Tag Archives: anger

Be Letting Go of Ways to do Crap

In my family of origin, there have been expectations on how to do things. In most cases, ‘Get er done!’ runs supreme. The quicker the better.

Recently the debate has been on about how to finish off our kitchen. I want to leave the cupboards open. I love my jars. People outside my family of boys have strong feelings that the kitchen crap should be hidden away behind a door.

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In our household, we have two distinct ways to lode our dishwasher. One of us likes to rinse and stack before putting them in the dishwasher. The other likes to throw em in and ‘Get er done!’. Guess who did this wonderful stacking?

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Is there a right or a wrong way? Really there isn’t.

Next CC and I have had a puzzling week. He is a four year old on fire for puzzles. But I noticed something curious. In my family of origin, we always flipped all the pieces over then did the outside edge first. CC always started by putting the pictures and similar colours first and would even flip over pieces as he went.

20140305-220709.jpgIs he doing it wrong? Someone might correct him. Not me! I love allowing my children the opportunity to listen to their own ways to do things.

Today in my anger, I had a breakthrough.
In this Post-Industrial Age where we don’t need to be perfect doing the same task over and over and over. I want to experience more freedom on how to ‘Get er done!’ while being cast adrift on my boat of grief.

In light of my letting go of this mentality of having one way to do crap, I think of John Travolta who mispronounced Indina Menzel’s name on the Oscar’s. I heard on the radio the opinion that he shouldn’t have introduced anyone if he couldn’t do it perfectly. Really? Who can judge perfection these days and who hasn’t made a mistake? We are teetering on a fine line when we expect perfection from our families, people around us and celebrities. Let’s stop hiding and realize there is more than one way to do most crap.

I am grateful for good old John for ‘Staying Alive’. Not only did he show his humanness, he introduced me to my new theme song: Let It Go.

Let it go.

The wind is howling.

I couldn’t let it go.

Heavens know I tried.

To be a good girl.

Distance.

Smallness.

No fears.

No right.

No wrong.

No rules.

I AM FREE!

The perfect girl is gone.

The storm still rages.

But I stand.

The cold has never bothered my anyways.
(Song lyrics from the movie Frozen, thank you Disney for letting me paraphrase).

My truth.

My way.

My anger.

Turned to letting go.

Let the storm rage on.

Be Sad

I am “hollow in the pit of my stomach” sad.

I had a picture of how my life would unfold, where I would live and specifically in which town. My husband, Sexy Neck, has been working 60 kilometres down the lake since July.

We are moving so that we can have more time playing/eating/wrestling together as a family, instead of Sexy Neck spending two hours per day in his “steel box on wheels” with just the ability to talk with us on the phone.

BUT I AM SAD!  Right now my “work”, with the help of a very wise, God-loving woman, is learning to acknowledge what I am feeling and what my children are feeling.  I didn’t realize that my body lets me know how I am feeling even before my mind tells me.  This is a profound thought for me, as I am very in tune to my body due to many years of competitive sport.

My sadness comes in the form of a hollow stomach, my anger comes in sweaty hands/ battering heart and my fear come in tension in my shoulders and down my arms.   What does your body do/tell you?

My children love this new habit of me acknowledging their feelings, getting down to their physical level, naming their feeling (anger, frustration, happy, sad, excited) and giving them a hug/kiss.  This simple acknowledgement seems to diffuse almost every situation that occurs in our home.

So here is the house with the for sale sign:

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Not many people knew that we were going to sell our house.  We had an offer even before we put it on the market. Glory to God alone! The realtor had told us that it would take between six and twelve months.  God is helping us move forward, but I am not quite ready.

I am still sad.  I wish that as people found out about us selling that they could acknowledge my sadness.  The normal response is pointing out all the great things, activities, schools, people, areas about the new city that we are going to.

What is wrong with being a little sad?  Please let me grieve so that I don’t have to see a counsellor about this issue in ten years.

Today I will be with my feelings… tomorrow I will probably be jumping off the walls with excited.  I will keep you posted!