Tag Archives: mom

Boys, Christianity, Family, health & fitness

Be ‘Moving’ Backwards to go Forward

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My counsellor has been working with me to let go of the Western ideal that we move from point A to point B never to return to ‘old stuff’.

When I continue to go over this old ground in my mind, I feel like a failure, I feel shame and I feel mad.

My inner dialogue goes something like this:
“What this again? Seriously Joanna. Are you really going to have this same conversation again? Are we really going down this path? How could this happen again?”

Thanks to my counsellor, I have shifted this A to B mentally to be more of a deepening spiral. Like a tornado funnel.

Oh I like this analogy because sometimes I have me some wind blowing around me!

Yes, I am going to go over the same road again but I am going to be in a different place on my path, a deeper place. (I am almost 40 you know!).

Last night, was a huge mental shift downward into my deepening spiral.

For weeks I have looked for a once per week hockey program that we could do in Ktown. Do you think I could find one? Nope! Minor hockey, that wants to devour families lives with their three times per week practices/games, is the show in this town.

Sooo….
We decided to take JC out of Grade One forty-five minutes early and drive the boys sixty kilometres back to the town we just moved from so that the boys could play hockey.

They are back at the rink they know.

CC has the same coach he had last year.
Papa was on the ice with CC.
JC got to move up a level.
He gets his own jersey this year.
I get to see old friends each week.
AND THE VERY BEST PART, NANA CAME TO WATCH. Can you see me up and jumping around?

It was amazing night of going backwards. JC’s teacher was supportive of our idea, dad laced up his skates and even went for a morning skate to get ready, lastly mom looked me square in the eyes and said, “I am really glad that you are coming here for hockey!”

Anything for you Mama! Now if only I could meet your request for a new body!

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JC waiting to give his brother a high five before his turn on the ice.

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Papa and CC working together.

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OC watching the action.

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Nana is on the right in the toque.

Sometimes you need to go backwards to move forward. Lesson learned. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Deeper. Deeper. Deeper.

Boys, cancer, Family

Be Playing Living Room Frisbee.

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We enjoyed a wonderful hour with Nana and Papa today. Nana has started to eat and drink a bit. Papa enjoyed an afternoon with M working in the garden.

The big boys made a love message in a bottle for Nana. They were so excited to give them to her.

JC enjoyed showing Nana his schoolwork.

OC loved making his cow noises and laughing for Nana.

CC was very gentle and focused while playing living room frisbee with Nana. It was especially sweet when CC said to Nana, “Good one Nan!”

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cancer, Family

Be Out Of Your Mind

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In this intellectual age where we stick six year olds behind desks to ‘school’ them, where most people work in dreary incandescent lit offices and we eat fast food because it is fast and easy.

Today, I throw out a direct challenge – BE OUT OF YOUR MIND!

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Tonight, my mind fights for every ounce of sense to understand what my mom is going through. But instead, I choose to FEEL deeply as her body heaves and moves. I choose to hold her close and just be present.

Tonight, my mom fights to think of any food that will soothe her weary GI tract. I choose to be OPEN and not push. I let go and allow her space to listen to her body.

Tonight, as we think the cool north wind is threatening of snow, we FIGHT the cold together. Mom hunkered down under a beautiful quilt warmed up in the dryer and a warm cloth comforting her numb feet.

Tonight, I choose to STAY close even if the smell and sounds make my mind want to flee.
I choose to be.
To pray.
To listen.
To be God’s servant.
To serve the woman who birthed me, who loves me unconditionally and who wiped my vomit stained mouth many times.

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Tonight, I AM where I am.
Out. of. my. mind.
Some things do NOT make sense. Don’t even try!
*this might take longer than five minutes.

cancer, Family, Jesus Christ

Be Climbing Your Mountain

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Mom is climbing a huge mountain this week. This is probably one comparable to her first week in the hospital. We are at the very least in the same formidable mountain range. We are hoping to head down into the valley for a rest soon. Soon. When? No one knows.

This mountain involves nausea (oh how she hates getting sick!), pain in her lower abdomen, inability to eat or drink much. Mom went in on Wednesday to the cancer clinic to get a couple of bags of IV fluid.

Mom is now in the hospital again, hopefully just for the day. She is getting great treatment in the ER – more fluids and good ol’ morphine.

Update: mom went home at 4pm after two bags of fluid. Still nauseous though.

Climb your own mountain today. You can do it one step at a time. Trust God. Look for Him. He loves us all.

Here’s my new favourite mountain in Ktown and my peeps who have made the trek up in the last few weeks.

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Boys, cancer, Family

Be Wordy on the Weekend

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This quote reminded me of my dad’s comment this week about our family being in God’s hand. This is the billboard from the church down the street.

Mom met for the first time yesterday with her Gyno-oncologist from Vtown. We received both good and bad news and continue to live in shades of grey (in God’s hand of course).

Here’s the play-by-play recap of the appointment: (my friends always laugh at my sports lingo, so I had to throw some in here to lighten the moment.)

– Mom’s cancer is responding “excellently” to the chemo. (Excellent was what the CAT scan report said.)
– they still cannot give us a diagnosis til after the surgery.
– the goal of the chemo is to put the cancer into remission for as long as possible. (At least until baby OC gets married?)
– mom is moving forward with chemo on Tuesday
– mom will have surgery 500 kilometres away in Vtown. I am not sure how she is getting there – anyone want to loan us a motor home?
– I am sad and optimistic.

Life changes quickly.

Enjoy the one YOU have.

Consume less stuff.

Be with YOUR peeps and consume them.

What a gift my mom and dad are.

cancer, Family, Parenting

Be Diagnosing and Prognosing

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Tomorrow, my mom will finally receive her ‘official’ diagnosis and prognosis. I am not sure what they are going to tell us.

I am going in completed blind.

I sit in fear and trembling, with a humble heart at all the possibilities of this disease called cancer.

My dad told me the other day that God has us in the palm of his hand.

In preparation for tomorrow, I have my list of questions. M, my sister, has her list. My mom wants to know her surgery date in Vtown and my dad is hoping to hear mom’s prognosis.

Friday.
10:45am Pacific Standard Time.
Let the healing journey continue.

Boys, Family, Parenting

Be Eating Together

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My mom has always been incredible at celebrating little and big things as well she has established amazing family rituals.

My mom has:
-volunteered in my boys schools,
– done many pick-ups,
-watched most activities they do,
– buys back to school clothes,
– every holiday the boys receive something,
– birthdays are a big deal,
– mom even makes a quilt when the boys move into their big boy bed. She is working on OC’s right now with help from her friend Audrey.

How does she do it?

I have to admit I do have a favourite mom ritual: eating together at dinner. This usually involves a bouquet of flowers, homemade quilted placemats, nicely set plates and utensils and a yummy homemade meal including a dish of olives that my boys sneak and gobble up even before dinner begins.

On Sunday, we had our first meal in our new house with mom and dad. (We bought it on May 10th)

I just love these two people to the moon and back. It was amazing to have them for both lunch and dinner.

Between meals, mom rested on the couch or on the Nana Cabana outside.

I really feel that a family that eats together, stays together. I wonder what the stats on that are?

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I even phoned a friend and learned how to poach an egg for mom. My foodie friend wasn’t home, but her observant husband was able to give me the details after watching his chef wife all these years. Go Jimbo!

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Boys, cancer, Family

Be Putting Your Microwave in a Corner (on the floor!)

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Having guests in your home always helps you to look at your habits and why you do what you do.

I have never felt good about possibly one of the greatest inventions of our time: the microwave. I rarely use it, probably less than once per week. You can probably tell this by the placement of this machine in our home.

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As my mom struggles to eat, we are challenged as a family to get the MOST nutritious high protein foods in every spoonful that goes into mom’s mouth.

This week, I have been personally challenged to find out about this machine that I didn’t really understand.

But here is what I found out:
– it uses microwaves (this made me laugh) to bounce around in a metal box to heat things up.
– creates hot spots in food or “steam explosions”.
– microwaving in plastic has shown to release toxins into the food.
– decreases the nutritional value of food that is heated up
– differences in opinions on whether it changes the food on a molecular level.
– great for disinfecting you kitchen dish cloth.
– for a product that sits in nine out of ten homes, there is little research on its safety in terms of how they are made or even work.

What am I going to do? Me, I am going to continue to use it as little as possible. How about you? What do you do when you read something like this?

Update: Sexy Neck has moved the microwave to the unfinished basement. I haven’t seen it since. It is now amongst the sea of boxes. I do see him head downstairs with a cold cup of coffee every once in awhile that mysteriously comes back hot.