As, Jimmy Fallon from The Tonight Show, sits down to write his own thank you notes, I decided to write thank you notes to our new neighbourhood.
Thank you to Jimmy for the inspiration. Here are this evening’s thank you notes by Jimmy. This is my personal twist of sarcasm at its best! Some points are exaggerated for comedic effect, unfortunately most points are not.
🌀Thank you neighbour for leaving your garbage can, recycling can and compost bin at the curb ALL WEEK LONG. We love watching you put your garbage out in your housecoat as well as watch your kids friend’s play bumper cars with the bins as they try to park their cars beside them.
🌀Thank you neighbour for parking your semi-truck on our street every Thursday to Saturday and driving away without any lights on like we don’t see you.
🌀Thank you neighbour for bringing your son over to play then leaving him at our house for two hours fifteen minutes after we met you. We can see why you needed the break.
🌀Thank you neighbour for calling me by the wrong name every morning at exactly 8:15 when you come out to walk your dog. My name is hard to remember, as it is the same as yours.
🌀Thank you neighbour for not smoking inside your house. We appreciate the stench in our yard and throughout our house, especially when you decide to pull out the ‘pot’.
🌀Thank you neighbour for asking my son if he’s “skipping school” when you saw him at home on a school day. Uhhhh, he was sick and he’s six. He had no idea what you were talking about.
🌀Thank you neighbour for standing on your porch in your white undershirt just staring into our yard.
🌀Thank you other neighbour for walking very slowly down our back fence, like you are doing the wedding march with the groom standing in the middle of our backyard. Next time just pop over for a look so that you don’t hurt your neck.
🌀Thank you neighbour for taking off your dog’s leash as you approach our houses so that it can urinate on our lawn then bark at our dog at our gate. Thank you for finally not allowing your dog to come into our house anymore.
🌀Thank you neighbour for telling me that my mom just gave up and wanted to die. I guess the millions of cancer cells multiplying had nothing to do with it.
🌀Thank you neighbour for using pesticides to kill the weeds on the edge of our lawn bordering your property. My boys sperm count thank you.
🌀Speaking of boys, thank you neighbour for exclaiming in front of my family of four boys the very first time we met you, “Oh, I was hoping you were going to have little girls!” Welcome to my family of big boys. (Now perhaps stunted due to your pesticide use).