Tag Archives: grief

cancer, Family, Grief

Be Sharing A Quote (and a Nana Quilt)

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“As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation-either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.”
Martin Luther King Jr.

My mom sewed this quilt for Owen as she endured her five month cancer treatment journey.

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As she had done for each of the boys, she created a quilt for their ‘big boy’ beds.

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Goodnight wee boys.

Enveloped in Nana’s creativity, thought and labour of love.

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Ironically (or not ironically if you know my latest history with irony – here and here and here…)
Mom gave this quilt to Owen after her death as we found it in her closet waiting for his big boy bed.

Never bitter.

Never complaining.

Never fearful.

Mom.

Side note:
I just found the first quilt I ever made with my friend, Princess P. I had given it to my mom. I remembered how proud she was of me and how she displayed it in our living room. I also knew after many quilting conversations afterwards, that this first quilt inspired her own journey with quilting.

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Inspired.

Inspiring.

Creative.

Mom.

Boys, cancer, Grief

Be Sharing Food Love

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If food was love my house (and my parents) would be exploding!

I am going to give you some insight into the last week. Just the last week! This food has been personally delivered to our doors with a smile and a hug.

Strap yourselves in here we go….

Fresh bread, fresh pie, turkey soup:

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Thanks D!

Apples, pears, grapes and chocolate:

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Thanks retired colleague!

Now, this one I wish I took more pictures of because it was a box of Mexican bonanza: Corn bread, chili, Mexican lasagna, shepherds pie and the fixings.

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Thanks KCAM mommy A!

Today, I had a box of cookies arrive from the Island. Amazing D!

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And now a wonderful woman and a husband of someone who worked with Steve brought over chili.

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My heart overflows with gratitude for the food and the thought.

I probably have more pictures of food on my camera in the last week than my boys. How funny is that?

Food love.

Sharing the love.

Grieving the loss.

cancer, Grief

Be Telling Nana Stories

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I can’t wrap my head around that my mom is dead.

What happened?

I never really understood cancer, how it morphs and changes, how it can consume.

I feel sharp edges of grief.
Rough, hurtful, prickly especially when I think about my mom’s unnecessary pain and hospital stay.

These sharp edges are immediately smoothed over when I hear stories of my mom, our Nana.

Like a soothing balm, these stories cover the edges and ease the pain… until the next wave comes on this ocean of grief.

Last night, we went for a walk to the field at the end of my parents’ street. As we walked, I was remembering walking their with mom, tobogganing, having the dogs out there.

Suddenly JC and CC ran ahead of us, across the field. They sat on two pieces of wood standing up. They sat there for a long time. Then JC called us over. I don’t know what the boys said while they were sitting on those logs, but JC was very clear in what he told me.

“Mom, I sat on those logs with Nana. The last time I had a sleepover by myself. ”

JC was lit up with joy by this simple memory my mom created with him.

Beautiful memory.

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Breathtaking sunset.

Thanks mom!

Christianity, christmas, Grief

Be Asking Me How My Christmas Was

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Ah, dear friends, my heart aches tonight.

My heart aches for my dad who has lost his wife. His retired plans shattered.

My mind hurts for my children who will not be able to experience my mom’s continual thoughtfulness, laughter and excitement for birthdays, back to school and activities.

My body is numb thinking about our future without my mom.

BUT today it also hurts for a lovely woman God has brought into our lives through our children’s schools.

We moved in the summer to KCity, the next day mom was diagnosed with cancer, 5 hospital visits, about 27 days overall in the hospital and mom dying on Boxing Day sums up the last five months. Ah ya, also must add in unpacking a new house, finding activities for the boys, where to get stamps, two weeks of pneumonia for me plus a family bout of stomach flu.

Back to today! S, the lovely lady works at JC’s school. I ran into her today as i went into the main building to drop off a cheque. She was her usual bubbly self and she threw out, “How was your Christmas?”

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My mind stopped. My throat went dry. I thought to myself, am I going to be honest or give the canned answer of “Fine, how was yours?”

I looked at her genuine smile and realized only the truth would do. I answered, “Not great! My mom died!” Her empathy was immediate and caring. She rolled with my answer and didn’t flee (like my neighbours have been doing).

She provided a moment to sit with me in my grief. What a gift from a very lovely woman.

Thank you S! I hope I haven’t instilled a fear in her asking how people’s Christmas’s were.

cancer, Family, Grief, Jesus Christ

Be Living with More Irony

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Good Monday morning friends!

When I first found out about Jesus in University one of my favourite quotes was:
Coincidences are God’s way of remaining anonymous.

Through my experiences the last few months of snow, butterflies and irony, it has become very clear to me that God speaks to me through coincidences.

He speaks very clearly.

Look at all this irony:

Artwork and the word beauty.

Songs and emails.

And now a Facebook message:

A couple of days before my mom died, a mommy friend, C, was working as a nurse at hospice. She had just returned from maternity leave, this was her second shift.

Coincidence = God moment.

During this shift, she took the time to take me aside in the living room to explain what was happening with mom and her body. Mom had transitioned that day and was no longer speaking. I don’t know what I would have done without C’s insight and care for me.

Coincidence = God moment

After mom died, I ran into C at the cross country ski hill. The same night I wrote her a Facebook message to share a few things. She wrote me a message as well and SENT IT AT THE EXACT SAME TIME. 10:17pm

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Coincidence = God moment

Off to lie down again.

Basking in sorrow.

Feeling the sun of love on my cheeks.

Amazed by my friends and God’s love for me.

How do you feel God speaks to you?

If you don’t feel He does, could you ask him?

cancer, Grief, Parenting

Be Saying Thanks

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My dad continues to amaze me.

In each moment, throughout his grief, he has always been thoughtful of who he needs to say thank you to. He has exemplified gratitude through taking the time to express his heartfelt thanks.

With editing help from myself and my sister, my dad managed to get this thank you into this mornings paper. Incredible!

The hardest part of this process was that he was afraid he would forget to thank someone.

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Today, I am feeling sad but filled with gratitude for all my people in PG, Williams Lake, Summerland,Calgary, Edmonton, Vietnam, Kamloops, Kelowna, Spain, Germany, Cowichan Bay, Dawson City, Vancouver Lumby, Coldstream and here in Vernon where I currently row my boat of grief.

💓