Happy Canada Day! We are wearing the tie dye shirts that we made for JC’s seventh birthday party.
All day I have been singing part of our national anthem, “God keep our land, glorious and free!”
We swam, sang O Canada while eating cupcakes, visited Papa in Vtown, ate together and enjoyed movies together. I don’t think we will make it to the fireworks, but we are very grateful to be together sporting our tie dye Canada day t-shirts!
The storm has poured down on me this year, raining on my head, sleet whopping the sides of my face, frozen eyelashes, paralyzing snow. I am in the perfect storm of GRIEF!
Death is disaster.
Devastating.
Debilitating.
Brutal.
I told someone three times in one conversation that I am not going to allow anything bad come from my mom’s life or death. Guess what?
Death is just bad.
Very, very bad.
Sorry, I can’t wrap this one in a pretty pretend ‘good’ package.
Just bad!
Moving sucks.
Lonely.
Agonizing.
Painful.
Trying to find where to get decent produce, gluten free bread and friends that are honest and not too busy flying around like hummingbirds.
Now a teacher’s strike affecting friends, family and dear Sexy Neck.
School ended last Friday for the summer, two weeks early.
The teacher’s strike for class composition, size and wages.
They walk, they wear signs, they do not get paid.
Their journey is honourable.
The negotiations are a schoolyard fight between two people speaking different languages. The teacher’s union and the Government.
The pressure the strike has put on families scrambling for child care and the administration (including Sexy Neck) still left inside the schools is unfathomable.
Most days I don’t ask. Can’t ask.
As I sit deeply in this year of grief layered with mom’s death, moving, watching dad grieve, watching friendships die and now the strike.
“The Perfect Storm” painted over the last week.
Let a new season come upon our family…
Soon?
A long road north.
Incredible companions.
My boys hearts soared.
Freedom.
Family.
Friends.
Tears flowed.
Time was shared.
Memories created.
Life interwoven.
Past.
Present.
Future.
Celebrating my mom.
Holding a new baby.
My heart overflows.
I pray these photos capture one tenth of this deep, rich trip north to my roots, my branches and my growing fruit.
Glory to God alone for how He weaves EVERYTHING together for good.
Thanks for welcoming me home PG!
Our time with Auntie M, Uncle J and our new baby cousin was sacred and beautiful.
We also spent time at lake with some very ‘old’ friends.
Past shared moments.
Birthday parties.
Sleepovers.
Walks to school.
University debacles.
Sports teams.
Now our children meet.
My boys meet these incredible women.
Sharing life.
Visiting mom’s spot in PG! It was a ‘thin place’ for me. We put two types of silk flowers, shells, a silver butterfly and rainbow loom bracelets by JC and CC in the brass base marking Nana’s spot at the cemetery.
My grandparents:
See you soon PG!
Heading back to my roots.
Creating memories for my boys.
Mourning my mama.
Meeting with ‘old’ friends.
Driving.
Driving.
Driving.
444.2 miles.
714.9 kilometres.
Mr and Mrs. W, our old neighbours who taught me about Skipbo, table manners, diabetes and how to cut THE lawn.
New baby Grace born on my mom’s birthday.
We even saw a MOOSE!
Memories have been sliding down my cheeks more often these days. In the quiet moments, when the boys talk of their beloved Nana and when I witness my dad’s own tears. I still cannot make ‘sense’ of this new existence without mom. It is completely unbelievably real. The living with ONLY memories is bringing me to my knees. This is neither good nor bad, it just is.
I have the privilege of being on the front line of receiving mom’s things as dad is ready to let them go. First it was food in the cupboard then mom’s cosmetics, then shoes, jackets and now her clothes. I readily take these beautiful things with tears in my eyes. The memories of mom wearing the clothes and seeing things she had purchased to wear this spring that I am living RIGHT NOW is very difficult to comprehend. (Two biking shirts in particular brought tears to my eyes.).
Here is batman (aka CC) pointing to the two boxes of spring clothes I have of mom’s:
Unfolding.
Folding.
Memories.
Laying down.
Sitting in it.
Sitting with.
Memories.
As mom’s clothes sit at one end of our unfinished basement, I have been sorting through our boxes of memories at the other end on my newly painted white shelf. What does one do with old yearbooks, jerseys, trophies… Are my children going to want these things? Do I want my children to be going through them. Perhaps my work now is to make space for them to create their own memories.
Unpacking.
Packing.
Memories.
Letting go.
Giving freedom to it.
Providing space for.
New memories.
Our youngest made the plunge and came in our pool today – for the first time, first time!
Refreshing water.
Healing water.
Buoyant water.
Changing water.
Still waters.
Living water.
Blessings to my baby boy as he learns all about water.
We did it! A major milestone. I did not need to push, pull or drag anyone to school this week. All three boys scootered the whole way…
Footprint Days 2014.
Imagine around 200 people walking throughout your neighbourhood on a five kilometre route. Add in bright orange shirts and you have a mental image of what my son’s school organized. They walked four different routes on four nights in a row. There were apples and water afterwards plus each child was entered into draws for different prizes.
We chose to go on Thursday night. The night they decided to go up towards Knox Mountain. Ha!ha! The route ended up being 5.6 kilometres and I laughed as I pushed our stroller with sweat running down my back. I made some mighty footprints. My boys had a great time walking and running with their friends. OC enjoyed watching all the people as he rode in the stroller. I thoroughly enjoyed getting to know a new friend, M!
We are ready to walk:
Looking in front of us:
Looking behind us:
JC with his classmates and CC with his friend J (This photo was taken when we had walked for over an hour.):
Walking together.
Friendship.
Nature.
Community.
School.
Well done everyone!
"Be" ENOUGH 