Tag Archives: life

cancer, Grief

Be a Butterfly

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“How does one become a butterfly?

You must want to fly so much

that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”

 (Trina Paulus, Hope for the Flowers)

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I am free.

Flying.

Nothing holds me back nor down.

My greatest fears are gone.

 

I am open.

Soaring.

Nothing can dissuade me nor discourage me. 

My expectations have floated away. 

 

I am a butterfly. 

Gliding. 

Nothing can change my beauty. 

My imperfections are perfection. 

 

No longer am I crawling along the ground as a caterpillar.

I am out of the mud.

I am not longer just observing. 

I am free. 

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I am not sure why butterflies have become the symbols of my mom’s journey into heaven.  They were everywhere in Hospice and now on our trip to Hawaii they were hovering all around us.  I have never felt closer to my mom since she has passed.  I feel that in my new life here in a new town, these wings have now been fastened onto me.  I float between people, having no one friend to anchor me nor move me in any one direction.  I feel opportunities around every tree.

I feel inspired.

Creative.

Excited.

Anticipating.

I feel free.

Thank you mom for this great gift in your death.  Thank you for taking my fears with me.  Thank you for guiding us from this world into heaven.  You are a true trailblazer.  I love you mama.

Past blogs about butterflies: https://beenough.wordpress.com/2013/12/23/be-having-something-about-butterflies/

https://beenough.wordpress.com/2013/12/26/falling-snow-and-fluttering-butterflies/

https://beenough.wordpress.com/2014/03/20/be-surfing-under-rainbows-with-a-butterfly/

 

God, painting, writing

Be Going to a Retreat by a Lake

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Today, I left my brood of boys after our life shifting trip to Hawaii and spent eight hours at a healing prayer retreat for women.

Each woman had a beautiful opportunity to enjoy time with God while taking care of their soul through painting, massage, prayer or counselling.

I chose prayer counselling and watercolour painting as my soul care times as well I enjoyed time on my own walking and writing in my journal.

As I walk through my life, I continue to be amazed that when I stop or pause to notice God, He is ever-present in my life. I don’t think I shall ever cease to be amazed at the wondrous coincidences of God!

This morning, I started off with a cup of tea in this mug from Hawaii:

20140328-232422.jpg (That’s my new journal in the background from Sexy Neck, isn’t it cute?)

Next, a woman lead us in song with a UKELELE! How often do you see that here? But in Hawaii, I saw them in every store and heard one being played almost every day.

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Lastly, during my watercolour painting soul care session, I learned how to paint for the first time. I was playing with paint and created this:

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Which reminded me of my very favourite bridge in Haliewa on the North Shore. I paddle boarded under this bridge, saw turtles here, ate shaved iced beside it, walked over it multiple times and just stared at it. Is it possible to have a crush on a bridge?

Here is my lovely bridge:

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Which brings me to my first watercolour painting that I am not even afraid to share publicly.

20140328-233136.jpgOver my bridge towers a strong banyan tree representing Sexy Neck and on the sides you will see three growing palm trees for my boys.

Thankful for my painting teacher.

Thankful for God that I had this opportunity to try new things.

Every day is new.

His mercy and grace is real.

He weaves everything together for His good!

Healing.

Painting.

Wholeness.

Newness.

Noticing.

Peace.

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(Inspiration for my next painting.)

Boys, Family

Be Boogy Boarding and Busting Your Shorts

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We went to a new beach today. It was suppose to be family friendly, have great sand and be a fun place to boogy board.

Look at this postcard, it looks idyllic:

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We received a few clues that the day was going to be a wild one when a Hawaiian boogy boarder screamed as a wave threw him into the air then the lifeguards came over the loud speaker reminding everyone that the current waters were unsafe for swimming, children and anyone inexperienced boogy boarding.

Checkout this photo I took of the bay and compare it to the postcard:

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Steve decided to give it a go anyways. Here he is with the blue board contemplating his entry:

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And this is what happened to his shorts:

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But then he decided to take our oldest son in to give it a try…

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Mama Bear and the lifeguards had to both yell at him. Me up close and personal, the lifeguards from the tower at the top of the beach.

The boys stayed on the sand for the rest of the morning building a rescue boat and a command centre. They had a great time. I was the only one traumatized by the crazy surf!

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At sunset, we went back to our favourite beach beside the turtles so that everyone could do some boogy boarding.

Checkout this perfect little wave lapping up onto the beach:

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OC and I were able to rest on the beach and make a bus:

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Another incredible day! OC got his feet wet by a wave for the first time and no one was sucked out to sea or pulverized too badly by waves. 20140322-214958.jpg
Tomorrow, we will be shopping for shorts!

Boys, Family

Be Hunting for Turtles

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Today, we went on a turtle hunt. The honu, or Hawaiian sea turtle, is the Hawaiian symbol of longevity, peace, good luck, humility, long life and the spirit within. I could use all of those things in my life. How about you?

We started off the morning at Turtle Beach, the unofficial name for Laniakea Beach, hoping to snorkel and see the turtles. No turtles and no snorkelling as the currents were too strong.

We headed north down the island to do some snorkelling in an incredible area at Pupukea Beach Park. We were able to see whales in the distance.

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Tonight, we went to Haleiwa Beach Park to have a picnic dinner and what did we end up running into at the beach right beside the Haliewa Marina? Seven humongous turtles!

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Turtle hunt was an unexpected success !

Expect the unexpected!

Boys, Family, Grief

Be Happy/Sad Hockey is Over!

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Hockey in Vtown finished this afternoon. We love the coach, Z! She is the perfect balance of firm, fun and technical skills. She has continued to fuel our boys love for hockey.

We love the midweek connection we have had with papa and nana.

But frankly, I am exhausted. All of this driving, delving back and forth into my old life and how this season of our lives has unfolded.

I am happy/sad. My life is a dichotomy of mixed emotions most of the time, this is just another simple example.

OC got his first stick today:

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20140312-161747.jpgOC is a star hanging out for two hours while his brothers skate.

JC and Papa getting the equipment on:

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CC with his post-practice sweaty head:

20140312-161913.jpgAfter practice they had pizza for the players:

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Letting go.

Saying goodbye.

Sitting in happiness with sadness.

He shoots.

He scores!

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CC and JC on the ice together.

Boys, Family

Be Having a Snow Weekend

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Goodbye winter! We celebrated our last weekend up at the hill.

Saturday was the last day of cross country ski lessons. CC was very excited about his cookie race. JC loved going down the jungle trail and playing in the trees with his friend, K.

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Sunday, OC and I hit the cross country trails again. The big boys strapped on their downhill skis and hit some trails. CC went on the chairlift for the first time. The boys loved the Peanut Trail.

I think my boys will choose to take the ‘road less travelled’.

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Family, Grief

Be Letting Go of Ways to do Crap

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In my family of origin, there have been expectations on how to do things. In most cases, ‘Get er done!’ runs supreme. The quicker the better.

Recently the debate has been on about how to finish off our kitchen. I want to leave the cupboards open. I love my jars. People outside my family of boys have strong feelings that the kitchen crap should be hidden away behind a door.

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In our household, we have two distinct ways to lode our dishwasher. One of us likes to rinse and stack before putting them in the dishwasher. The other likes to throw em in and ‘Get er done!’. Guess who did this wonderful stacking?

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Is there a right or a wrong way? Really there isn’t.

Next CC and I have had a puzzling week. He is a four year old on fire for puzzles. But I noticed something curious. In my family of origin, we always flipped all the pieces over then did the outside edge first. CC always started by putting the pictures and similar colours first and would even flip over pieces as he went.

20140305-220709.jpgIs he doing it wrong? Someone might correct him. Not me! I love allowing my children the opportunity to listen to their own ways to do things.

Today in my anger, I had a breakthrough.
In this Post-Industrial Age where we don’t need to be perfect doing the same task over and over and over. I want to experience more freedom on how to ‘Get er done!’ while being cast adrift on my boat of grief.

In light of my letting go of this mentality of having one way to do crap, I think of John Travolta who mispronounced Indina Menzel’s name on the Oscar’s. I heard on the radio the opinion that he shouldn’t have introduced anyone if he couldn’t do it perfectly. Really? Who can judge perfection these days and who hasn’t made a mistake? We are teetering on a fine line when we expect perfection from our families, people around us and celebrities. Let’s stop hiding and realize there is more than one way to do most crap.

I am grateful for good old John for ‘Staying Alive’. Not only did he show his humanness, he introduced me to my new theme song: Let It Go.

Let it go.

The wind is howling.

I couldn’t let it go.

Heavens know I tried.

To be a good girl.

Distance.

Smallness.

No fears.

No right.

No wrong.

No rules.

I AM FREE!

The perfect girl is gone.

The storm still rages.

But I stand.

The cold has never bothered my anyways.
(Song lyrics from the movie Frozen, thank you Disney for letting me paraphrase).

My truth.

My way.

My anger.

Turned to letting go.

Let the storm rage on.