Tag Archives: mom

Boys, cancer, Family

Be ‘Conquering’ Your Pain

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Today, I am pondering pain. We all got it somewhere, sometimes.

Today, I got me some pain watching my Mama in pain.

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Sitting beside mom in her ER hospital bed, looking at her scrunched up chin, hands that can’t relax and toes that need to dance now that is some pain.

Mom has been a warrior when it comes to pain management. She tries to take the minimal amount of medication with thoughtful purpose. She doesn’t want to take too much for too long! But even she sometimes can’t ‘conquer’ her pain. Sometimes we all need a little help!

Today, mom made the decision to travel in style via ambulance to get easily into the Emergency Room in Vtown. She said the ride was a bit bumpy lying in the back over those wheel wells. Then, she waited patiently for most of the day to hear that she would be admitted into the hospital. They have her pain managed intravenously and she is starting to relax in this noisy place. Whew!

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Sexy Neck sent me some interesting reading from the Mayo clinic while I was hanging out with Mama. It is great information about cancer patients and pain. Just a little light reading. 😉

This week, I read a quote in a book that went a little something like this:

We can sit in our pain now and notice it or we can deal with it later. But, we will have to deal with the pain sometime.

My other quote for today: “The well is deep, the scoop strong, and the grip even stronger. Holding on to holding on.”

Noticing.

Strength.

Sitting.

Deepness.

Conquering by being present.

Devastation.

Pain.

F*ck you cancer.

Apparently, I got me some anger today too!

Fifteenth Day of advent and I threw out an F-word.

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PS. M, if you are reading this. All the balls are still in the air. Costco shopping is still suspended. We got our peeps in line. Three week cycle unfolds on the weekend. Trying to contact the other M for pain plan. Having difficulty. Mom will be here a few days. Chemo may be postponed.

Family, Parenting

Be a “KCAM” Mommy

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It’s important to have some peeps no matter where you live. It is difficult to live in isolation, as I know.

I’m extremely grateful to these four women that I get to see on a regular basis at school pick-up and drop-off. I called them KCAM women because of their beginning initial and they also represent the piece in a wheel called a cam. A cam helps transforms rotary motion into linear motion.

These four kcam’s have helped me and encouraged me to keep moving forward into this new life in KCity instead of feeling like I am spinning in circles. Oh I would be spinning in circles without these four!

They have helped us find a church, a dry cleaner, a Christmas gift for the teacher, piano teacher and hockey program. They have jumped into trying Bikram yoga with me and told me about other fun things to do in the city.

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Let me introduce you to this fabulous women that God has allowed me to meet:

K – mom of boys
– kind and lovely person to see at preschool and elementary school pick-up/drop-off
– incredible with her boys and the children she nannies
– helped us find a church
– encouraging and real
– track star from down south

C – incredibly thoughtful and kind
– hospitable, has already invited us over for dinner twice and we plan to make it over there soon
– mom of boys
– open and encouraging
– athletic, fit, classy
– moved into a new house this summer too

A – an “old” friend from volleyball days
– someone I was delighted to become reconnected with again
– we moved into their hood (she grew up down the street from us and now lives behind us)
– dropped off a pizza dinner when we moved in (how sweet is that!)
– took me walking to show me around
– athletic, likes to be organized
– super outgoing and friendly

M – someone Sexy Neck (my hubby) met at parent orientation night. M and her husband blew him away with their kindness.
– fellow mom of three
– is a teacher on leave too
– just ‘gets it’
– loves being a stay at home mom
– athletic, fit styling and spends time outside

GOTCHA – this is one half of the KCAM
Mommies:

20131121-215513.jpgKind, lovely, encouraging, real, thoughtful, hospitable, enthusiastic, athletic, open, classy, organized, outgoing, friendly, kind, empathetic, styling, love being moms!

Yup, I would say I am pretty fortunate to be surrounded by four incredibly inspiring and well rounded women during this season of my life!

Boys, Family

Be Making Gingerbread Playdough

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A few years ago a friend gave us gingerbread playdough for Christmas. I must admit that we still have this playdough in our stash. It was a great gift. I absolutely love the smell of gingerbread and playing with the playdough makes the aroma spread around the room.

This year JC and I decided that we were going to make gingerbread playdough. I must admit, as an imperfect teacher and a mother, I have never made playdough. Shocking, I know.

I put all the dry ingredients into the pot. I was shocked again as I didn’t know you cooked playdough. We added in the water and the oil and began to stir. Playdough goes from this liquidy sticky dough into this chunky messy mixture and ends up being this beautiful smooth playdough. Who knew!

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Enjoy! Here is the recipe we used:

Ingredients

1 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup salt
2 tsp. cream of tartar
1 tbsp. ground cinnamon
2 tsp. ground ginger
1 tsp. ground nutmeg
1 tsp. ground cloves
2 tbsp. vegetable oil
1 cup water
1 tsp orange extract {optional}
Instructions

In a medium saucepan whisk together dry ingredients. Next mix in the water, oil, and orange extract and stir until a thick batter is formed. Cook the mixture over low/medium heat until a thick dough forms. Turn out onto parchment paper and knead until smooth. Makes about 2 cups of dough.

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I bought some Christmas takeout containers as well as some gingerbread men cookie cutters and viola gifts for the boys friends are done.

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Happy 2nd day of Advent. Christmas is coming. Enjoy each day.

cancer, Family

Be Rockin’ Chemo #4!

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My heart is singing? Can you hear? I definitely make a joyful noise.

Mom had her fourth chemotherapy session at the cancer clinic today. This is four of six and about four weeks after her surgery.

Mom was connected with the pain management specialist in Vtown today and she worked a miracle. (Before I carry on, did you know that most towns have one. You don’t need to live in pain when you are battling cancer!). Anyways, Miss Miller is a nurse as well as a cancer survivor. Today she swooped in like Mary Poppins with her suitcase full of pain and nausea prevention ideas. She said she has even more tricks in her bag if this first plan doesn’t work!

Oh but I think it already is. Here is mom and I hanging out tonight:

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Doesn’t my mama look great! She says tomorrow she wants me to shave her head. She is tired of having her hair all over her pillow. Yeah- she ain’t tired from being in pain.

Miracles occur every day!

Filled with gratitude. Filled with love from my bible study sisters Filled with hope.

Boys, cancer, Family

Be Driving In Between

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That drive between the new city and our old town is truly spectacular.

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the sun sets off to my side as I’m heading south.

i can see deep blue green lakes and mountains near and far.

the purple sky, blue skies, the red skies, orange skies.

the orchards, the trees, the snow on the mountaintops.

BUT my soul is filled with anguish as I leave my mom, as I drive back to my ‘new’ life.

BUT my heart is with my mama, my mama in pain, my mama lying, my mama sick and unable to live her life.

My mama My mama My mama.

Life is such a dichotomy – beauty is all around me in all of God’s creation. I am amazed by the nature that I see surrounding me as I drive.

BUT my heart aches, my heart is broken, tears fall, big huge crocodile tears fall down my cheeks

BUT I pray and I hope and I sit in my pain in the presence of God’s beautiful creation amidst the pain.

Mom was in so much pain today that she couldn’t be touched. All she could handle was a quick kiss on the cheek by the boys. I gave her a kiss on the forehead and it was like I could feel the pain emanating from your body.

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Peace Mama. Peace!

Boys, cancer, Family, Parenting

Be Bike Riding in -10 degrees Celsuis

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We’ve had a few hurdles to overcome lately! Do you get that impression?

One of our barriers to jump over has been our cars. More than once in the last few months, I have left my interior light on which has cause my battery to die. Just over a month ago, right before my mom’s surgery in Vancouver, my husband was in a car accident.

This morning we woke up with my husband’s car leaking fluid, probably related to the accident. He then was planning on taking my car, but my car had a dead battery! With stealth speed and a positive attitude, he managed to maneuver his car into position, jump my car and then get to work! Whew!

This left me to first bike ride JC to school, then down the other way to CC’s preschool and now back home. We will do everything in reverse in about an hour.

We did it all with a smile on our faces in the -10° weather.

Here are the boys ready to go:

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Here I am on the path to CC’s preschool. CC and OC are in the chariot bike trailer.

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All I could thing about as I rode was mom’s words as she walked out of the hospital yesterday and she breathed in the cool crisp air: “ahhhh, that feels good!” I agree Mom!

Boys, cancer, Family, Parenting

Be In the Light In The Darkness

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On Sunday night, I drove in tears to the hospital with the full moon as my guide. Even though I wanted desperately to see how my mom was doing, I stopped by the side of the road to admire the beautiful full moon.

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Today, I had the extreme privilege of driving mom home from the hospital in the beautiful full sun.

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It was an excruciating week, but one where God’s light was so evident.
– we ended up back on the Women’s and Children’s hospital ward. Mom knew all the nurses but one.
– Dr. Daniels is back on mom’s case as her gynocologist. She hasn’t gone on maternity leave yet so we are grateful.
– Mom finally got her diagnosis yesterday. It is stage 3 ovarian.
– my sister, M, was here for a visit on the weekend and was instrumental in getting mom to the hospital. She is a force! She was able to stay until late Monday night.
– Mom had a blood transfusion while she was in the hospital and is getting stronger.
– Mom’s pain is finally under control
– Mom does not have an infection from the surgery
– Mom is eating

As I reflect on these past four days, I am amazed at how I have seen God working. On Sunday morning, I felt God gave me a new word to explore. Can you guess the word? Light! We also started a new bedtime prayer (Genesis1:16)with the boys: God made two great lights–the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.

Do you see a theme? I love how God works. I am holding onto His light because this sure is a dark and painful time for my mama, my family and our friends.

Mom on Sunday:

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Mom today:

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Mom is suppose to have chemotherapy #4 on Monday. We will see what unfolds! In His hands we rest and wait.