Heat comes over my body by the words said to me.

The slice me.

Dice me.

Cut me up.

For many weeks now I have chosen to be quieter in my life.

Be still.

Use less words.

But this change makes people uncomfortable.

The one who had the words of many, now has words of few?

The change from many to few words was swift, like a swipe of a sword.

It started three and a half weeks ago…

I shared an idea, just a fun, easygoing idea with someone close, but often my ideas are questioned.

I still try to share.

Call me an optimist or perhaps even crazy.

Sometimes my explanations must be Russian due to the confusion. (I don’t even speak Russian!)

Why can’t ideas be encouraged, valued, and built up?

Why do they need to be questioned until nothing is left and all excitement is gone?

Next, I found out that my grandma died by a forwarded emailed from my mom’s sister, that I haven’t heard from since my mom died. This Aunt I spent EVERY Christmas, Easter and summer vacation with growing up! We lived in the same town.

She said my email didn’t work.

The same one that I have had since email was invented.

And then, I heard from a friend going through a very stressful time. Their body was exhausted, they felt their life was a disaster. They were overwhelmed with overwhelming life.

I told them my latest mistake and I shared a funny story but they said they didn’t need that. They told me just to pray.

Lastly, I tried to help someone out. I did something they asked me to do. I did what they were suppose to do. And all I heard were complaints about their health, their money, their stuff.

They didn’t once use the words, “thank you”.

We are thoughtless in our words that cut like a sword.

In our Western comfy world, our words are weapons.

They belittle instead of build up.

They chastise instead of praise.

They truly cut me up.

Broken.

Torn.

No words can diffuse this pain.

Off for a run!