I looked out the car window and saw the sun setting through the cloud. I exclaimed, “A slice of heaven!”
Almost three year old OC said, “Nana in heaven!”
Then we had a family discussion on what being dead means.
OC piped up, “Nana talk to me.”
Our seven year old added, “She talks to me too!”
I asked them what does she say.
OC said, “Night night. From her house in heaven.”
Enough said.
Night night everyone. 
Each day my boys talk about their beloved Nana and share their sadness deeply and quickly. They are wonderful teachers on how to sit in your grief.
We have many reminders about mom.
Yesterday, we saw a bike that looked just like Nana’s.
Tonight, Jackson read the label on his quilt my mom made when he was two.
Today, we rested on our Nana Cabana beside the pool.
At lunch, we ate Nana jam. 
Lovingly handmade last year in July, while mom was in pain but we still had no idea what was coming. Careful labelled and left for us to enjoy.
Perfect with homemade spelt baking powder biscuits. OC was my helper.
Beautiful memories.
Delicious jam.
Great gifts.
Pure love.
Heartfelt joy.
Pure sadness.
Sweet strawberry jam.
Thanks mom!
I love you!
As I sell Green Tea Hawaii in ECity, Sexy Neck is at home with our wee boys. 
This is the first time in five years (since CC was born!) that I have done any type of paid work and the first time I have ever sold any product in my life. I am completely out of my comfort zone, humbled, confused at people’s purchasing choices and having a great time. I have met incredible people.
A Tibetan monk who is giving insight into the health of the Green Tea Hawaii owner.
A wonderful woman selling deep sea lotions and body scrubs.
A mom selling tights for her daughter’s new company.
Kind.
Authentic.
People.
Try to sell their wares.
Thirty year veterans of the fair.
Newbies like me!
Sexy Neck, my trophy husband, has been holding down the home front.
Here is the text I got about their day today:
Tried to get haircuts,
costco,
ate cones,
built a pulley system for the fort, worked a wee bit on the side yard, cleaned blown done branches,
swam,
couple movies,
dinner,
magic show, books,
power outage…
I wonder if all these wonderful activities caused the power to go out?
Doesn’t that sound like a fun day?
Side note: Praying for safety for everyone fighting the forest fires to the west of our city.
The days are sometimes long but the years are very short.
Five years ago, CC was born. This athletic, witty, smart, wondrous boy came into our family in the water on a Thursday just before lunch.
Today, full of gratitude for life, we celebrate five years with CC. He gets to choose what we eat: waffles, then Japanese food for lunch and frittata for dinner. Plus a birthday cake with vanilla icing. Decorated with a few surprises on top!
The planning started many weeks before. Here is our oldest and Sexy Neck creating a bed for CC’s teddy bear from scrap wood:
Sexy Neck created another masterpiece:
It was a water-filled birthday!
Who knew what these last twelve months would bring?
Surprise after surprise, both wonderful and heartbreaking.
My self-assessment twelve months ago would have used the descriptors: mom, wife, daughter, previous jock, teacher-on-leave, Vtown girl…
I no longer live in Vtown, nor think of myself as a teacher, neither do I have a living mother anymore… The fact that I am painting makes me lie of the floor.
I was introduced to watercolour painting by Herta at this retreat. Sexy Neck bought me a set of paints for my birthday in a month later.
My heart is full of gratitude for having the luxury to play with colour on beautiful watercolour paper. My boys love it and always join me. We paint quietly together often talking about cool new colour creation or telling each other what we can see.
Creative.
Peace.
Soul care.
Colourful.
Uplifting.
Unexplainable.
A pure gift from God.
Beyond anything I ‘thought’ I could do.
Have you lived beyond your expectations today?
Two year old OC:
Almost Five year old CC
Seven year old JC’s paintings including a hairless one of me.
My paintings from my soul, feelings and things I see in God’s creation.
Expectations.
Chains or freedom.
Choosing freedom.
Living in the beyond.
Painting.
Playing.
Expressing.
Me!
Our wee one fell asleep during book time tonight. It was only 6:45pm. Sleep well dear soul!
Folks… How did I write 500 posts? Here is my 150th post! I wrote it almost a year ago. So, if I do the math correctly, in the last 365 days (which equals one year), I have written just shy of one post per day. Sexy Neck, am I right? Is this possible?
As I sit and write this five hundred and first post, where am I?
I am at the beginning.
The start.
Fresh.
New.
Beginning.
Each day I fully embrace. I feel more alive with deep emotion than I have ever felt.
Life is not about living in Disneyland, but enjoying those Disneyland moment. The exciting rides, the yummy sweet food, the cleanliness and friendly people.
Life is not about running from sadness, grief and hard times, but sitting in it. Living through it. Feeling deeply. The tears, the anguish, the copious amounts of laundry and people who will never make sense.
Life is about a beautiful woven quilt like my mom used to make. The light and dark fabrics making a beautiful pattern.
Life is about forgiving and starting fresh each day. The sun and the moon providing guideposts to help us do this.
Life is about surrounding myself with healthy people who may not understand me but honour me for who I am. People make a difference in my life, both positively and detrimentally. I am a relationship person. They are important to me.
Life is about being positive and focusing on my strengths. I could ‘work on’ all my negative attributes for the rest of my life and not move one mile, but I can continue to concentrate on my gifts and talents and hit the stars. Don’t we all find it easy to do what we love? Imagine if we chose to live this way each day?
Life is about beginnings. Learning to paddle board at sixty-seven years old. Going on a Tour de France Training Camp in Mallorca at age seventy. Being the very best Nana, mom, wife, aunt, sister and friend each day.
Thank you mom for teaching me about beginnings… And for being my guide through the ultimate of beginnings here on earth as a human being, death.
And now I ponder my own beginnings: starting a business, going back to school, new stages with my boys, fitness, health, volunteering, new activities, new friends and new starts with old ones.
Anticipation.
Excitement.
Pondering.
New.
Beginnings.
Kitchen Renovation anyone? Just say No!
I had no idea why kitchens cost so much to renovate.
My family (including my mom and dad last July) has put so much sweat equity into this kitchen it should be worth $100,000. We spent less than $5000, new-to-us appliances included.
Here is our work at this humbling progress. From brown wood and lino floors to white walls, avocado cupboards and engineered hardwood.
We found a guy who makes laminate countertops in his garage. Perfect!
Our amazing contractor installed the wood floors, a new door and my parents put their skill into painting the cupboards.
We bought a secondhand Bosch dishwasher for $200 and splurged on a new faucet, fridge, stove and hardware.
Here is what we started with:
1960’s kitchen with ‘newer’ appliances.
First week: Paint June 23, 2013
Week Two: Laminate Countertop July, 2013
Week Three: Engineered Hardwood floors and copious amounts of coats of paint. I think it was FIVE coats of paint to be exact. July, 2013
Week Four and throughout the NEXT YEAR!: Final paint and new hardware. Viola c’est fini! June 15, 2014!
This kitchen is inspired by this photo from houzz.com and our designer friends Robyn and Angela.
Many, many hours of painting by Steve, my mom and dad made this $5000 transformation possible. It was a labour of love.
Let’s review–
BEFORE:
TODAY:
With God all things are possible.
With Sexy Neck’s ideas and vision a smokey house became a home.
With my parents labour of love, our roots have grown deep.
With our boys love of fort building, creating and playing every corner of our home has been explored and filled.
With old and new friends stopping by laughter and memories have brought us home.
"Be" ENOUGH 