Tag Archives: mental health

author, blogger, encouragement, psychology, writing

Be Wondering Why I Wrote My May 28th, 2023 Blog Post?

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In the wake of what I wrote on May 28th, 2023, I have had many, many people reach out via phone call, messenger and text to express their shock at what I shared about my mental and physical journey the last few years.

Yes, I am strong, but I am also a sponge. I feel things deeply.

Yes, I am a good listener, but I am also not great at sharing what I am experiencing. I feel things deeply.

Yes, I am realizing that I need to create a circle of support where I can be seen and heard. I feel things deeply.

Yes, I am one thousand million percent grateful that I wrote what I did and shared what I went through. I know that I truly shocked some of you, but I think it really reminds us that these last few years haven’t been easy for many people, whichever side of the “fence” you chose to be on. I wrote this post and had it sitting in my “drafts” for a few weeks, but I decided to publish it for three groups of people.

First, this last autumn season we had two very remarkable young woman living in K-City, one was my niece and the other was Bubba’s daughter, my oldest friend in the world’s daughter. It was such a special time to have them here. When I wrote this post, I thought of them and our three boys. Perhaps one of them will stumble on to this when they need it the most. I hope my sharing will help them is some small way.

I never wrote this post because I needed help right now or I wanted something from someone or I wanted to bring shame or guilt onto anyone else. My message was simply to help one other person, either now or in the future when someone stumbles upon that blog. One beloved friend wrote to me a few days after my blog: “I just wanted to say a huge thank-you for sharing your last post on Be Enough about re-claiming your health (mental and physical)…. Basically all you have been through and how you’ve described it is EXACTLY how I’ve felt the past 3 years.”. The second reason was simply to help one person feel less alone!

Lastly, I was also thinking of all the young people who have committed suicide these last three years. (And no, suicide was never an option or thought for me personally, but my darkest moments made me think about the hopelessness people must feel when they attempt or commit suicide.) Every day in Canada 11 people commit suicide and 200 people attempt it. Did you know that 75% of the people who commit suicide are male? The saddest part for me as I learned about suicide rates in our beautiful and “in need of healing” country was this rate is rising, not going down, with everything we know about mental health.

I wonder what would happen is more of us shared our stories, without worrying about judgement of being labelled or worrying about being put into a box or then having people try to “fix” us. I wonder if people were exactly where they are, when they are, how they are what our communities would look like?

And that’s all for this Thursday folks. Love what you do!

xoxo Joanna

author, Grief, health & fitness, life, Self-help, teaching, Wordsmith

Be Restarting Your Health Journey – vroom vroom

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I can count on my left hand those that know that in 2019, before Steve’s mom died, that I was training for an Ironman triathlon. My goal was to swim almost 4 kilometres (2.5 miles), bike 180 kilometres (112 miles) and finish it all off with a Run/walk a marathon (42 kms and 26 miles.). I gave up on that dream when she died and we spent every few weekends in Vancouver for a few months. 

I can count on no hands nor fingers those that know the depth of my physical and mental health struggles the last three years. Here’s the honest truth on what the big picture looked like for me:

🔆 Two summers of not wanting to get out of bed even when the sun streamed in my window. 

💪🏻 Two plus years of sheer willpower and “push” to get off my butt to exercise, which has been a first for me in my entire life. 

🧥700 days of hiding under extra-large clothing, even in 30 degree Celsius weather. 

🙈 700 days of hiding, to be honest. Not wanting to see people, run into people I know or even reach out to friends. 

🙏🏻Tried two different counsellors, neither were a good fit. (or is it “neither was”? hahha)

😩Reached out to no one nor shared with anyone the depth of the pit I felt that I had dug for myself. 

👀The heaviest weight I have ever been in my life, even more than my three pregnancies or after my mom died. (This sure doesn’t feel good!) 

And why I am writing about this now and what changed for me? 

Did I lose weight? Finally found a professional counsellor I could trust?  Started seeing other human beings, outside my work, on a regular basis? None of these things happened for me!  

Four things did changed for me and they all involved random conversations with other people when I stepped outside my four walls. The message I am going to share with my stories is simple: If you relate to any of the six points I wrote down above, don’t wait 700 days to reach outside of your four walls. Right now, listen to a podcast, text someone, go for a walk, ask your neighbour for an egg or simply reach out to another human being in any way that feels good for you. 

The four things that finally helped me make some really HUGE personal shifts took place over a six month period of time. 

First, I have always been someone who listens to podcasts when they do laundry or when I drive or go for a long solo walks. In October, I was introduced to a podcast that began THE shift. Mel Robbins, your twice weekly podcasts have been something that have given me so many tips, moved me to take some small steps and gave me the shovel that started my dig out of my mental and physical hole. Your life journey is powerful and I am grateful that you share with us all. I gave your ideas a try.

Second, in October, I was at my lowest point of this two plus year journey. I was in Vancouver and a friend knew I was in town. We went for a walk and she shared about an App that helped her with her eating habits and overall health. I gave it a try. 

Third, in April, Steve and I were out for our evening walk and we ran into some neighbours.  They shared that they were doing a “Couch to 5km” walk/run program that was simple and tailored to what you want to do. (This was humbling to consider as four years ago, I would run 20 kilometres for fun on a weekend!) I humbled myself and gave it a try. 

Lastly, at the end of April, I was at a teacher’s conference and three of my colleagues were sitting around a table. Suddenly, one of them shrieked about a job that was available at our school and said, “You would be amazing at that!”.  They immediately called over my boss and she wholeheartedly agreed.  I decided to apply. 

In all of these instances, I was showing up in the world as my unhealthiest, unhappiest, down in the lowest point in the second most challenging spot in my life.  (My mom’s death was and is still number one!) 

But, I just showed up and walked. 

I showed up and walked some more. 

And I simply did my job to the best of my ability! 

Now, things are shifting in radical and profound ways (more on that in a later post!). 

Be you. 

Exactly where you are. 

Show up, how and when you can. 

Reach outside those four walls around yours. 

And watch things unfold. 

Let my life be a testimony that there is always hope. 

The best is truly YET to come for me, Sexy Neck and our boys. 

And the best is YET to come for you too! 

Strap yourself in folks for what is to come and love what you do! 

Xoxo Joanna 

author, health & fitness, musings, Wordsmith

Be Radically Healing your Roots

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As I wander through this season and through my days I see and feel roots everywhere.

I look at a tree, I can imagine its strong, gnarly roots spreading underneath the ground beneath me.

I pull out a sunflower plant, I can see its tangled, frail roots flowing freely from the bottom stem.

I find out about anger, shame, guilt, deep depression and can see the loneliness, brokenness and shattered roots within.

I know these roots.

They were my roots.

I was never enough.

I could never do enough.

(Anyone see the reason for the title of this blog?) 

I never felt enough.

Oh man, was I angry.

I was missing whole days in darkness.

I was surrounded by love, yet feeling so alone.

What did I do my friends?

How could one possibly change roots?

Deep down, buried, from your DNA and how you were created: Roots!

How are those possible to change?

Something happened FOR me.

Yup, not TO me.

FIRST, I took 100% responsibility for what was happening around me, not because I was responsible for everything, but because I was responsible to acknowledge and choose how I was going to respond.

I realized I am a powerful person who has the power to choose my actions, who I surround myself with and how I choose to react to what’s happening to me.

Simple, yet means you need to be awake.

NEXT, I started looking at the negative emotions that constantly swirled inside of me.  Those emotions that have just become a habit.  A superhighway in my brain that would only take one word or even one “tone of voice” to send me speeding down into a three car mental pileup down the other end.  I saw that the negative emotions were happening in only certain situations and with certain people.  Most of my negative emotions were linked to my expectations I was placing on the people closest to me and my inability to simply feel good about anything I was doing.

Anger.

Shame.

Guilt.

Depression.

Yup, I was rocking them all, down Highway 97.  Up and down, all day long.  Even when I didn’t want to take the road trip.  Suddenly, I would spiral down into the pileup.

NEXT, after I acknowledge where I was at, took a close look at the metaphorical branches, leaves and fruit that I had created in my life, I looked down into my roots.

What was brewing below these loud and proud negative emotions?

What did I really need to look at within myself?

What had I taken from my family of origin that no longer served me?

And glory to God alone, it became clear.

I was led to the Gottman Institute and this photo.  anger

When I was feeling angry, I was actually feeling something deep in my roots, which for me was actually shame.

I was feeling cornered.

Pressured.

Almost like I was being thrown off a boat.

Alone.

Helpless and scared.

Alone.

Misunderstood.

Trapped and not knowing what to do.

Alone.

My negative emotions that were speedy down that superhighway were speeding down a track that had nothing to do with where I want to go.

They were old roots.

Old stuff.

LASTLY, all I simply did to stop these mental car crashes was by creating new stuff.

I created a vision for the road that I wanted to go along.

I allowed myself to see and feel the negative emotions, but I didn’t stop there.

I looked at the roots, shook them out and started creating new habits, new patterns to grow some stronger, more positive and healthy roots.  I started hanging out more with people doing the same thing, or slightly ahead of me on their root growing. I held myself to these new habits and kept a standard for myself.

These negative roots were going to whither and die.

I had made a decision to upgrade my root system.

New habits.

New patterns.

Growing with others.

New standards.

Healthy roots.

Healthier Joanna.

Have an epic Thursday and love what you do.

xoxo Joanna

author, blogger, Book, Grief, positivity, Self-help

Be Having Spongy Strategies

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A little while ago, I went on my facebook live to talk about “standards” and got all us thinking about whose standards we are living by.  Our parents? Our culture? Our teachers or coaches?  Our pastors?   In the video, I also talked about: “What is the standard of being a good person?”.  Being a good person used to be my standard.  Now, my standard is LOVE, giving love. Freely, without barter.  Like these words that I pour out through my feelings and thoughts into this blog.  Giving freely with no expectations of any behaviour. I encourage you to listen to this facebook live and ponder your own personal standards.

After considering my own standard for living life, I became overwhelmed with depth of feeling about what I was dealing with in my daily life. These past weeks have been a deep, cherished growing time.   I work part time as a Physical Education teacher, I run a full time nutrition business that I am very passionate about.  I am loving on an elderly labrador retriever.  Add on to my plate running a VRBO guest house, creating time to write and workout all while pouring love and being present to three beautiful boys, that will give you a small snapshot of daily life.   As my husband has been travelling in Asia the last few weeks, my sponge has gotten more and more full.  I can tell that the sponge has become too full, as one night I yelled at my boys to put on their pajamas.  Really!  Yup, yelling, crying, feeling disgust and not being open are my ways of knowing my sponge is becoming full! Do you know your feelings that arise as your sponge gets saturated? And what the f does one do with those feelings?

Let me give you the privilege to share what I did this past week to make it to the end of the week still upright, continually smiling and still living within my standard.

Every day I move my body.

In some way.  Anyway.  Kitchen dance party or going to the gym.

I find a way.

Laugh.

Find someone who always makes you laugh or listen to something.

Find a way to laugh.

Bath.

Showering helps too!

There is something that is very refreshing and soothing about water.

Even though your sponge is full, find a way to get water moving around your body.

Limit your input.

For one day this week, I did not check any type of social media.

I purposely stayed in the “real world”, present to what was going on around me.

I found a way to have less input and more me.

Go within.

Pull the curtain back.

Look in the dark corners.

Thank those places that brought out the anger, the tears, the disgust.  Allow them to be.

That’s where I find me.

Hiding in the back, around the corner.  Truly me.

Live through the spongy times.

Fully awake to what you are feeling.

Knowing they will take you to a deep place.

A place to learn, to grow, to create roots to keep you from blowing over in the stormy weather.

A place to create an even larger sponge to deal with what comes your way in life.

A place to feel deeply.  Look deeply.  Be Deep.

Time to rinse out that sponge.

With one deep breath.

With the “spongy strategies” from the gift of grief from my mama.

Move.

Laugh.

Water.

Limit.

Go within.

xoxo Joanna

Flexibility, psychology

Be Stretched

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I’ve never been known for my ability to stretch. I have never been called Gumby! On my University volleyball team, I remember we used to laugh at my inability to touch my toes. I was called peg legged!

I know that I am not physically flexible, but I didn’t know how mentally inflexible I am!

I have been stretched. In the last six week, my husband has been injured, my physically home has changed, my boys have been sick and I have been holding onto to Jesus’ cloak asking for help.

Yesterday, my husband returned to the hospital because his suture was red and hot. Yes, he has an infection. He is now back on the couch at our house. We didn’t move back down the lake closer to his work. He can’t work for a few days.

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This sent me into an emotional tailspin – okay what now? Who goes where? Who is doing what and how can I get back to my yoga class?

It all “worked out”! But not before I almost had a meltdown because my expectations weren’t meeting up with reality. Boy have I been stretched!

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I may be able to touch my toes if this continues! I pray that I can!