Tag Archives: musings

Be Celebrating Eight

April 19, 2015 Be Enough 1 Comment

The snowman birthday – eight.

We celebrated our oldest’s birth day a few weeks ago as a family. JC joined me on an early morning bike ride. We ate our son’s foods of choice. We went swimming and opened gifts.

I am so grateful to be this eight years olds mom.

It is pure joy to see his sensitive heart that he wears on his shoulders.

It is profound to watch my first born forge his own path with no one ‘ahead’ of him.

It is amazing to watch him develop and grow.

Happy snowman birthday.

Boys, Family, Parenting

Be Taking the Plunge in April

April 19, 2015 Be Enough 5 Comments

God, Jesus Christ

Be Having a Gas Pump Epiphany

April 1, 2015 Be Enough Leave a comment

I am standing at the gas pump.

Minding my own business.

Just hanging out.

Chilling.

Watching the numbers go up and up and up and…

Wham!

Epiphany time!

Yup, that’s how it rolls for me right now.

I realized that as the gas filled my tank that I had FAITH that this was gas pouring into my car. I had FAITH that this was gas not some other liquid. I TRUSTED the gas station. I had FAITH that once my car was filled with this smelly, unseen liquid that my car would then convert it so that I could drive. I TRUSTED the gas station and the drivers that brought the gas to the station AND I even trusted the people that put it in the tankers in the first place! I TRUST and have FAITH that this whole process will work, even though I don’t UNDERSTAND even how my car works and why can’t I just put vegetable oil into my car?

That is whole bunch of TRUST and FAITH in one simple act.

Gas.

Powerful.

Energy producing.

Faith.

Trust.

Understanding?

This time at the pump made me ponder my relationship with God. I didn’t come to know God until university, until the age that I truly began to ponder life for myself, outside the safety of the house my parent’s created. I came to seek this relationship on the university grounds. I came to know this very personal God in my bedroom, in my childhood home. I asked Him to show Himself to me.

He did.

Personally.

On my own.

He is my light.

My force.

He is my God, Saviour, Father…

Since then, every day I have FAITH that God will be with me and help me. I have TRUST that He will work everything out for His good even when I don’t UNDERSTAND.

No longer do I seek to understand many things that I know I never will, but I TRUST and have FAITH.

This is enough.

What will you put your FAITH and TRUST in today?

Family, God

Be Living with a Surplus

March 1, 2015 Be Enough 1 Comment

My previous post was me flat on my face again. I didn’t know why but the waves hit me hard and fast after my grandma’s death and subsequent interactions with others.

But the ‘hard’ things don’t push
me down for long anymore and I am grateful for the tremendous amount I am learning about myself.

I am also VERY grateful to those who walk with me, with their honest perspective, throughout these times. You know who YOU are my messengers, phone callers and texters from the last week.

As I reflect on the last few weeks, I realized it has been weeks of me being inundated by people who choose to live their lives from the perspective of a ‘deficit’.

Nothing is good enough.

No one can say the right thing, including me.

Even though they live in a first world country they are never ‘rich’ enough.

Everyone is either taking advantage of them or ripping them off.

But I am now stepping aside from these folks living with deficits because I know this doesn’t work for my life.

Time is precious.

Days are short.

Houses and money will come and go.

Time, I ain’t getting back.

The gift my mom (and dad) have always given me is living a life of surplus.

We had enough, even when my dad started his own business and the money wasn’t flowing. My parents were frugal and saved, and also generous and grateful.

They always donated their money and helped people out financially. They didn’t wait until such and such happened, they just did it.

Mom volunteered her time, was the family organizer and poured into all her relationships.

She had enough.

She was enough.

I need to remember I can ‘be enough’, but definitely NOT to everyone.

Seek those living in surplus.

See what you can accomplish together.

Give freely.

Be enough.

Hugs from the hill:

Boys, Family, Parenting

Be the Power of a Penny

December 23, 2014 Be Enough Leave a comment

This blog post was started in the summertime as I was playing a “healthy living” game with my friend Penny and an old neighbour and her friend T. I had to add to the post after our ski vacation a few days ago… and finally introduce you to one wonderful human being and friend. Formally know on my blog as Princess P and now just Penny.

Here is a photo of the people playing our summertime game: My teammate Penny and I on the right and our wonderful opponents on the left.

Here are my boys sharing some after dinner books at Auntie Penny’s house. My boys cherish the wonderful books she had for her own children. We love going over to their house for dinner!

Penny made a special point to celebrate our middle guy’s fifth birthday before she went on an European summer holiday. He was thrilled with the very special transformer and book she bought him.

And now while they were working hard to renovate their bathrooms and get ready for their own three wonderful children’s arrival, Penny and Bob came to spend a few wonderful hours with our family on the ski hill.

Penny knew my mom always made PJ’s for my boys at Christmastime and look what she got the boys:

One of the other gifts that my mom has always given me over the years is a knitted scarf and look what I pulled out of the Christmas bag from Penny:

A very lovely, hand-loving-made scarf!

The depth of gratitude I feel is incredible.

When you lose someone important in your life, there is a HUGE hole.

Forever.

The greater the love, the deeper the hole.

But others will lean in and close the gap.

The hole won’t pull you in and down.

People are holding me up right now in prayer and physical presence and “knowing”.

Penny has brought us such joy through these beautiful, thoughtful, handmade gifts.

These were very important to our family.

Healing through fabric.

My mom is gone, but never forgotten.

She lives on through all of us who “knew” her.

Generous.

Thoughtful.

Caring.

Kind.

Mom.

And now the power of a Penny!

Family, God

Be ‘Knowing’ You Are BELOVED.

November 2, 2014 Be Enough Leave a comment

Aren’t you, like me, hoping that some person, thing or event will come along to give you the final feeling of inner well-being you desire? Don’t you often hope: “May this book, idea, course, trip, job, country, or relationship fulfill my deepest desire.” But as long as you’re waiting for that mysterious moment you will go on running helter-skelter, always anxious and restless, always lustful and angry, never fully satisfied. You know that this is the compulsiveness that keeps us going and busy, but at the same time makes us wonder whether we are getting anywhere in the long run. This is the way to spiritual exhaustion and burned out. This is the way to spiritual death.

Well, you and I don’t have to kill ourselves. We are the Beloved. We are intimately loved long before her parents, teachers, spouses, children and friends loved or wounded us. That’s the truth of our lives. That’s the truth I want you to claim for yourself. That’s the truth spoken by the voice that says, “You are my Beloved.”

These beautiful words are from the book called ‘Life of the Beloved’ by Henri JM Nouwen. This is an author that my counselor recommended that I begin reading. His books have tremendously blessed me. And today my prayer for myself, my dear family, my friends and every person that reads these words today would know that they are God’s Beloved.

Uniquely created.

With individual DNA.

Distinct fingerprints.

Exclusive ancestry.

Chosen by God.

Yes.

You.

Me.

All creation shouts His name.

May this fall season encourage us all to see with our hearts, minds, bodies and spirits that we are uniquely His BELOVED.

Boys, God, Grief

Be Holding Tightly to Little Things

September 5, 2014 Be Enough Leave a comment

I sense a loosening of many expectations I used to have, a fraying rope.

My grip is also loosening on so many of the things in my own home as I watch my dad go ‘through’ mom’s things.

I am blessed as many of the fantastic clothes mom had fit me. A few of her shoes do too!

I must admit though, that I am holding very tightly to a few little ‘things’: This is the birthday announcement we put in the newspaper for mom’s 70th birthday on March 30th, 2013.

A grocery list from last November.

The Christmas present tag my mom wrote for me last Christmas. She was very ill before Christmas but she always had her shopping done early!

As I look at the three little pieces of paper I wonder why they are important. I realized it is because they represent the little things.

My mom was excellent because EVERY DAY she did the little things well. She remembered my boys favourite foods and books. She celebrated every little thing – birthdays, first day of school, thanksgiving, Easter, Christmas, plays, practices…. EVERYTHING! My mom always thought of us, how she could help or what she could pick up or when we could get together. Our lives were interwoven. She thought about holidays and how to include everyone. She planned and organized all the details. Mom would often surprise us with beautiful handmade placemats or table runners that she had been working on for months before they were meant to be used.

She was very present for all the little moments. Sometimes, I would walk in my laundry room and find our clean clothes folded. Often she would clean out our hand vac. She always took the dogs for a stroll, just because she liked to think of the little things.

Right now there are a lot of ‘big things’ going on around me that affect our family profoundly (teacher’s strike, mainly).

I am taking a page from my mom’s book of excellence and I am focusing on the little things.

cancer, Grief, writing

Be Going Under

August 4, 2014 Be Enough Leave a comment

The waves pour over me.

The grief is profoundly painful.

Tears flows readily.

One year ago, my mom went into the hospital in excruciating pain.

Seventeen days she spent there.

The first time!

Our family was forever changed.

The knots that held my life together were unravelled, split apart and thrown into the fire.

Relationships changed forever.

Expectations shifted.

Pain.

Anguish.

Out of control.

Life.

I will walk through my grief.

I will keep moving.

I know my strength, my weaknesses, my failings, my ways…

I will reach up towards the friends who love and accept me.

I will ride my bike.

I will give myself time and grace.

I will lie down when I need to.

I will not use food to soothe my soul.

I will not watch the news.

I will not put this on my boys.

I will not put my heart into a place where I could be wounded.

I will continue to deal with my stuff.

I will continue to loosen the rope, letting go of expectations.

I will cry.

I will seek God.

I will keep my eyes open for the light.

I will hold on as I go under.

S	M	T	W	T	F	S
				1	2	3
4	5	6	7	8	9	10
11	12	13	14	15	16	17
18	19	20	21	22	23	24
25	26	27	28	29	30	31

"Be" ENOUGH