners.

I wait for my mom to walk through door and say, “Hi Joanna!”

I wonder how did she die and really what the hell happened.

I think about snowflakes, butterflies and my mom’s final smile.

20140119-150228.jpgI talk to the people that know our story, my dad, my cousins, my close friends.

I walk away from my old ways, my old complaints, the things that no longer serve me.

I hide from sympathy. I hide from shallow words and frivolous complaints.

I sit still and rest. Feeling my body for the first time in many months.

I watch, I look for some sort of sign. A sign from heaven.

I hover, waiting to see what unfolds.

I know I will be okay today and that is enough!

20140119-150223.jpg

Be Empathetic

Have you pondered empathy and what it really means?

I have heard lessons and even taught lessons on empathy and sympathy but have never lived it in the marrow of my bones.

20140119-151517.jpg
Sympathy to me is a hollow pit. Empty. A fleeing neighbour. A mom who says, “Sorry for your loss!” then pushes on to talk about her son’s birthday party. Sympathy is lots of flowery words that flutter away.

Empathy to me is warm and surrounding. An indescribable action that sticks to your bones and holds you up in grief. An acquaintance who says nothing when I tell her about my mom, but just stands in tears. Friends who ask me how I am and listen for the answer no matter how I rattle on.

As I grieve, and ponder, I am grateful to share my counsellor’s new website and blog. Can you guess what she wrote about today? Empathy and Sympathy.

Exactly my struggle.

Exactly what makes me want to hide.

Expert words to help me continue to row my boat of grief.

Thank you to each person who is helping me row this boat 24 days after mom’s death and five months after my world was turned upside down from cancer.
Here it is: Jodi Krahn

Be Seeing Raffi Live

Love Raffi!

Have you seen or heard him?

This is one if our favourite songs.

The big boys and I put on our best duds and headed downtown to the community theatre this afternoon.

Normally I wouldn’t do these kind of things because at $36 each for an hour, I feel a tad wild.

But with the months we’ve lived through and knowing you can’t take your money when you die, I avoided special treats for weeks and off we went.

Raffi came on the stage (sans besrd) and lit it up. He started with our favourite friendship song (that we sing with the Sharpe’s, check out the family here.)

He sang all of our favourites, we sang along too!

Great Memory.

Lots of smiles.

Joyful noises too!

20140118-204307.jpg

20140118-204314.jpg

20140118-204319.jpg

Be Sharing A Quote (and a Nana Quilt)

“As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation-either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.”
Martin Luther King Jr.

My mom sewed this quilt for Owen as she endured her five month cancer treatment journey.

20140117-215646.jpg
As she had done for each of the boys, she created a quilt for their ‘big boy’ beds.

20140117-215741.jpg

20140117-215749.jpg
Goodnight wee boys.

Enveloped in Nana’s creativity, thought and labour of love.

20140117-215836.jpg

20140117-215841.jpg
Ironically (or not ironically if you know my latest history with irony – here and here and here…)
Mom gave this quilt to Owen after her death as we found it in her closet waiting for his big boy bed.

Never bitter.

Never complaining.

Never fearful.

Mom.

Side note:
I just found the first quilt I ever made with my friend, Princess P. I had given it to my mom. I remembered how proud she was of me and how she displayed it in our living room. I also knew after many quilting conversations afterwards, that this first quilt inspired her own journey with quilting.

20140117-220218.jpg
Inspired.

Inspiring.

Creative.

Mom.

Be Sharing Food Love

If food was love my house (and my parents) would be exploding!

I am going to give you some insight into the last week. Just the last week! This food has been personally delivered to our doors with a smile and a hug.

Strap yourselves in here we go….

Fresh bread, fresh pie, turkey soup:

20140116-130109.jpg

20140116-130119.jpg
Thanks D!

Apples, pears, grapes and chocolate:

20140116-130201.jpg
Thanks retired colleague!

Now, this one I wish I took more pictures of because it was a box of Mexican bonanza: Corn bread, chili, Mexican lasagna, shepherds pie and the fixings.

20140116-130333.jpg
Thanks KCAM mommy A!

Today, I had a box of cookies arrive from the Island. Amazing D!

20140116-130433.jpg

And now a wonderful woman and a husband of someone who worked with Steve brought over chili.

20140116-130541.jpg

My heart overflows with gratitude for the food and the thought.

I probably have more pictures of food on my camera in the last week than my boys. How funny is that?

Food love.

Sharing the love.

Grieving the loss.