Tag Archives: cancer

cancer, Grief, writing

Be Going Under

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The waves pour over me.

The grief is profoundly painful.

Tears flows readily.

One year ago, my mom went into the hospital in excruciating pain.

Seventeen days she spent there.

The first time!

Our family was forever changed.

The knots that held my life together were unravelled, split apart and thrown into the fire.

Relationships changed forever.

Expectations shifted.

Pain.

Anguish.

Out of control.

Life. 20140803-220404-79444078.jpg

I will walk through my grief.

I will keep moving.

I know my strength, my weaknesses, my failings, my ways…

I will reach up towards the friends who love and accept me.

I will ride my bike.

I will give myself time and grace.

I will lie down when I need to.

I will not use food to soothe my soul.

I will not watch the news.

I will not put this on my boys.

I will not put my heart into a place where I could be wounded.

I will continue to deal with my stuff.

I will continue to loosen the rope, letting go of expectations.

I will cry.

I will seek God.

I will keep my eyes open for the light.

I will hold on as I go under.

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Boys, God, Grief, Parenting

Be Hearing Night Night from Nana

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I looked out the car window and saw the sun setting through the cloud. I exclaimed, “A slice of heaven!”

Almost three year old OC said, “Nana in heaven!”

Then we had a family discussion on what being dead means.

OC piped up, “Nana talk to me.”

Our seven year old added, “She talks to me too!”

I asked them what does she say.

OC said, “Night night. From her house in heaven.”

Enough said.

Night night everyone. 20140725-212805-77285465.jpg

Boys, Family, health & fitness, Parenting, Uncategorized

Be Sharing Green Tea Hawaii Love

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My story with Green Tea Hawaii started even before I knew that Green Tea Hawaii existed. green tea logo In the summer of 2013, my mom was in profound pain. She had a distended stomach. We thought it was a bladder infection. It was cancer. She journeyed through six months with cancer, living in tremendous pain. We shared many moments shaving her head, watching the boys, cutting her toenails, living each moment. Very unexpectantly the cancer continued to multiply and mom became an angel in heaven on Boxing Day 2013.

Back in mid-October, Mom went to see a Physician at an Integrative Cancer Clinic that supports each patient’s emotional, physical and spiritual health. At this appointment, they doctor covered many topics from eating, exercise, supplements, meditation and encouraged mom on her overall cancer journey. One moment that made her laugh, was when he suggested that she drink ten cups of green tea per day. It has shown that drinking green tea slows down and even stops cancer cell’s from multiplying. My mom was barely eating nor drinking at this point, so the thought of drinking ten cups of green tea made us giggle. If I only knew…

Fast forward now to March, where our family had been given a great gift from a University friend and teammate, their house for ten days in Hawaii. We were also given free access to this amazing product that they own called Green Tea Hawaii. They had samples all over their kitchen counter and we helped ourselves.  Green Tea Hawaii changed our lives.

Everyone I know that has tried Green Tea Hawaii talks about the benefit of the extra energy. I now ride my bike at 6:00am, just because I want to and can. (And I ain’t no morning person!) I enjoy doing Jillian Michaels DVD’s in the afternoon and evenings because I have the energy to. Plus I still have lots left in me to be a present and loving mom to my three boys under seven. Before Green Tea Hawaii, I was struggling.

I love the L-theanine in the Green Tea Hawaii as it gives me a great sense of peace. The combination of the Noni and green tea is absolutely delicious. This is a sweet tea, but contains less than one gram of stevia and sugar. (One teaspoon of sugar is about four to five grams for those visual people.)

Hot or cold.

Shaken not stirred.

Mixed with about a cup of pure water

I have finally found my drink!

The health benefits of the Green Tea Hawaii take me back to the appointment with my mom. Each sleeve of the Green Tea Hawaii equal around 45 cups of Green Tea. Yup, you read that correctly. My mom could have drank just one sleeve and had more than the benefits of the 10 cups of tea that were recommended. satchet

 

The other benefit of Green Tea Hawaii is weight loss. This is an added bonus for me as I already love the health benefits of this product. If you take one sleeve fifteen minutes before breakfast and again before lunch, it revs up your metabolism. I am not entirely sure how this works, but as of today, I have lost fifteen pounds. But nothing compares to the taste, cancer fighting and energy that Green Tea Hawaii brings me.

My dad now uses Green Tea Hawaii to help with his arthritis from his hockey playing days. My husband doesn’t drink pop or energy drinks anymore and he has more energy than before. In one weekend, he planted twenty-two cedars and fifteen HUNDRED square feet of new grass. He had a Green Tea Hawaii in the afternoon and early evening which gave him what he needed to work hard. IMG_4165IMG_4172 Lastly, I have to tell you that after I discovered Green Tea Hawaii, I went to my Naturopathic Physician. Anything that I eat or drink on a daily basis, I like to check out with her. She looked at the ingredients and loved the product for me. She only cautioned the caffeine in Green Tea can disrupt your sleep cycle, so don’t have it after five o’clock in the evening. One sleeve of Green Tea Hawaii is the same amount of caffeine in one cup of Java. She loved the calming affect of the L-theanine as well as the health benefits of the high quality Green Tea from Japan and the Noni from the Polynesian Island. I am very excited and full of gratitude that I can share this product with anyone that would like to try it. Can you tell? IMG_4654IMG_4664
Off to ECity to learn more about Green Tea Hawaii.

Full of gratitude.

Full of energy.

Full of cancer fighting Green Tea.

Feeling the Hawaiian Noni love.

Sweet and cool on a hot day.

Warm and comforting on a cold day.

Healthy.

Green Tea Hawaii.

Love!

 

Sidenote: You can leave me a comment,  text or call me if you are interested in trying a sample.  I have had many people ask since this post.

 

cancer, Family, writing

Be Saying ‘Thank You’ to my Mom’s CFUW friends

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I have talked before about my salty people. As my mom and dad journeyed through cancer, I got to see first hand the saltiness of their friends.

Yesterday, I was fortunate to help my dad host a group of my mom’s favourite people at their house overlooking the lake.

20140709-202042-73242308.jpgAll of these women belong to the CFUW. (Canadian Federation of University Women)

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Mom moved full time to Vtown when JC, our oldest, was three months old in July of 2007. Over the years as mom and I talked about all the amazing people she was meeting hiking, biking, quilting, volunteering or even her next door neighbour, mom always expressed “oh she’s in CFUW too!” They are everywhere.

20140709-202224-73344037.jpg“Where are Nana’s friends?”

I have taken up riding my bike very early in the morning. For those who know me well, you are probably lying on the floor laughing or passed out, as you know I not a morning person nor much of a long distance bike rider. I feel close to my mom in the quiet mornings as the pedals crank and hear the birds. I also love seeing who is out and about as well as exploring this new city. Earlier this week, I chose a random street along the lake and you will never guess what I saw. A sign stating:

20140710-080735-29255301.jpgThe CFUW are everywhere, even taking care of a street along the lake.

During my mom’s cancer journey, her CFUW friends were everywhere. They provided food delivered to hospice for our family, picked up boxes of books to be donated, just because I asked. They provided close conversation and space for mom to be herself. They brought pictures to uplift and stories to comfort. This group of women did everything they could for my family and especially my dear mom.

At the Vancouver Peace Summit in 2009, the Dalai Lama foretold that Western women will save the world. After watching my mom’s CFUW friends, I believe him.

With gratitude,

For all the gifts,

Giving freely and lovingly,

Over the course of this last year!

To a group of women,

Who gave these gifts,

Of themselves, through themselves,

Independently and collectively,

Thank you from the bottom of my family’s hearts and stomachs!

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Grief, writing

Be Reading Beth Moore ‘Breaking Free’

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I took this book off the shelf this week.

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I put it on the back of the toilet seat to open when I had a quiet moment while I lock myself in the bathroom.

Then I opened the book to this page:

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These last few weeks I have been in a dark tomb of anger, fatigue, sadness and again wondering how to live this new life in the light without my mom. I have many words tumbling in my head, most not rated G. I am thinking thoughts I have never thought and experiencing deep emotions on both ends of the spectrum.

I feel sadness that knocks me over as I watch mothers with their mothers. I cannot move but just stare when I see the grandmas picking up their grandchildren, filled with joy, from preschool. I want my mom by my side on my bike. I desire her steady presence and insight into my life.

I weep.

I don’t know what the next moment will bring, but my heart is full of gratitude for the gift of Beth Moore, books, my ability to read and God weaving everything together.

Holding on.

Tight.

Sitting in my grief.

Damn, it’s hard.

Knowing this will not overcome me.

Trusting.

Being grateful for the life I have.

In Christ alone.

Boys, cancer, Family, Grief, writing

Be Writing Thank You Notes to New Neighbours

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As, Jimmy Fallon from The Tonight Show, sits down to write his own thank you notes, I decided to write thank you notes to our new neighbourhood.

Thank you to Jimmy for the inspiration. Here are this evening’s thank you notes by Jimmy. This is my personal twist of sarcasm at its best! Some points are exaggerated for comedic effect, unfortunately most points are not.

🌀Thank you neighbour for leaving your garbage can, recycling can and compost bin at the curb ALL WEEK LONG. We love watching you put your garbage out in your housecoat as well as watch your kids friend’s play bumper cars with the bins as they try to park their cars beside them.

🌀Thank you neighbour for parking your semi-truck on our street every Thursday to Saturday and driving away without any lights on like we don’t see you.

🌀Thank you neighbour for bringing your son over to play then leaving him at our house for two hours fifteen minutes after we met you. We can see why you needed the break.

🌀Thank you neighbour for calling me by the wrong name every morning at exactly 8:15 when you come out to walk your dog. My name is hard to remember, as it is the same as yours.

🌀Thank you neighbour for not smoking inside your house. We appreciate the stench in our yard and throughout our house, especially when you decide to pull out the ‘pot’.

🌀Thank you neighbour for asking my son if he’s “skipping school” when you saw him at home on a school day. Uhhhh, he was sick and he’s six. He had no idea what you were talking about.

🌀Thank you neighbour for standing on your porch in your white undershirt just staring into our yard.

🌀Thank you other neighbour for walking very slowly down our back fence, like you are doing the wedding march with the groom standing in the middle of our backyard. Next time just pop over for a look so that you don’t hurt your neck.

🌀Thank you neighbour for taking off your dog’s leash as you approach our houses so that it can urinate on our lawn then bark at our dog at our gate. Thank you for finally not allowing your dog to come into our house anymore.

🌀Thank you neighbour for telling me that my mom just gave up and wanted to die. I guess the millions of cancer cells multiplying had nothing to do with it.

🌀Thank you neighbour for using pesticides to kill the weeds on the edge of our lawn bordering your property. My boys sperm count thank you.

🌀Speaking of boys, thank you neighbour for exclaiming in front of my family of four boys the very first time we met you, “Oh, I was hoping you were going to have little girls!” Welcome to my family of big boys. (Now perhaps stunted due to your pesticide use).

Family, Grief, writing

Be Purple Footed

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My heart is holey today.

I wish I could say it is holy.

The death of my mom is feeling large today.

Tears sit at the edge of my eyes.

My heart hurts.

I want to speak to my mom.

I have so many unanswered questions.

I feel an incredible sadness of her not ‘being’ in my everyday life.

It’s a deep purple heartfelt loss.

I choose, today, to slip on Mom’s soft purple Keen’s. (Mom always bought the best shoes and how fortunate am I that the shoes fit!)

One step at a time I tenderly walk through my day…

until…

A friend and her daughter excitedly point at my shoes.

She exclaims, “We have the same shoes! Let’s all wear them tomorrow!” Here they are in their beautiful purple shoes:

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Tomorrow, I won’t be wearing my purple Keen’s alone.

My heart aches a little less.

The hole in my heart feels smaller.

I sense God’s holy presence through the coincidence of purple shoes.

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Friday morning add-on:
Look what my A friend wore to school drop-off/work today:

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Pure awesomeness.

Friendship.

Solidarity.

In grief.

Thank you A, M and Sweet C!!