Tag Archives: fear

Be Getting Untangled by a Weed

When I was a child, I never wanted to jump off the boat into the water.  The only way that I learned how to water ski was because I was afraid to fall into the weeds, so I decided to never fall.  I wouldn’t swim out to the buoys because I couldn’t see the bottom or I could see the weeds down below.  I am not sure which was worse.

Today, I swam two point one kilometres (1.3 miles) across our local lake with over 1200 other swimmers.  Six weeks ago, I couldn’t swim longer than 300 metres (984 feet) without putting my feet on the sandy, shallow bottom.  Yup, swimming along the kiddy area trying to keep my heart in my body!

Over the six week, I trained with a group who met every Saturday.  I listened.  I watched.  I put my head down into the water and did my best.   Throughout the week, I swam with a new friend who was in a similar place as me.  We made shrill shrieks as we entered the cool water.  We swam together.  We drank some lake water.  We eventually went around and around those buoys, but we had never swam across the lake.

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Until today.

Today, I awoke to the still lake water.  I watched it shimmer as the sun peeked out from behind a cloud.   I watched excited, nervous, wide-eyed people, over five hundred newbies, get ready to swim across this lake.

And you know what happened?  Within a few moments of starting the race, my leg got tangled up with a week.  Right leg started kicking, my mind was annoyed.  I had a choice.

Carry this weed throughout the race or shake it off and move on.

I kicked my right leg and off it slid and on I went.

Full of strength and grace.

Supported and lovingly held by this beautiful water.

Feeling like a dolphin, a mermaid or even a fish heading home.

I untangled more than that weed today.

As I swam head down, stroke by stroke,

I realized that that weed was a symbol of my emotions.

Am I willing to acknowledge where I am at in any given moment?

Am I will to shake it off, untangle the emotion and let it go?

Am I willing to swim my race, allowing the emotions to come, and just continue?

When you are swimming, there really isn’t much choice, but swim.

In life, there really isn’t much choice, but to live.

With our emotions.

Wherever we are in our stroke on the lake of life.

Riding the waves, like I did with my grief.

Finding camaraderie among people on the same journey, listening, learning.

With the strength and grace of practice, mental mindset and allowing myself to be.

Being me.

Being enough.

While getting untangled by a weed.

I am post-race untangled here!  Oh what a beautiful feeling!

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(Note from the author: Thirty-nine minutes swimming in a lake will bring up such metaphors.  I had the most mental clarity and mental “stillness” in that water today than I have ever had in any moment in my entire life! WOAH)

 

 

Be Slaying Cake Demons

Two years of buying cakes.  

Ice cream. 

Fondant. 

Chocolate.  

Vanilla. 

Cakes. 

Made by professionals.  

Two years ago was the first time that my boys did not have a birthday cake made by my mom.  

Elmo. 

Bert. 

Pirate.  

Digger.  

Cakes.  

Whatever the boys requested, my mom would lovingly and happily create.  

My boys most memorable birthday moments have been their cakes. 

Tonight, I slayed some cake demons.  Often the hardest things create the most freedom within us and around us.  

Tonight, I made my newly four year old’s request for a fire truck cake.  

Tears in my eyes.  

Heart racing.  

Knees trembling.  

Pink icing and all. 

(Who knew red icing was so hard to make?) 

I MADE A FIRE TRUCK CAKE! 

Soul cleansing.  

Mind moving.  

New habits.  

Overcoming.  

Triumphing. 

Cake making.  

Happy Birthday OC. 

(My mom’s namesake.) 

  
What hard stuff will you push through today?   What freedom will you create? 

Be Getting Ready to Sell Some Green Tea HAWAII

I feel sick.

I am afraid.

I am checking my list.

I am humbly asking for help.

I am going out of my realm of comfort.

I am preparing to sell some Green Tea HAWAII at a Craft Fair on Friday. IMG_7107.JPGYup, me!

Selling tea!

I am not a salesperson.

Nor driven by money.

But I do love this product.

I believe in its health benefits.

So I will stand and share.

I will invite anyone who asks to join my Green Tea HAWAII tea party!

A girl’s dream.

A giant tea party!

Be Sad

I am “hollow in the pit of my stomach” sad.

I had a picture of how my life would unfold, where I would live and specifically in which town. My husband, Sexy Neck, has been working 60 kilometres down the lake since July.

We are moving so that we can have more time playing/eating/wrestling together as a family, instead of Sexy Neck spending two hours per day in his “steel box on wheels” with just the ability to talk with us on the phone.

BUT I AM SAD!  Right now my “work”, with the help of a very wise, God-loving woman, is learning to acknowledge what I am feeling and what my children are feeling.  I didn’t realize that my body lets me know how I am feeling even before my mind tells me.  This is a profound thought for me, as I am very in tune to my body due to many years of competitive sport.

My sadness comes in the form of a hollow stomach, my anger comes in sweaty hands/ battering heart and my fear come in tension in my shoulders and down my arms.   What does your body do/tell you?

My children love this new habit of me acknowledging their feelings, getting down to their physical level, naming their feeling (anger, frustration, happy, sad, excited) and giving them a hug/kiss.  This simple acknowledgement seems to diffuse almost every situation that occurs in our home.

So here is the house with the for sale sign:

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Not many people knew that we were going to sell our house.  We had an offer even before we put it on the market. Glory to God alone! The realtor had told us that it would take between six and twelve months.  God is helping us move forward, but I am not quite ready.

I am still sad.  I wish that as people found out about us selling that they could acknowledge my sadness.  The normal response is pointing out all the great things, activities, schools, people, areas about the new city that we are going to.

What is wrong with being a little sad?  Please let me grieve so that I don’t have to see a counsellor about this issue in ten years.

Today I will be with my feelings… tomorrow I will probably be jumping off the walls with excited.  I will keep you posted!