All posts by Be Enough

Boys, Family

Be With Peeps in the North

June 7, 2014 Be Enough Leave a comment

A long road north.

Incredible companions.

My boys hearts soared.

Freedom.

Family.

Friends.

Tears flowed.

Time was shared.

Memories created.

Life interwoven.

Past.

Present.

Future.

Celebrating my mom.

Holding a new baby.

My heart overflows.

I pray these photos capture one tenth of this deep, rich trip north to my roots, my branches and my growing fruit.

Glory to God alone for how He weaves EVERYTHING together for good.

Thanks for welcoming me home PG!

Our time with Auntie M, Uncle J and our new baby cousin was sacred and beautiful.

We also spent time at lake with some very ‘old’ friends.

Past shared moments.

Birthday parties.

Sleepovers.

Walks to school.

University debacles.

Sports teams.

Now our children meet.

My boys meet these incredible women.

Sharing life.

Visiting mom’s spot in PG! It was a ‘thin place’ for me. We put two types of silk flowers, shells, a silver butterfly and rainbow loom bracelets by JC and CC in the brass base marking Nana’s spot at the cemetery.

My grandparents:

See you soon PG!

Boys, Family, Grief

Be Heading North

June 5, 2014 Be Enough 1 Comment

Heading back to my roots.

Creating memories for my boys.

Mourning my mama.

Meeting with ‘old’ friends.

Driving.

444.2 miles.

714.9 kilometres.

Mr and Mrs. W, our old neighbours who taught me about Skipbo, table manners, diabetes and how to cut THE lawn.

New baby Grace born on my mom’s birthday.

We even saw a MOOSE!

Boys, Family, Grief

Be Living with Memories

June 3, 2014 Be Enough 1 Comment

Memories have been sliding down my cheeks more often these days. In the quiet moments, when the boys talk of their beloved Nana and when I witness my dad’s own tears. I still cannot make ‘sense’ of this new existence without mom. It is completely unbelievably real. The living with ONLY memories is bringing me to my knees. This is neither good nor bad, it just is.

I have the privilege of being on the front line of receiving mom’s things as dad is ready to let them go. First it was food in the cupboard then mom’s cosmetics, then shoes, jackets and now her clothes. I readily take these beautiful things with tears in my eyes. The memories of mom wearing the clothes and seeing things she had purchased to wear this spring that I am living RIGHT NOW is very difficult to comprehend. (Two biking shirts in particular brought tears to my eyes.).

Here is batman (aka CC) pointing to the two boxes of spring clothes I have of mom’s:

Unfolding.

Folding.

Memories.

Laying down.

Sitting in it.

Sitting with.

Memories.

As mom’s clothes sit at one end of our unfinished basement, I have been sorting through our boxes of memories at the other end on my newly painted white shelf. What does one do with old yearbooks, jerseys, trophies… Are my children going to want these things? Do I want my children to be going through them. Perhaps my work now is to make space for them to create their own memories.

Unpacking.

Packing.

Memories.

Letting go.

Giving freedom to it.

Providing space for.

New memories.

God, Grief

Be Painting the Door Blue

June 2, 2014 Be Enough 1 Comment

Last week, I had white paint on my arm and a family friend that I don’t see very often asked, “Are you still painting?” Yes, last week it was a white shelf for our basement. This week it was our front door.

I paint when the boys nap or in the evening when they are asleep. I find these ‘down times’ are the hardest times to negotiate without my mom’s presence. The memories and sense of loss come often and quickly these last weeks.

I am still in the boat on the ocean of grief. The waves have been still and the sun on my face, but on the horizon I sense a storm brewing. One year ago was when I first started noticing mom wasn’t well. Last June, we were living with mom and dad as we renovated our house. They went to VCity to help my sister. They had a night away at The Hill spa, but all was not well with mom. She thought she had a bladder infection, but how could we know the path that we were heading down…

So I paint.

I ponder.

I remember.

I keep moving.

Living.

Trying to make sense of a senseless time.

Holding tight to my faith.

My brush.

My day.

One step at a time.

When we lived in Vtown, we had a great intentional friend and neighbour who was very present in our daily lives. Here she is:

Lizzie in her backyard with the boys.

She has the most beautiful blue door. It is stunning with a handmade stained glass window:

I decided our front door needed a pick me up colour. Blue it is!

Before I painted the door I drew hearts for our family and every visitor that comes through the ‘threshold’ wishing us all the fruit of God’s spirit: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control.

Love.