As I sit watching the sunset, I ponder that ‘something’ I search for. That ‘something’ that will fill feelings of grief, sadness and overwhelm.
That space that I try to fill every time I open my phone to check Facebook.
The hole I avoid when I run away from what I am feeling.
The darkness I turn from every time I sit in numbness, not wanting to feel, not wanting to go down old trodden paths of pain.
But sometimes life doesn’t give us a chance to avoid.
It allows us the privilege to sit up, to notice, to see our grief journey clearly and how much pain we have turned into gratitude.
This search for something that is really nothing outside of us at all.
We can’t avoid living life and why would we want to.
The privilege to be with our people, to see into the eyes of their souls and to get to know them on a deeper level.
Yes, Facebook could do that.
Walking away could help us reflect.
And that darkness I talked about, well, that only helps us see the brightness of the light.
See, I have learned to let go of my sense of judgement as things are neither good nor bad, they just are. I have also learned to be present with what I am feeling, as these feelings are neither good nor bad, as well, they just are!
Then may you look around you at those imperfectly perfect people around you. Building Knex, asking about the birds and the bees, reading books, playing with pillows… are what my people are currently doing.
Neither good nor bad.
Full of strength.
Overflowing with hope.
Sitting in the presence of His peace.
Knowing you are loved.
Searching for nothing.
*written for a special person in our life on this significant ‘something’ kind of day!