All posts by Be Enough

Be on a Threshold

How do you explain something with words that is just a feeling?

What do you say to describe a place where only you may be at?

I have been searching for weeks to describe this sense of where I am as I begin 2015.

Suddenly, as I read another woman’s story, it hit me:

“Threshold.”

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A word to describe where I am at.

The best one that I can conjure up.

I am neither living in my past, nor do I feel that I am moving anywhere in the forward direction.

Sitting.

Holding still.

On a threshold.

For those that know me well, they know that holding still is not my forte.

Give me a list.

Tell me what needs to be “done”.

Ask me to organize.

I am your woman!

But not now.

Maybe not again.

My head is still fuzzy.

The grief I feel is deep and raw.

The hole my mom has left in my life is vast.

So I sit, peacefully in my home.

Happy on the ski hill.

Surrounded by love.

Glancing back.

Looking forward.

Just being.

On the threshold.

Be Creating a New Thing

New year.

New eyes.

An old dresser.

2015/01/img_8015.jpgDressed up to now hold Lego.

We have copious amounts of Lego.

Sexy Neck took an old family dresser.

Painted it with old white molding paint.

Added some leftover chalkboard paint, with the boys help.

2015/01/img_8017-0.jpgGlued on the Lego bases that the boys got for Christmas.

Viola!

A new thing.

To help us keep things organized in the new year!

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I am extremely grateful.

Great work boys.

Be Having a Snowy Epiphany

More snow than in over seventy years.

First ‘snow’ day school closures in over forty years.

Days of snow falling.

Big thick snowy flakes pouring from the sky.

Great memories with friends and the three brothers playing together.

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Hours upon hours of creativity and outside snow time.

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/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/491/14178302/files/2015/01/img_7953.jpgIt has been a monumental Epiphany.

Nope, no epiphany for me today.

Another kind of Epiphany.

We are celebrating the twelfth day after Christmas that symbolizes the three wise men arriving from the East to worship the newborn King, Jesus.

Here’s the boys Epiphany play:

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The wise men have spent the last weeks traveling from a faraway box land arriving in our bookshelf stable in Bethlehem.

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We created three ice candles and placed them in our front yard, which is coincidently (or not) to the East of our home. We didn’t realize this was the East until JC pointed it out.

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Sexy Neck read about the three Wise Men and we eventually talked about how we both came to know God personally in a private manner.

My beginnings with God began, coincidently, with a writing journal in my bedroom and for Sexy Neck, he came to know God through snow. Another coincidence?  Hmmmm….

It was a privilege to celebrate Epiphany today and it is an even larger privilege to know a personal God where snow is the gift of “Epiphany”.

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Be Alive (2014)

Being alive is not only the opposite of being dead.

Being alive is also ALERT and ACTIVE

Alert.

Active.

In the last year, my life has being painfully touched with the cycle of life and death.

I have tasted the acidity of death.

I have reflected on the sweet life lived by my precious mom.

As I think about 2014, which started five days after my mom’s death, I am acutely aware that my year could have been different without the prayer of my “people”, the presence of some very wise souls and my brood of boys that surround me.

I would not have survived without these “Saints”!

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(Yup, that’s me on the right after our workout!) 

With my whole heart, mind and soul, I want to shout:

I am ALIVE.

I am ALERT.

God is ACTIVE all around me.

Working things out for His good.

Helping me see His ways.

Allowing me the privilege to taste life anew.

Savouring each workout with incredible women in His creation.

Doing things for the first time, things I thought I would NEVER do.

Enjoying every moment with people I love and adore.

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I am grateful to be ALIVE.

Be Filled with JOY

I think many people are quite curious about me in this season of grief and remembering wrapped up with Christmas.

Curious as to my state of mind.

Wondering how I am doing.

I think I may ‘appear’ to be too happy for some people in my life.

But I am here to tell you I am not happy about many things…and my life has nothing to do with happiness right now.

For me, joy comes with or without happiness.

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It hits me no matter my daily circumstance or season.

Joy is not from me, but a gift from God.

Gratitude, love, joy!

Flooding me, pouring out, flowing in.

It is nothing I am ‘doing’.

I am just ‘being’.

Being present with the people God has surrounded me with.

Allowing my sadness to hit me.

It is one year, less one day, since my mom’s death.

One more ‘first’ to live without mom.

In my sadness, I know JOY will be coming.

The joy of the Lord is my strength. (Nehemiah 8:10)

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Leaning into Him through my struggles.

Thanking Him for ALL I am grateful for.

Watching JOY fill this season.

Merry ‘joy-filled’ Christmas to you and yours.