Goodbye winter! We celebrated our last weekend up at the hill.
Saturday was the last day of cross country ski lessons. CC was very excited about his cookie race. JC loved going down the jungle trail and playing in the trees with his friend, K.
Sunday, OC and I hit the cross country trails again. The big boys strapped on their downhill skis and hit some trails. CC went on the chairlift for the first time. The boys loved the Peanut Trail.
I think my boys will choose to take the ‘road less travelled’.
Ash Wednesday was the beginning of the lent season. Lent is the forty days leading up until Easter. I love this season of lent, pondering and preparing for the meaning of Easter.
In the past we have chosen to give up coffee, sugar, or goodies, but this year I decided to add something instead of deprivation.
In the quiet of each morning, I am reading Brad and Eden Jersak’s book to listen to and learn more from our wondrous Abba Father, God.
This is a precious book where the husband Brad Jersak asks a question of God then his wife Eden shares her conversation with how God answers the question.
I have chosen this spot looking at the orange wall to be still each morning.
Each morning I read a short explanation about a question I could ask God, then I spend time with God hearing what He wants to tell me.
In my family of origin, there have been expectations on how to do things. In most cases, ‘Get er done!’ runs supreme. The quicker the better.
Recently the debate has been on about how to finish off our kitchen. I want to leave the cupboards open. I love my jars. People outside my family of boys have strong feelings that the kitchen crap should be hidden away behind a door.
In our household, we have two distinct ways to lode our dishwasher. One of us likes to rinse and stack before putting them in the dishwasher. The other likes to throw em in and ‘Get er done!’. Guess who did this wonderful stacking?
Is there a right or a wrong way? Really there isn’t.
Next CC and I have had a puzzling week. He is a four year old on fire for puzzles. But I noticed something curious. In my family of origin, we always flipped all the pieces over then did the outside edge first. CC always started by putting the pictures and similar colours first and would even flip over pieces as he went.
Is he doing it wrong? Someone might correct him. Not me! I love allowing my children the opportunity to listen to their own ways to do things.
Today in my anger, I had a breakthrough.
In this Post-Industrial Age where we don’t need to be perfect doing the same task over and over and over. I want to experience more freedom on how to ‘Get er done!’ while being cast adrift on my boat of grief.
In light of my letting go of this mentality of having one way to do crap, I think of John Travolta who mispronounced Indina Menzel’s name on the Oscar’s. I heard on the radio the opinion that he shouldn’t have introduced anyone if he couldn’t do it perfectly. Really? Who can judge perfection these days and who hasn’t made a mistake? We are teetering on a fine line when we expect perfection from our families, people around us and celebrities. Let’s stop hiding and realize there is more than one way to do most crap.
I am grateful for good old John for ‘Staying Alive’. Not only did he show his humanness, he introduced me to my new theme song: Let It Go.
Let it go.
The wind is howling.
I couldn’t let it go.
Heavens know I tried.
To be a good girl.
Distance.
Smallness.
No fears.
No right.
No wrong.
No rules.
I AM FREE!
The perfect girl is gone.
The storm still rages.
But I stand.
The cold has never bothered my anyways.
(Song lyrics from the movie Frozen, thank you Disney for letting me paraphrase).
In my grief, I am learning to hold captive to every moment. As winter comes to a close here, I decided to take the boys for one more skate on the outdoor rink.
JC and CC loved racing and playing tag. OC took his first tentative steps on his ‘cheese cutter’ skates.
We all had a blast.
Yup, those are boats in the background. We are skating right beside the lake.
CC with a full mask of snow courtesy of his big brother.
Well, we did until I started painting it white. As I covered over its dark and smoke-filled bricks with freshness, I began to think of my mom’s four hospital stays:
August 5th to 22nd
October 31st to November 3rd
November 17th to 20th
December 14-20
She spent her finally days on earth peacefully at Hospice from December 20th to 26th.
My mom had previously stayed at the hospital twice, once when she gave birth to my sister in 1971 then three years later when she gave birth to me.
This fireplace with all it’s nooks and crannies, tested my patience, bombarded me with emotions and almost made me give up. But like the hospital, my sole purpose was to keep my eye on my goal. My goal at the hospital was to get the best care for my mom and my goal for this fireplace was to get ‘er done.
I can’t say I enjoyed many moments in my mom’s last week in the hospital fighting for mom not to be moved again, fighting for pain medication and trying to enjoy my beautiful mom. I can’t say I enjoyed painting this fireplace. It took FIVE coats of paint and hundred of thousands of dab dab dab’s with the paintbrush.
I told Sexy Neck that the next time this thing needs to be painted I am going to take a sledgehammer and take it down instead.
The boys had fun attacking the fireplace with paint. It was very forgiving. They had fun!
The final product:
The newly painted double-sided fireplace.
I am afraid this painting has shown me that the fireplace may be done but my hospital journey is not.
I will wait.
I will do my work.
I will heal.
I will be back at that hospital making it better for other cancer patients.
"Be" ENOUGH 