Tag Archives: goodbye

Be Saying ‘The Long Goodbye’

Grief is like one very long goodbye. My willingness to say goodbye is what is going to propel me forward.

Right now, I am a very sensitive being. I am very conscious of who I engage with and who gets a superficial ‘hello’. My senses are on high alert as I continue to grieve mom’s suffering in the hospital and as I grieve the loss of my mom each day. I can sense when someone is ‘on the same page’ as I am. I feel a harmony that exists on a spiritual/emotional level.

One friend that has met me exactly where I am at, recommended this amazing book. It is a memoir of a daughter losing her mother to colon cancer. It is real, kind, cruel, beautiful, pure grief and completely harmonious with where I am at.

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There were two things that struck me:

First, the ideas about other cultures having rituals around grief that we in the Western world don’t have. I wish I could wear black to symbolize my grief or at least make a sign like you hang on your store when you are having lunch that says: “On a grief break. Back in about ____ months. Fill in the blank. Your guess is as good as mine!” Every time I step out of my home, it is an effort. Every relationship I have is conscious and with people I feel God has placed in my life and are healthy for where I am at.

Broken.

Wounded.

Hurting.

Beautifully fragile.

A flower awaiting the sun.

Holding still.

Being.

The second idea that stuck with me from this book of great wisdom for me is this quote that comes from chapter fifteen. The author is speaking about a woman she had met. Here is the quote:

On December 30, I went to a party at my friend Stephanie’s, a reunion of friends. Maureen, a woman I’ve met earlier this year, took my hand and said,” I have been thinking about you, how are you?” She seems always to be seen what she believes, or finding a way to see what she believes, and so I told her about the ashes, about the difficulty of the anniversary., And idly mentioned the quarrel I’d had with a friend.

Maureen said, “these are the 18 months when you find out who can really go there and who can’t. This is a vulgar way of putting it, and there are many wonderful things about our culture, but I’m sorry, it is a phobic culture. People do not want to confront the existential mess that is life. They want to check things off – okay, you’re okay. I just because you can talk about your grief, you know,” she said, looking sharply at me, ” doesn’t mean you are in control of it, or that you know what’s going on. You’re in the ocean. And what you think, what you analyze, that is just descanting of that ocean. Your mind is an ocean and it has scary things in it. While you may be able to analyze your grief at 3 PM, that has nothing to do with how you feel at 3 AM, in the dark center of night. “

Oceans.

Nighttime.

Talk.

Feelings.

Out of control.

Understanding.

Living.

The Long Goodbye.

Be Happy/Sad Hockey is Over!

Hockey in Vtown finished this afternoon. We love the coach, Z! She is the perfect balance of firm, fun and technical skills. She has continued to fuel our boys love for hockey.

We love the midweek connection we have had with papa and nana.

But frankly, I am exhausted. All of this driving, delving back and forth into my old life and how this season of our lives has unfolded.

I am happy/sad. My life is a dichotomy of mixed emotions most of the time, this is just another simple example.

OC got his first stick today:

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20140312-161747.jpgOC is a star hanging out for two hours while his brothers skate.

JC and Papa getting the equipment on:

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CC with his post-practice sweaty head:

20140312-161913.jpgAfter practice they had pizza for the players:

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Letting go.

Saying goodbye.

Sitting in happiness with sadness.

He shoots.

He scores!

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CC and JC on the ice together.

Be Quiet Together

I am the kind of girl that is a tad bit loud to go along with my six foot frame.   Quiet time is not my strength, but it is becoming my strength.

As I journey through this year of blogging, and now moving, I am realizing that it is the quiet moments that I have with friends that are the most memorable and moving.

As a goodbye to a wonderful home, amazing neighbours and friends, I decided to host a yoga class in my empty house.   A wonderful “warrior” woman shared her gift of teaching, gift of yoga and gift of space and peace with us.

Here was my intention for the evening:

My hope is that this evening is a restful time for you and a celebration of all our new beginnings – large and small, chosen and not chosen, beautiful new beginnings. 

I pray with all my heart that you will always know love and grace, the love that allows your kids to run into your car on their bike and allows you the freedom to run over theirs.  Grace and love the surpasses all understanding. 

I pray that you know peace, peace of yoga, peace of skiing, paddling, time spent in Gods country, peace of being with people you love.

I pray that you always know pure joy.  Joy of eating together, reading together, Circle Park soccering together, wine drinking and laughing together.

I pray that you know your neighbours – incredibly caring, giving, loving, gracious neighbours.

I pray you know that there is a purpose and a plan to everything.  A beautiful patchwork quilt that has woven us all together and brought us together in this moment.

Lastly, I pray you know friendship. Friends who go along with crazy ideas for clubs, events, get togethers.  Friends who bake you gluten free treats and teach you how to bake.  Friends who share a piece of themselves, their struggles and their joys.  A friend who really wants all of you to do ZUMBA buy opts for a safe yoga class in her empty house.  Friends who walk with you during the early years of motherhood – whew!  Friends like you! 

I pray all these things as I trust in God with all my heart, leaning not on my own understanding.

In Jesus’ name, Amen. 

Cheers to ALL my Warrior women… to all of us in different seasons of life, but living it TOGETHER!  Peace and love to you ALL!

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