Monthly Archives: December 2014

Family, God, Jesus Christ

Be a “Messy” Christian

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Messy.

Yup, that describes me.

I ain’t no one hour sitcom that figures it all out.

I don’t live in a magazine showhome.

Nope, not me.

Today, I bawled my eyes out twice talking to my friend in Germany and my cousin in PG.

Yup, crocodile tears rolling down my face.

Yup, that’s me.

I am the kind of girl that sometimes doesn’t even comb her hair.

And sometimes I even wear the same clothes TWO DAYS IN A ROW!

Had to admit it.

I don’t set aside specific “quiet” time to pray.

Not a lot of quiet time to be had.

This is what my morning quiet time looks like:

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(Insert three wee boys at the end of the table running around, yelling eating breakfast.)

I do talk with our God throughout my day.

Please Lord, help me keep these boys alive!

I don’t attend church every weekend.

But I do worship and show gratitude to our Lord every day.

No, I am definitely not a nice and tidy Christian attending church every weekend, tithing my ten percent with my perfect “everything is just fine and dandy” smile on my face.

I am one “messy” believer in the Maker of the Universe, glory that God came for the imperfect, the ones that don’t have it all together, messy people like me!

Beautiful to know that God came as a baby, Jesus, and that we get to celebrate his birth next week!

And he was born in a stable.

Now if that ain’t messy, I don’t know what is!

Glory for imperfection.

Tears.

Love.

Life.

Friendship.

Fellowship.

Togetherness.

Celebrating.

My messy life.

With a beautiful birth.

Jesus.

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Be Looking for Light

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As we embark on the longest day of the year in this hemisphere, I seek light.

Lighting our nightly advent candles.

Turning on lights as soon as the sun sits on the horizon.

Looking into people’s eyes for light as I walk by them.

Watching children’s light-filled ways.

Tonight, we went on an evening adventure seeking Christmas lights.

Pajama clad boys.

Ice cream in hand.

Seeking light.

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And look what this little light made at school today:

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And this afternoon, I had a teary talk with my “light-filled” cousin who walked with us last Christmas.

Seeking light.

Looking hard.

Learning in.

Reaching out.

Walking.

One.

Breathe.

At.

A.

Time.

Just being.

Not really enough.

Boys, Family

Be Hitting the Slopes

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Eight years since Sexy Neck and I have skied together downhill… and yesterday we skied together for the first time as a family of five.

Amazing to stop and reflect on the past eight years.

Incredible to hear the stories of when Nana skied with Sexy Neck and JC two Christmases ago.

Awesome to feel the swoosh under my skis.

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We still are planning on doing some nordic skiing with the boys.

Here they are getting ready:

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Be Walking in Your Own Footprints

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Since being a chubby, hockey hairdo grade eight girl, I have loved the poem Footprints in the Sand.

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I loved the idea of a God that was willing to walk with me and then carry me during the hard times.  I first read this poem before I knew God personally.  The God who knit me in my Mama’s belly.  The God who knows each of the dyed hairs on my head.  The God who walks with me each and every day, often carrying me as I need.  Now I know Him…

As my bike sits in the garage during this icy, wintery weather, my feet have become my method of walking through my grief. As often as I can, I walk.

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I think of what Jesus walked through.

I walk one step at a time.

I release my pain.

Into His hands.

This journey is often solitary for a reason.

I know that no person, no amount of food or yummy Bailey’s with eggnog will take away my pain.

I choose every day to walk in it and through it.

With my incredible friends and family at my side and God carrying me when I need it.

Living.

Letting Go.

Loving.

Grieving.

Life to its fullest!

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cancer, Christianity, Grief

Be Running Two Programs

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My computer has been getting awfully slow.

Painfully.

Mindnumbing.

Slow.

I sit and wait and then I realized that there was another program running behind the program that I was trying to use.

So very frustrating.

But I sit.

I slow down.

I ponder.

HEY!!!!! 

This is exactly how I feel right now.

I am running two programs.

The first program I will call, “Daily Life”.

Making lunches.

Taking the boys here and there.

Saying hello to people in the drop-off at school.

Attending Christmas concerts.

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Answering emails from friends.

Baking cookies.

Doing my work as a teacher.

Living “Daily Life”.

As Christmas approaches and the one year anniversary of the death of my beautiful Mama, I have a second program that is starting to take up more and more space in my body, soul and mind as I try to run the program “Daily Life”.

This program called “Grief” is similar to when mom first died.

It is painful.

Mindnumbing.

It is slowing me down.

I am remembering things from last year that I hadn’t before.

Conversations.

People visiting the hospital and hospice house.

I am feeling things deeply.

I am letting this “Grief” program do its thing.

As this background program runs it makes the “Daily Life” program slower, yet more meaningful.

I sit more.

I watch.

I ponder.

I have more patience.

I am kinder.

More loving.

I savour sunsets.

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I am in awe more and teary more often.

Everything tastes better.

I feel things in “Daily Life” more deeply.

My life is rich with these two programs running.

Yes, I am tired.

But, I am living deeply.

Leaning into my Lord.

My Dada God.

My Personal Saviour.

He is my rock.

The ultimate Programmer who will bring purpose to my pain.

Meaning to my mess.

Wholeness to my broken heart.

He will redeem this hole that was created when my Mama went to heaven.

I love her deeply.

I miss her dearly.

I am blessed.

I am whole with my hole and my two programs running.

Thank you “Daily Life” and “Grief”.

What programs are you running today?

Boys, christmas, Grief

Be Three Turtles by a Tree

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Life is very simple around our house these days.

Little to no shopping.

Simple meals.

Family time.

Outside play.

Inside creativity.

Sexy Neck is very busy work. The boys have many ‘special’ events at school. I continue to row my boat of grief, remembering last December’s hospital and hospice journey with my mom and her leaving this earth on Boxing Day.

We are weary and tired!

Today, on this eleventh day of December, we had three turtle doves by our tree…

I wonder when the partridge will show up in her pear tree? Who wrote the twelves day of Christmas and how did turtles get involved? I bet that children in Tupperware bins inspired the song. (And maybe a bottle of wine?)

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Simple days.

Family time.

Creative boys.

Laughter.

Inspired by a song.

And Tupperware bins.

May we all enjoy the little moments this Christmas season. Life’s BEST times are a series of little moments treasured as gifts.

What a gift we were given this evening to watch our three turtle doves!

Family, Grief, writing

Be the Power of One

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One word.

One email.

One step.

One blog comment.

One moment.

I am touched in this season by the power of the people around me.

The thoughtfulness of the people around me.

The consistent encouraging comments by Levi on my blog showing me God’s love.

The great communication from friends from afar helping me feel connected.

The cookies dropped off at my door helped feed my brood of boys a special snack.

The incredible emails I have received which move me spiritually and encourage me greatly.

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Below is just one example from my friend, ‘Shell’.

Here are her words:

This morning I awoke to read your blog
Needing to connect amidst the fog

Thanks for sharing your journey of grief
The sea of emotion beyond belief

What have I learned since from you, dear friend?
That your Mama loved you unconditional… right to the end

What a treasure she is and heaven’s now richer
Though I wonder why God doesn’t explain that when we turn to scripture

Please know, dear friend, that I care for deep
And this morning I read your blog and began to weep

Thank you for sharing and remaining transparent
About life, love and being a parent

Have you ever read such beautiful, resonating, encouraging words?

Can you be someone’s power of one today?

Will you see the work of One Great God in your own life?

I am a walking testimony to God’s great goodness and love. I am a testimony to the power of the people whom God surrounds us with when we are most vulnerable and humbled.

God, Grief

Be an Across the Street Neighbour

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I am walking upright.

In my comfy clothes.

Intentional about what I do.

Who’s paths I cross.

How much time I spend running around is limited.

I am quiet inside.

My grief is fatiguing.

Day after day, tears flow easily.

The depth of deep loss.

The beauty of great love.

Today, unexpectantly, I was ‘touched’ by two neighbours: L and J from Vtown and ‘Kind K’ from our new hood.

After school, I took the boys skating to the outdoor rink by the lake. It was
more like skate/swimming as it was ten degrees out. We had a great time. We were amazed when we saw these two faces stroll by:

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Across the street neighbours.

Card sharks.

Wine lovers.

Great friends.

Dearly missed neighbours.

After skating, I walked in our front door and immediately heard a knock on the door behind me. It was our new neighbour from across the street. She brought me these:

IMG_7340.JPGShe lost her mom to cancer two years ago and she just wanted me to know she was thinking about us as we head into this Christmas season.

The power of neighbours.

The power of thought.

The power of being.

Being a neighbour, there is nothing like it!

I am grateful.

I am humbled.

I am hopeful.