Category Archives: Christianity

Boys, cancer, Christianity, Family, Jesus Christ

Be Living In Birth and Death

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Every day, I now live in birth and death.

Birth of a new day every day, death of my old ways that don’t serve me anymore.

Birth of a new relationship with my parents, especially my mom and death of a past that I desperately want back.

Birth of trying new things, death of letting old things go.

Birth of a freer life and death of old fears that held me back.

Birth of new patterns, death to the same old path.

Birth of new fresh, real relationships, death of relationships that are no longer anything.

Birth to a new big, bustling city, death of a small town that we lived in for almost thirteen years.

Birth of living in the moment, death to planning and expectations.

Birth to new challenges and opportunities every day, death to a stake, fence-sitting life.

God says that there is a season for everything.

◄ Ecclesiastes 3 ►
New International Version
A Time for Everything

“1There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.”

I am looking forward to a new season soon, hopefully next spring.

What do you think God?

Boys, cancer, Christianity, Family, Jesus Christ

Be Seeing God’s Hand.

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In the depth of despair, the busyness of my mind and body I carried throughout my previous days have been stripped away.

The fog that covered my eyes has been lifted, I guess anguish will do that for you.

Gently, I see God tapping me and the people around me on their shoulders, asking, “Do you see me at work?” Interesting on the first day of school, I saw a women carrying this book that I was given while my mom was in the hospital.

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Also on the first day of school, I walked into the schoolyard with our realtor who helped us buy our house as well I saw an old childhood friend, Marie.

Lovingly, I see angels surrounding my parents with love and security, protection from illness and familiar faces.

Amazingly, I sense God’s healing presence in my relationship with many people. Showing me what stuff I need to deal with in my own life and the other stuff that isn’t mine. Oh I have stuff! I need to stay out of other people’s business with God. Get out of the way so that God can do His work.

Gratefully, Jesus loves us all without comparison. We all fall short when compared to God’s glory but Jesus came to be a bridge for us all to know God’s love, forgiveness and grace.

In the depth of sadness, I see God’s hand in action touching me and those around me.

Thank you God for helping walk through my anguish.

Boys, Christianity, Family, Goals, Jesus Christ

Be Epic (my 200th post)

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Usually I look for these large moments to propel me forward. I have large emotions, lofty thoughts to go with my tall six foot frame and strong personality.

I have been mulling over my 200th post for awhile now as I knew it was coming soon. The purpose of this blog has always been to help me stay in the moment with my boys. Motherhood can be a tad bit overwhelming at times.

Today is the day for my 200th post and I have to say that we had a giant day today, maybe even epic as some people would describe.

It is the profoundness of the little things that describe epic to me.

Fourteen stairs.
Fourteen hurdles.
Fourteen opportunities for triumph. Fourteen steps I wondered if my mom would take fourteen days ago.

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She did it!

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Be epic today.

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My mom is.

cancer, Christianity, Family, Jesus Christ

Be Learning Lessons From A Hospital Bed

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Be present.

Be making a will.

Be asking people to pray for you.

Be honest.

Be talking about the hard things.

Be enjoying my mom’s breath.

Be letting go of expectations.

Be talking about God.

Be talking about death.

Be talking about poo.

Be real.

Be honest and say what you feel.

Be sitting.

Be listening to and learn from other people’s cancer stories.

Be loving.

Be open to any help you can get.

Be humble and gracious.

Be watching for where God is working.

Be eating even if you aren’t hungry.

Be having a good old cry.

Be asking for a hug and let the other person hold you up.

Be letting God hold you in the palm on His hand.

Be full of faith and trust.

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Christianity, Family, Jesus Christ, Parenting

Be Not Knowing

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Hmpppff, we are two months and ten days into a six week renovation project.  We bought a “smokers” house.  Here and here are the sordid details.   It has been a difficult process for me.  More of the groaning and moaning here.  But nothing compares to the constant not knowing of the “mass” that lays in my mama’s abdomen.

Here’s my mom!

As we have been renovating, we have been living with my parents in their basement.  (No we don’t play video games!)

I have been completely baffled watching my mom in pain, on the couch or in her bed.

MY MOM RODE HER BIKE IN SPAIN IN APRIL WITH PEOPLE TRAINING FOR THE TOUR DE FRANCE!  MY MOM WAS RIDING 90KMS PER DAY.  MY MOM EVEN FELL OFF HER BIKE THREE TIMES!  HOW CAN THIS BE HAPPENING? Now my yelling will stop, sorry about that.

Anyways, the ebb and flow of my parents lives has changed into this every day living of “unknowing”.  Unknowing of whether my mom will get out of bed or will be able to fall asleep.  Not knowing what she will want to eat that day.  Unknowing of how to help or not to help depending on what she needs.   When to sit beside her and when to step aside.

I am living between two words right now, the one we are trying to create in our new home 60kms down the lake and my life here living with my parents and trying to support my mom and dad through their pain and grief.

Every day though, I have hope.  Hope knowing that God does know.  Hope knowing that He has placed people around me who can empathize, who really listen and hear what I am trying to convey.  I have hope that God wants to prosper us all, not by the words standards, but by His!

Glory to God alone.  It’s okay that I don’t know.  It is going to be very interesting to see how everything works out.

(This post has been percolating for awhile in my hamster wheel brain and I pray that it conveys the strength of my parents, the shock of this illness and the hope we place in God. )

Boys, Christianity, Family, Jesus Christ, Parenting

Be Knowing About Alcoholism

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Boys, come sit down on our virtual couch tonight, we need to have a heart-to-heart chat.   I am going to tell you something very serious, very heartfelt and very important.

(BUT first, a cute  photo of one of Nana and Papa’s many costumes.)

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Alcoholism is in our family, our blood and it is something you need to be aware of.  No, don’t be afraid of it, just be aware.

Alcohol, like any addiction, will steal your days away, create a barrier between you and your loved ones and will make you do things you never thought you would do. 

We have a loved one that “relapsed” the last few days.  They went on a drunken binge.  They hit their head, which caused a gash that will probably need stitches or glue.   We know that they feel shame, guilt, sadness and all the hopelessness in their world.  

Unfortunately boys, there is nothing we can do.  They need God’s help.  

Addictions are powerful.  I know because I battle my daily addictions to certain foods, reality TV, Facebook and I am sure a myriad of other small things I rely on for comfort when my emotional storm comes.  Every day I need to be open to relying on God and those He has placed around me.  

I feel strongly that anything that harms your close, authentic relationships may be an addiction.  Are you playing too many video games instead of talking to your friends?  Do you think about playing video games all the time?  Or how about when you start drinking alcohol, you drink too much too often? Do you hide your drinking?  Do you think about when you can get your next drink?  Has anyone close to you mentioned that you may be drinking too much? 

Boys, please know that you are not alone, if you do end up struggling with alcohol.  Yes, alcoholism is in our family.   BUT,  it can be overcome, just ask your Great Grandfather who has been sober for over thirty years.  

May God grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference.  (From the Serenity Prayer that hangs on our bedroom wall)

Boys, I pray this day and many more days, that you will never know the sadness of alcoholism like we know, that you will never know the worry about what will happen next to your loved one with alcoholism and that you will never know the deep sorrow of coming out of a drunken binge.

Christianity, Construction, Family, Jesus Christ

Be Loving People, Use Things

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I used to drive by this church every day.   The quotes they put on their front billboard always fascinate me.

This quote made me want to weep.

When I first saw this sign I felt incredibly sad.  I was in a place of feeling like a discarded  “thing”.  As we are moving, certain friends have fallen away.  See this blog.

Two weeks later, I saw this quote with new eyes.  It made me want to cry tears of joy.

God had placed me with an incredible group of Christian women in a boot camp/bible study ran by our good friend “Bam” of HappyFitMe.

These women gave me hope as they shared of themselves, their healing, their love of God and their struggles.  Jesus’ loved poured out of each of them every time we were together.  The words were honest.  The actions were truthful.  They gave everything they had in our workouts at the playground, on the field, in the gym and in the pool.  It was incredible.

And now as our family moves down the lake into our new house, I have hope.

Hope that God will prosper me.  Hope that God does have a plan for my life.  Hope that the friends He will surround me with will be like these boot camp women and all the women that have walked/ran with me during this very difficult transition.  Image