Category Archives: Jesus Christ
Be Epic (my 200th post)
Usually I look for these large moments to propel me forward. I have large emotions, lofty thoughts to go with my tall six foot frame and strong personality.
I have been mulling over my 200th post for awhile now as I knew it was coming soon. The purpose of this blog has always been to help me stay in the moment with my boys. Motherhood can be a tad bit overwhelming at times.
Today is the day for my 200th post and I have to say that we had a giant day today, maybe even epic as some people would describe.
It is the profoundness of the little things that describe epic to me.
Fourteen stairs.
Fourteen hurdles.
Fourteen opportunities for triumph. Fourteen steps I wondered if my mom would take fourteen days ago.
She did it!
Be epic today.
My mom is.
Be Surrounded By God At The Skateboard Park
Before I had my boys, I was never one to frequent the skateboard park.
As I stood at the park today, I realize I was afraid of them because they were an unknown entity. I had a lot of fears as I have gone through my life, but now with mom’s cancer diagnosis, time in the hospital and journey home, these fears are insignificant.
Today, I chose to take my boys to the skateboard park. And not only did I get to see my boys rip around the park in the rain, but God showed me His sovereign love.
God’s love was expressed through the boys freedom to try new things, the grace they give each other when something goes ‘wrong’, and the joy that flows through them as they zip around the park.
I don’t doubt that these words were put down in the bottom of the skateboard ramp were put there for me on this day. I also don’t doubt that the only way I can walk through these days is because of the prayers of the saints that walk this earth with me – thank you my saints!
“Faith. Hope. Love. You are loved!” Thanks for the reminder.
Be Learning Lessons From A Hospital Bed
Be present.
Be making a will.
Be asking people to pray for you.
Be honest.
Be talking about the hard things.
Be enjoying my mom’s breath.
Be letting go of expectations.
Be talking about God.
Be talking about death.
Be talking about poo.
Be real.
Be honest and say what you feel.
Be sitting.
Be listening to and learn from other people’s cancer stories.
Be loving.
Be open to any help you can get.
Be humble and gracious.
Be watching for where God is working.
Be eating even if you aren’t hungry.
Be having a good old cry.
Be asking for a hug and let the other person hold you up.
Be letting God hold you in the palm on His hand.
Be full of faith and trust.
Be Resting
Mom is resting today after her first 4 1/2 hour chemotherapy session.
The painkillers and anti-nausea medications are being injected at regular intervals.
I feel fortunate to be here to help mom put her swollen feet into her sandals, rub cream on her itchy back, checkout the hospital food before she looks at it and be here resting in her presence.
Be Rooted
My mom has had her pain and nausea under control for the last two days.
On Friday, she was moved into a private room on the women’s and children’s floor in the new hospital tower. It like a hotel compared to the hell hole she was in before. (Sorry I have racked my brain and I can’t think of another descriptor for her four person room in an incredibly busy ward.)
I am starting to move out of flight and fright status or “game face” as my sister and I call it. I feel my body relaxing. I am feeling my body again. Man I am hungry.
The exceptional nurses on this floor have everything under control. Our amazing angel Dr. Daniels has been checking on mom. Yesterday she visited three times.
Dr. Daniels talking with mom and dad this morning.
Moms blood clot in her lung is dissolving, her bowels are moving and she even walked down the hall today.
My boys feel loved surrounded by all their cousins, aunts and uncles even though their mama is at the hospital many hours and is a tad bit distracted and teary.
God is good.
But none of this makes sense.
We continue to live in shades of grey, but I continue to reach down into the roots God has established for me in His word and with my family and friends.
” And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”
Bring on the chemo.
May we all know the fullness of God and just how wide, long, deep and high Christ’s love is.
Be Bawling Your Eyes Out
I hate hospitals!
I love my mom sooo much!
Extremely grateful for my dad and my sister here. We are a great diverse team.
Encouraged by my hubbies support for me and love of our boys.
Lifted up by my prayer pillars all over the world.
God help us!
That’s it that’s all!
Be Questioning Cancer
Cancer, I have a few questions for you that I want to ask you:
Why can’t the doctors find your origin?
Why are you wreaking havoc on my mom’s body?
The bloating. Pain. Discomfort. Hardness in her belly. The new aches and pains. The sleeplessness. Pain.
I am mad! If only they could find the origin they could then treat the cancer. Did you know that if you have cancer that began in the uterus that is also in the lung that the cancer in your lung is not lung cancer? Nope that cancer in there would be uterine cancer cells.
These are the little tidbits that I am finding out as we wait and wait and wait to find out where this cancer started. It is only when we know where it begun that treatment can begin.
Now what am I taking from all this? My life has become very small. My husband, my boys, my parents and a few very close friends.
Sorry new neighbours I will have to get to know you when this is all over. Sorry friends on the fringe, you fell off my rattley old turnip truck. Sorry relatives that I infrequently talk to, you too will have to wait.
What else can I take from this, every day is important! I love sitting by my mom in her bed while she rests. I love seeing my boys there too! I love hearing her laugh and man do I love to tease her. Every moment is special. Every moment has meaning. Every breath has hope. With God anything is possible.
May The Lord bless and keep my mama in this time of pain.
"Be" ENOUGH 