How do you explain something with words that is just a feeling?

What do you say to describe a place where only you may be at?

I have been searching for weeks to describe this sense of where I am as I begin 2015.

Suddenly, as I read another woman’s story, it hit me:

“Threshold.”

A word to describe where I am at.

The best one that I can conjure up.

I am neither living in my past, nor do I feel that I am moving anywhere in the forward direction.

Sitting.

Holding still.

On a threshold.

For those that know me well, they know that holding still is not my forte.

Give me a list.

Tell me what needs to be “done”.

Ask me to organize.

I am your woman!

But not now.

Maybe not again.

My head is still fuzzy.

The grief I feel is deep and raw.

The hole my mom has left in my life is vast.

So I sit, peacefully in my home.

Happy on the ski hill.

Surrounded by love.

Glancing back.

Looking forward.

Just being.

On the threshold.