Tag Archives: God

Be Beauty

I have been overwhelmed with coincidences – butterflies and snow anyone?

I have been blessed with prophetic women.

Now I am blessed with both – prophesy and coincidence. I don’t think I am getting up off the floor anytime soon. Sorry if I don’t respond to emails!

A week ago I asked my A friend from Atown if her daughter would draw a picture for our family. I had heard that this wonderful child has gifts that go beyond understanding. I don’t exactly know what my friend said to her daughter, but this is what she drew:

20140106-234801.jpg
A told me about the significance of the colours from a prophetic art book. I told her that mom was talking about water when she was in hospice and the fact that a few days ago Sexy Neck had picked up mom’s ashes that were in a box.

Scroll back to the girl’s picture and sit with what I just told you. Woah!

But, of course, that is not the end of the story.

Sexy Neck and I were sitting on the couch talking about mom and life when I received the text with the picture from A. She had read my post about grief being like waves and decided to send it immediately.

After I showed Sexy Neck the text, and responded to A, I looked over at the memory tree from mom’s celebration of life. This Douglas fir had cards where people wrote down memories of mom.

I am not sure who drew this, but take a look:

20140106-235704.jpg
Woah! Dude!

I want to share some brilliant and inspiring words at this connection between the word beauty and the parallel pictures, but really I am just gobsmacked!

God is connecting the dots for me when I can’t even put one foot in front of the other without help.

Glory to Him.

Be Riding the Waves of Grief

Wonderful Counsellor.

Beautiful friends.

Inspired women.

Prophetic words.

I have had the privilege to come across a few women with the gift of prophesy or in my words “a way to speak God’s words into their own life and those around them.” I am truly privileged.

My counsellor, whom I started seeing last winter, has this gift.

Every time that I see her she will share a metaphor about my life and this metaphor will be confirmed by two or more people within twenty four hours.

Here is the latest prophetic instalment brought up by my counsellor and confirmed by Emi and Jenny.

My counsellor was speaking about grief. I heard her say that grief is like an ocean. You are going along on your life path when suddenly tragedy strikes and there lies before you an ocean of grief. The only way to get across it is to row. Sometimes the ocean is calm and other times the waves are rough. Waves can also come out of nowhere. But rowing we must do through tears, sun, love, sadness… You get the picture.

Here’s a photo my counsellor gave me. I am looking forward to a ‘calm’ moment while riding the waves of grief.
.

20140105-080459.jpg
As we row this ocean of grief, I am grateful for God’s presence and the prophetic words of those around me.

This is not the end to my wave metaphor, but only the beginning…

After I returned home, I checked my email. My inbox had a message from my University roommate, Emi, who has paved the path of grief by losing her dad last spring.

Here’s Emi and her dad:

20140104-214942.jpg
Here’s what she wrote:

I’ve read through this a few times… Good for thought and much rings true for me…

The link is here BUT this is what struck me: The author is talking about fifteen things they wish they knew about grief.

Number 3 is that grief comes in waves.

Whew, time to lie down, but this ain’t the end.

This morning, we woke up and I dragged myself to cross country ski lessons with the boys. My new motto is fake it til I make it! I shed an ocean of tears behind my sunglasses as I met many friends who had just heard about beautiful mom not joining us up on the ski hill. I was honest and then exhausted.

But God continues to help me walk one step at a time as I ran into Jenny from Elle Mikal. She made the toques for our family. Take a look here and here!

The first thing Jenny said to me is that grief is like a wave. She always thinks about being on a surf board. She told me to grab my bikini to ride the waves.

Riding the waves.

My boys at my side.

Tears falling down.

God is my guide

——-/———/——–/——–/—-/—-

Beautiful photos from Jenny, each with a story I will keep close to my heart.

20140105-102905.jpg

20140105-102856.jpg

20140105-102914.jpg

20140105-103009.jpg

20140105-103017.jpg

Be Leaving a Rose from My Rose

My husband, Sexy Neck, has always been a rock to me. His tower of strength and stability have always grounded me and sometimes annoyed me.

In the last five months since mom’s diagnosis and now her death, Sexy Neck has not only been a rock, but a sweet, sweet rose.

His words have been velvety rose petal smooth to my soul.

He has been sweet to my mom and has always displayed a deep connection to her that goes beyond my understanding.

Sexy Neck has stood by with class as many things unfolded in and around our family.

Today, he saw the rose from hospice sitting in our van. He said, “Why don’t we take the rose and put it on a x-country ski trail for your mom?” This is exactly what dad, our boys and I needed to hear on this first ski without mom.

We carried the rose on the side of the chariot out to Woodland Bell.

20131231-172707.jpg
We skied into a sunny meadow, wrote mom’s name in the snow and placed the rose beside a little spruce tree.

20131231-172818.jpg

20131231-172826.jpg

20131231-172832.jpg

20131231-172848.jpg

20131231-172855.jpg

20131231-172902.jpg

20131231-172907.jpg
Happy New Year to my sweet rose, Sexy Neck, my beautiful boys, my dad, my family, friends and blog readers.

May you have many roses in your life even when you are in the desert and may you stop to smell the roses this year.

35 The wilderness and the wasteland shall be glad for them,
And the desert shall rejoice and blossom as the rose;
2 It shall blossom abundantly and rejoice,
Even with joy and singing. Isaiah 35:1 & 2

Be Snowing In California

I am not sure how you feel about God or prayer or miracles or signs and wonders BUT I DO FEEL VERY STRONGLY THAT YOU ALL KNOW ABOUT LOVE.

How is it possible that this little stay-at-home mom’s blog has gone from 20-50 hits per days, to now 855 today? The LOVE you share for my mom, Gwen, my dad, Mike and our family.

We are overwhelmed by your love for our family through this blog, through phone calls, emails, cards, food and visits. Everyone has used their own ways and their own gifts to love us. Thank you.

Also being a Northern girl we all know about snow. A few weeks ago, I posted about the significance of snow in our life here.

On Friday, when we transferred mom from hospital to hospice, the snow flakes were fluttering out of the sky. I asked Tom, the ambulance driver, if mom could feel the snow on her face. As dad, Sexy Neck, JC, CC, and OC came to greet Nana into hospice, the snowflakes fell softly on mom’s face lying in the stretcher.

20131222-225910.jpg

The next day, I received this email from my old University roommate and teammate, Jill. More snow stories. I love how God brings such miraculous signs and wonders to encourage us. And the greatest of these was LOVE.

Now, here’s Jill:
SNOW IN CALIFORNIA
I’m loving reading your blog. How did I not know you were writing this?

We have so much to talk about but I thought I would share this with you.

I read your blog about the importance of snow in your life.
Last night I was thinking – what if I asked God to snow here?

I never really asked, just thought about it.
In fact I didn’t want to ask, because it doesn’t snow here.

Anyway, this morning I looked out to snow. Tree snow.
The fluff has been coming off daily, but this morning it was like a little snow storm.

Then tonight, Ayla finds these two itsy bitsy Styrofoam bits. She takes one and hands one to me and says Mum let’s have a snow ball fight.

Made me smile and feel so warm.

Looks like you are surrounded by wonderful friends and family.

Your blog has turned so peaceful.

-Jilly

20131222-084805.jpg

Be Losing Something

I have much to ponder after this weekend.
Prayer Retreat.
Visit with mom and dad.
Sexy Neck’s colleagues at our new house for a gingerbread party.
JC losing a tooth.

My life continues to be a little bit of a lot.

The most exciting news is that our oldest lost his first tooth.

20131209-220809.jpgThe tooth was twisting and shaking for a few days, but on Sunday it decided to come out, “Pop”!

20131209-133555.jpg

The reason for the title of the post was my reflection post tooth losing.

My son was elated. He didn’t need that tooth anymore. He knew that there was a bigger and better one coming. He was filled with joy. Pure joy and anticipation of the new tooth to come.

How often do I want to hold onto that old tooth or that old hurt or that old voice in my head that condemns? It seems that many women I know carry burdens, unforgiveness, negative self-talk to the detriment of ourselves.

This Christmas, I will let go of my judgement about the way I look, the thoughts I have that condemn my words and the feeling of never being enough. (Haha! The irony of this blog!)

I know that God wants me to let go of these baby teeth, enjoy the gap and wait to see what bigger and better things will come.

How about you? Is there anything you could let go of this Christmas season on this tenth day of Advent?

Glory to God for simple things, like teeth, that give me such great things to ponder in grace and freedom and love.

20131209-133601.jpg
Let go.

Enjoy the gap.

Wait.

Journey.

The big tooth will come.

Be Driving In Between

That drive between the new city and our old town is truly spectacular.

20131124-180300.jpg
the sun sets off to my side as I’m heading south.

i can see deep blue green lakes and mountains near and far.

the purple sky, blue skies, the red skies, orange skies.

the orchards, the trees, the snow on the mountaintops.

BUT my soul is filled with anguish as I leave my mom, as I drive back to my ‘new’ life.

BUT my heart is with my mama, my mama in pain, my mama lying, my mama sick and unable to live her life.

My mama My mama My mama.

Life is such a dichotomy – beauty is all around me in all of God’s creation. I am amazed by the nature that I see surrounding me as I drive.

BUT my heart aches, my heart is broken, tears fall, big huge crocodile tears fall down my cheeks

BUT I pray and I hope and I sit in my pain in the presence of God’s beautiful creation amidst the pain.

Mom was in so much pain today that she couldn’t be touched. All she could handle was a quick kiss on the cheek by the boys. I gave her a kiss on the forehead and it was like I could feel the pain emanating from your body.

20131124-180342.jpg

20131124-180350.jpg
Peace Mama. Peace!