Tag Archives: love

Boys, cancer, Family

Be In Calm After The Storm

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Mom is at hospice. She has had a very peaceful and restful day.

Awaiting arrival of Rea, Michelle, Craig, Sydney, Abby and more loved ones.

Mom is well loved.

Time for me to Be Still.

Be with mama soaking up her love, strength, peace.

There is no fear here as we sit just love and peace.

Time for me to Be Present.

Be with mama enjoying her soft skin, her beautiful smile and the light of her eyes.

Sit with my dad in his grief.

Retell old memories.

Create new ones.

Cry with my wee boys who know Nana is going to die.

Get a big hug from my big sister. She gives the best hugs.

Accept any and every hug so that I don’t float away in grief. Thanks to Neil and Steve for doing that for me today.

Sit with my big cousins. I adore them. Admire them greatly.

Soak in my aunts and uncles deep love for my parents.

Say thank you and I love you.

Lean on anyone left standing.

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Nana and I watching Wheel of Fortune and drinking cranberry juice. Well, I watch Nana and Nana is resting.

Peace. Love. Hugs.

cancer, Family

Be Repeating

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We have our time. Hospice tomorrow at 9:00am. Not what we are hoping for, but mom needs to transition to new medication before they move her.

Dad and I are not leaving her side until she is through the hospice doors and in her ‘new home’.

Now we repeat with every painful moment:

Mama, we are here.

Mama, we love you.

Mama, today is Thursday. Michelle comes on Saturday.

Mama, we love you.

Mama, today is Thursday. Wendy and Peter will be here soon. Rea and Gail are coming tomorrow. Michelle is here on Saturday.

Mama, we are here.

Boys, cancer, Family, Parenting

Be fighting for life then death

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Dearest family, friends and blog followers,

I don’t say this lightly nor without the awareness that the words I write can bring emotions, triggers and thoughts.

Yesterday, the surgeon informed as that the surgery was a success but that the cancer had spread throughout mom’s abdomen. It was a mess in there.

Yesterday, we moved from fighting for mom’s life to fighting for mom’s death. Mom does not want to die in the hospital. We do not want her to die in the hospital.

Yesterday, dad and Sexy Neck took a tour of Hospice House. They were overwhelmed with the love, support and homey feeling. They both emphatically expressed that this was the place for mom. They even have a playroom.

Yesterday, we met with the Palliative Care Coordinator we got connected with in the summer through my sister’s diligent connection making.

Here is MM explaining things to mom:

20131219-003839.jpgWhat a lovely, hardworking, caring and strong human being in a nurse uniform. (Reminds us of our midwife!)

Today, we move mom to Hospice House.

Today, we celebrate mom leaving the hospital forever.

Today, we shift our fight for life to relaxing and enjoying time with mom.

cancer, Family

Be Chasing Pain (again)

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This morning, we are working hard at getting the pain under control. Mom is on a post surgery pump where every 5 minutes she has to push a pump to get the meds. We are praying for some breakthrough.

The surgery went well, they were able to bypass the current bowel obstruction. The cancer mass is quite large.

I will try to write more later as I process the information from the surgeon. I didn’t want to leave you hanging. You are holding us up in prayer. You are helping us walk, stay focused on mom/dad/ and keeping me upright.

“Though we walk through the valley, we have no fear!”. My summary of Psalm 23.

Mom has been so thirsty the last few days. She is not able to drink water yet, but she is enjoying some ice chips.

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Mom and dad hanging together.

My sister has sent a Christmas present each day til Christmas. These are the highlights of mom’s day.

Here is today’s gift (Mom even got up the energy to say cheese for the photo!):

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She is such a strong, thoughtful, determined woman! Love you Mama!

cancer, Family

Be Waiting for Surgery

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Waiting, waiting, waiting. It is a waiting game.

We wait for the doctor, we wait to hear about the surgery time, we wait to know about mom’s prognosis.

In our waiting, we sit in sadness, thinking, pondering, wondering. What will be next?

We hear the fan overhead, mom’s IV drip, mom’s deep breathing, the lady coughing next door, the slap of shoes walking down the hall, the click of a door.

I see beautiful Australia photos on the wall, dad rubbing mom’s sore hips, , mom’s lemon lip soothers, my beautiful lunch brought by a friend.

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I feel held up through prayer, thoughts and love.

I soak up mom’s beautiful smiles and dad’s many tears.

Surgery scheduled for 4:00. They are trying to move mom to make room for someone else. Really? Going fight!! NOW they tell me they are trying to move her for mom’s benefit so they can get to know her before surgery. Then the charge nurse told me this is a maternity, children’s floor. I corrected her and told her it was for women and children. Oh she was reaching for straws. We are in interesting times.

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Mama resting in the afternoon sun!