christmas, Family, Grief

Be Going on a Ski Vacation

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We had the great privilege to spend three days and two nights up at a ski resort.  Ski in/ski out, eat in/eat out, ride up/swoosh down, sunshine/snow.  It truly was a vacation for all of us, including Papa.

A break from routine.

A diversion from the upcoming one year anniversary of mom leaving us for heaven.

A snow-filled, sun-filled, winter-activity weekend.

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Our great friends, Baron Bob and Princess P came and visited us for the evening.  The boys went tubing with them for the first time and even go to try the mini-snowmobiles (one day later, once the worker could get them started!)

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Nordic skiing down the Bridal Path where we saw snowmobiles, horse-drawn carriages and a few other skiers. IMG_7661[1]

Playing some hockey on the pond with Papa.  Everyone got into the action this year!

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Tubing… three year old OC looked a little small for the tube, but he was allowed.

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The boys were very, very excited to go on the mini-snowmobiles.  JC ran into a snow fence, CC managed to zip around him and come back around the loop.

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It was a wonderful pre-Christmas vacation!

May the Lord hold you close this Christmas where ever you are physically and within yourself.

What a wonderful season it is to celebrate Jesus’s birthday.  

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Be Remembering One Year Ago

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It wasn’t lost on any of us that we drove through Vtown at the exact hour one year to the day when mom moved from the hospital to hospice house. This was another one of those coincidences, or was it?

CC remembered that Nana was riding with me in a green ambulance.

Sexy Neck reminded us that when arrived at hospice house and Mom wheeled out the back of the ambulance, she waved at Papa and the boys waiting at the front entrance.

I remembered that as Mama was wheeled out of the ambulance, snow was falling onto her beautiful face.  It was a magical moment for mom and I as we looked at each other.

I remember the anticipation of my cousin’s arrival from Spain and PG as well as my sister and family arriving from a holiday in Australia.

I remember being so happy because mom really wanted to go to hospice.

On this day as the snow fell down on my face and the clouds held me close and brought me comfort.  IMG_7565[1]

I felt great gratitude for what unfolded one year ago.  It was not an easy journey in the hospital, but hospice house helped us send mom into eternity without pain and with all of us being able to surround her.

Family, God, Jesus Christ

Be a “Messy” Christian

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Messy.

Yup, that describes me.

I ain’t no one hour sitcom that figures it all out.

I don’t live in a magazine showhome.

Nope, not me.

Today, I bawled my eyes out twice talking to my friend in Germany and my cousin in PG.

Yup, crocodile tears rolling down my face.

Yup, that’s me.

I am the kind of girl that sometimes doesn’t even comb her hair.

And sometimes I even wear the same clothes TWO DAYS IN A ROW!

Had to admit it.

I don’t set aside specific “quiet” time to pray.

Not a lot of quiet time to be had.

This is what my morning quiet time looks like:

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(Insert three wee boys at the end of the table running around, yelling eating breakfast.)

I do talk with our God throughout my day.

Please Lord, help me keep these boys alive!

I don’t attend church every weekend.

But I do worship and show gratitude to our Lord every day.

No, I am definitely not a nice and tidy Christian attending church every weekend, tithing my ten percent with my perfect “everything is just fine and dandy” smile on my face.

I am one “messy” believer in the Maker of the Universe, glory that God came for the imperfect, the ones that don’t have it all together, messy people like me!

Beautiful to know that God came as a baby, Jesus, and that we get to celebrate his birth next week!

And he was born in a stable.

Now if that ain’t messy, I don’t know what is!

Glory for imperfection.

Tears.

Love.

Life.

Friendship.

Fellowship.

Togetherness.

Celebrating.

My messy life.

With a beautiful birth.

Jesus.

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Be Looking for Light

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As we embark on the longest day of the year in this hemisphere, I seek light.

Lighting our nightly advent candles.

Turning on lights as soon as the sun sits on the horizon.

Looking into people’s eyes for light as I walk by them.

Watching children’s light-filled ways.

Tonight, we went on an evening adventure seeking Christmas lights.

Pajama clad boys.

Ice cream in hand.

Seeking light.

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And look what this little light made at school today:

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And this afternoon, I had a teary talk with my “light-filled” cousin who walked with us last Christmas.

Seeking light.

Looking hard.

Learning in.

Reaching out.

Walking.

One.

Breathe.

At.

A.

Time.

Just being.

Not really enough.

Boys, Family

Be Hitting the Slopes

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Eight years since Sexy Neck and I have skied together downhill… and yesterday we skied together for the first time as a family of five.

Amazing to stop and reflect on the past eight years.

Incredible to hear the stories of when Nana skied with Sexy Neck and JC two Christmases ago.

Awesome to feel the swoosh under my skis.

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We still are planning on doing some nordic skiing with the boys.

Here they are getting ready:

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Be Walking in Your Own Footprints

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Since being a chubby, hockey hairdo grade eight girl, I have loved the poem Footprints in the Sand.

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I loved the idea of a God that was willing to walk with me and then carry me during the hard times.  I first read this poem before I knew God personally.  The God who knit me in my Mama’s belly.  The God who knows each of the dyed hairs on my head.  The God who walks with me each and every day, often carrying me as I need.  Now I know Him…

As my bike sits in the garage during this icy, wintery weather, my feet have become my method of walking through my grief. As often as I can, I walk.

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I think of what Jesus walked through.

I walk one step at a time.

I release my pain.

Into His hands.

This journey is often solitary for a reason.

I know that no person, no amount of food or yummy Bailey’s with eggnog will take away my pain.

I choose every day to walk in it and through it.

With my incredible friends and family at my side and God carrying me when I need it.

Living.

Letting Go.

Loving.

Grieving.

Life to its fullest!

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cancer, Christianity, Grief

Be Running Two Programs

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My computer has been getting awfully slow.

Painfully.

Mindnumbing.

Slow.

I sit and wait and then I realized that there was another program running behind the program that I was trying to use.

So very frustrating.

But I sit.

I slow down.

I ponder.

HEY!!!!! 

This is exactly how I feel right now.

I am running two programs.

The first program I will call, “Daily Life”.

Making lunches.

Taking the boys here and there.

Saying hello to people in the drop-off at school.

Attending Christmas concerts.

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Answering emails from friends.

Baking cookies.

Doing my work as a teacher.

Living “Daily Life”.

As Christmas approaches and the one year anniversary of the death of my beautiful Mama, I have a second program that is starting to take up more and more space in my body, soul and mind as I try to run the program “Daily Life”.

This program called “Grief” is similar to when mom first died.

It is painful.

Mindnumbing.

It is slowing me down.

I am remembering things from last year that I hadn’t before.

Conversations.

People visiting the hospital and hospice house.

I am feeling things deeply.

I am letting this “Grief” program do its thing.

As this background program runs it makes the “Daily Life” program slower, yet more meaningful.

I sit more.

I watch.

I ponder.

I have more patience.

I am kinder.

More loving.

I savour sunsets.

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I am in awe more and teary more often.

Everything tastes better.

I feel things in “Daily Life” more deeply.

My life is rich with these two programs running.

Yes, I am tired.

But, I am living deeply.

Leaning into my Lord.

My Dada God.

My Personal Saviour.

He is my rock.

The ultimate Programmer who will bring purpose to my pain.

Meaning to my mess.

Wholeness to my broken heart.

He will redeem this hole that was created when my Mama went to heaven.

I love her deeply.

I miss her dearly.

I am blessed.

I am whole with my hole and my two programs running.

Thank you “Daily Life” and “Grief”.

What programs are you running today?

Boys, christmas, Grief

Be Three Turtles by a Tree

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Life is very simple around our house these days.

Little to no shopping.

Simple meals.

Family time.

Outside play.

Inside creativity.

Sexy Neck is very busy work. The boys have many ‘special’ events at school. I continue to row my boat of grief, remembering last December’s hospital and hospice journey with my mom and her leaving this earth on Boxing Day.

We are weary and tired!

Today, on this eleventh day of December, we had three turtle doves by our tree…

I wonder when the partridge will show up in her pear tree? Who wrote the twelves day of Christmas and how did turtles get involved? I bet that children in Tupperware bins inspired the song. (And maybe a bottle of wine?)

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Simple days.

Family time.

Creative boys.

Laughter.

Inspired by a song.

And Tupperware bins.

May we all enjoy the little moments this Christmas season. Life’s BEST times are a series of little moments treasured as gifts.

What a gift we were given this evening to watch our three turtle doves!

"Be a human BEING, not a human doing!"