All posts by Be Enough

cancer, Grief

Be Telling Nana Stories

Leave a comment

I can’t wrap my head around that my mom is dead.

What happened?

I never really understood cancer, how it morphs and changes, how it can consume.

I feel sharp edges of grief.
Rough, hurtful, prickly especially when I think about my mom’s unnecessary pain and hospital stay.

These sharp edges are immediately smoothed over when I hear stories of my mom, our Nana.

Like a soothing balm, these stories cover the edges and ease the pain… until the next wave comes on this ocean of grief.

Last night, we went for a walk to the field at the end of my parents’ street. As we walked, I was remembering walking their with mom, tobogganing, having the dogs out there.

Suddenly JC and CC ran ahead of us, across the field. They sat on two pieces of wood standing up. They sat there for a long time. Then JC called us over. I don’t know what the boys said while they were sitting on those logs, but JC was very clear in what he told me.

“Mom, I sat on those logs with Nana. The last time I had a sleepover by myself. ”

JC was lit up with joy by this simple memory my mom created with him.

Beautiful memory.

20140116-125420.jpg
Breathtaking sunset.

Thanks mom!

Christianity, men

Be Wearing Purple

2 Comments

Sexy Neck agonized about his new purple shirt and tie. It was agonizing for me, anyways, watching him lay it out, try it on, switch ties…. You get the picture.

20140114-225138.jpg
He does pull out his pink shirt for anti-bullying day, but purple on a regular work day? He wasn’t sure.

How blessed is he?

Sexy Neck walked into work and both, YUP BOTH, of the other administrators were wearing purple.

Not planned.

Pure coincidence.

Yup, that’s how we roll around here these days.

Encouragement around every corner, even when we take a risk and wear purple.

I think the secretaries are now organizing a “Mauve Monday” clothing day.

The verdict is out on how Sexy Neck will roll with that.

Boys, Family, Grief

Be Playing in Puddles

Leave a comment

We had a novel January experience this afternoon – playing in puddles. Where is all the snow?

Auntie H (Sexy Neck’s cousin) offered to help out and she did.

Talk and tea with me.

Play and puddles with the boys.

She shed some tears with me and strapped on the gumboots!

Who can ask for anything more?

20140113-200500.jpg

20140113-200505.jpg

20140113-200513.jpg

20140113-200518.jpg
We got wet! And cold…

Auntie H had to ride CC’s scooter home.

20140113-200555.jpg

20140113-200601.jpg
We even met some ducks.

20140113-200626.jpg

Quack quack!

Squish squish!

Brrrrr….

Christianity, christmas, Grief

Be Asking Me How My Christmas Was

3 Comments

Ah, dear friends, my heart aches tonight.

My heart aches for my dad who has lost his wife. His retired plans shattered.

My mind hurts for my children who will not be able to experience my mom’s continual thoughtfulness, laughter and excitement for birthdays, back to school and activities.

My body is numb thinking about our future without my mom.

BUT today it also hurts for a lovely woman God has brought into our lives through our children’s schools.

We moved in the summer to KCity, the next day mom was diagnosed with cancer, 5 hospital visits, about 27 days overall in the hospital and mom dying on Boxing Day sums up the last five months. Ah ya, also must add in unpacking a new house, finding activities for the boys, where to get stamps, two weeks of pneumonia for me plus a family bout of stomach flu.

Back to today! S, the lovely lady works at JC’s school. I ran into her today as i went into the main building to drop off a cheque. She was her usual bubbly self and she threw out, “How was your Christmas?”

20140113-205351.jpg
My mind stopped. My throat went dry. I thought to myself, am I going to be honest or give the canned answer of “Fine, how was yours?”

I looked at her genuine smile and realized only the truth would do. I answered, “Not great! My mom died!” Her empathy was immediate and caring. She rolled with my answer and didn’t flee (like my neighbours have been doing).

She provided a moment to sit with me in my grief. What a gift from a very lovely woman.

Thank you S! I hope I haven’t instilled a fear in her asking how people’s Christmas’s were.

cancer, Family, Grief, Jesus Christ

Be Living with More Irony

1 Comment

Good Monday morning friends!

When I first found out about Jesus in University one of my favourite quotes was:
Coincidences are God’s way of remaining anonymous.

Through my experiences the last few months of snow, butterflies and irony, it has become very clear to me that God speaks to me through coincidences.

He speaks very clearly.

Look at all this irony:

Artwork and the word beauty.

Songs and emails.

And now a Facebook message:

A couple of days before my mom died, a mommy friend, C, was working as a nurse at hospice. She had just returned from maternity leave, this was her second shift.

Coincidence = God moment.

During this shift, she took the time to take me aside in the living room to explain what was happening with mom and her body. Mom had transitioned that day and was no longer speaking. I don’t know what I would have done without C’s insight and care for me.

Coincidence = God moment

After mom died, I ran into C at the cross country ski hill. The same night I wrote her a Facebook message to share a few things. She wrote me a message as well and SENT IT AT THE EXACT SAME TIME. 10:17pm

20140112-200408.jpg(The Facebook message itself!)

Coincidence = God moment

Off to lie down again.

Basking in sorrow.

Feeling the sun of love on my cheeks.

Amazed by my friends and God’s love for me.

How do you feel God speaks to you?

If you don’t feel He does, could you ask him?

cancer, Grief, Parenting

Be Saying Thanks

6 Comments

My dad continues to amaze me.

In each moment, throughout his grief, he has always been thoughtful of who he needs to say thank you to. He has exemplified gratitude through taking the time to express his heartfelt thanks.

With editing help from myself and my sister, my dad managed to get this thank you into this mornings paper. Incredible!

The hardest part of this process was that he was afraid he would forget to thank someone.

20140112-085224.jpg
Today, I am feeling sad but filled with gratitude for all my people in PG, Williams Lake, Summerland,Calgary, Edmonton, Vietnam, Kamloops, Kelowna, Spain, Germany, Cowichan Bay, Dawson City, Vancouver Lumby, Coldstream and here in Vernon where I currently row my boat of grief.

💓