Tag Archives: life

Falling Snow and Fluttering Butterflies

Crisp fresh fallen snow as I step outside.

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Dad has been by her side throughout.

He watched her last breaths.

Dad greets me at mom’s door.

There are beautiful butterflies on the door. (This is hospice’s symbol that the room is not to be disturbed).

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My big cousin by my side.

We step through the door.

Peace enfolds.

Mom is warm and quiet.

She is wearing a shirt with butterflies on it. (I think I need to lie down with all these symbols of snow and butterflies!)

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Her body is at rest.

Death has come to her body.

Thursday, December 26th, 2013 at 7:00am.

Kisses, kisses and more kisses.

I lay my head in her arm in disbelief.

In peace.

I lap up her presence.

I am enveloped by her love.

Tears slide down my cheeks.

My sister arrives.

We walk to the hospice living room.

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We light a butterfly light.

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Place mom’s special card on the mantle.

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M reads Psalm 23.

Dad talks about his sorrow and gratitude.

The boys arrive to an empty room.

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OC says. “Nana with God.”

A red rose is on the counter.

We say our goodbyes.

On the memory Christmas tree we write Nana’s name and we take an angel home for our tree.

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Then we lace up our skates and head out into the outdoors that Nana loved dearly.

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I love you mama!

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Be Going Inward

Transition.

Only a beautiful hi from mom this morning.

Down the path.

Moving forward.

Packed her bags.

Going Inward.

My Spirit sits with my mom.

I sit with my mom.

The scarf she knit around my neck.

My tear catcher and prayer shawl.

My Sexy Neck, my boys, my dad, my sister, C, Rea, Jamie, Marnie and Ron at my side.

Going Inward.

Waiting to see how this journey will be.

Knowing your love is holding us up.

Knowing mom is our guide.

She will do it her beautiful, thoughtful way.

Thank you world.

Thank you peeps.

Thank you for holding us close.

Thank you to my beautiful mom for letting me journey with her.

This is such an honour and privilege to be at her side.

I LOVE YOU MOM!

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Be Having A Good Morning

Happy Friday the 20th day of advent.

Today, we celebrate mom telling me to stop reassuring her (with an “I’m sorry honey!” at the end) and mom asking me to sit down when I jumped up to adjust her leg pillows.

Little miracles.

Thank you for holding us all up.

Thank you for the nighttime messages. They got us through.

Words. Thoughts. Prayers. They do make a difference.

There is an unseen world we are walking in through mom’s sacred journey.

I am honoured to be with her.

I know ‘O Wen’ is too!

I am overjoyed she just told me to sit down.

Be Driving In Between

That drive between the new city and our old town is truly spectacular.

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the sun sets off to my side as I’m heading south.

i can see deep blue green lakes and mountains near and far.

the purple sky, blue skies, the red skies, orange skies.

the orchards, the trees, the snow on the mountaintops.

BUT my soul is filled with anguish as I leave my mom, as I drive back to my ‘new’ life.

BUT my heart is with my mama, my mama in pain, my mama lying, my mama sick and unable to live her life.

My mama My mama My mama.

Life is such a dichotomy – beauty is all around me in all of God’s creation. I am amazed by the nature that I see surrounding me as I drive.

BUT my heart aches, my heart is broken, tears fall, big huge crocodile tears fall down my cheeks

BUT I pray and I hope and I sit in my pain in the presence of God’s beautiful creation amidst the pain.

Mom was in so much pain today that she couldn’t be touched. All she could handle was a quick kiss on the cheek by the boys. I gave her a kiss on the forehead and it was like I could feel the pain emanating from your body.

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Peace Mama. Peace!

Be Climbing Your Mountain

Mom is climbing a huge mountain this week. This is probably one comparable to her first week in the hospital. We are at the very least in the same formidable mountain range. We are hoping to head down into the valley for a rest soon. Soon. When? No one knows.

This mountain involves nausea (oh how she hates getting sick!), pain in her lower abdomen, inability to eat or drink much. Mom went in on Wednesday to the cancer clinic to get a couple of bags of IV fluid.

Mom is now in the hospital again, hopefully just for the day. She is getting great treatment in the ER – more fluids and good ol’ morphine.

Update: mom went home at 4pm after two bags of fluid. Still nauseous though.

Climb your own mountain today. You can do it one step at a time. Trust God. Look for Him. He loves us all.

Here’s my new favourite mountain in Ktown and my peeps who have made the trek up in the last few weeks.

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Be Learning Lessons From A Hospital Bed

Be present.

Be making a will.

Be asking people to pray for you.

Be honest.

Be talking about the hard things.

Be enjoying my mom’s breath.

Be letting go of expectations.

Be talking about God.

Be talking about death.

Be talking about poo.

Be real.

Be honest and say what you feel.

Be sitting.

Be listening to and learn from other people’s cancer stories.

Be loving.

Be open to any help you can get.

Be humble and gracious.

Be watching for where God is working.

Be eating even if you aren’t hungry.

Be having a good old cry.

Be asking for a hug and let the other person hold you up.

Be letting God hold you in the palm on His hand.

Be full of faith and trust.

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Be Taking It One. Day. At. A. Time.

A storm is brewing around me.

A tornado hovering off in the distance.

What path will it take?

Will it sweep me up too?

A physical tornado almost hits a friend’s home.

A friend’s dog gets lost in a forest during a thunder storm. Thankfully, she was found.

My mother has a mass in her abdomen. Thankfully that has been found.

Our house is mid-renovation and it is hard to see through the dust.

A pool contractor has been lying to both my husband and I over and over and over again.

Our deck area sits in disaster for over a month because of this contractor.

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The storm swirls around me, but hasn’t touched down yet.

I lay on my face and endure.

I get on my knees and pray.

I rest in my Father’s arms and ask for His guidance and help.

He alone knows my weaknesses and my strengths.

He alone has a plan for my life and wants me to prosper.

He alone is God.

I. Take. It. One. Day. Moment. At. A. Time.

YET, my storms compares nothing to Istanbul or Israel or even the poverty I see on our downtown streets.

I. Take. It. One. Day. Moment. At. A. Time.