Be Waiting for Surgery

Waiting, waiting, waiting. It is a waiting game.

We wait for the doctor, we wait to hear about the surgery time, we wait to know about mom’s prognosis.

In our waiting, we sit in sadness, thinking, pondering, wondering. What will be next?

We hear the fan overhead, mom’s IV drip, mom’s deep breathing, the lady coughing next door, the slap of shoes walking down the hall, the click of a door.

I see beautiful Australia photos on the wall, dad rubbing mom’s sore hips, , mom’s lemon lip soothers, my beautiful lunch brought by a friend.

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I feel held up through prayer, thoughts and love.

I soak up mom’s beautiful smiles and dad’s many tears.

Surgery scheduled for 4:00. They are trying to move mom to make room for someone else. Really? Going fight!! NOW they tell me they are trying to move her for mom’s benefit so they can get to know her before surgery. Then the charge nurse told me this is a maternity, children’s floor. I corrected her and told her it was for women and children. Oh she was reaching for straws. We are in interesting times.

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Mama resting in the afternoon sun!

Be Hoping for a Christmas Miracle

Mom is resting tonight on Women’s and Children’s. Today, we had a devastating and sweet day as a family.

It is always sweet to look into mom’s eyes, rub her sore hips and hear her voice. Mom never complains through it all. Just asks nicely for her pain medication and often waits patiently. She is very eagerly looking forward to a nice drink of water….

Now into the devastating part.

Mom had blood work and CAT scan. It showed a mass in abdomen, enlarged lymph nodes (since last Scan three weeks ago), bowel obstruction, kidney/uterers partial blockage and some veins blocked. Red blood cell is at 90 and white count is elevated.

The chemo #4 didn’t shrink the cancer. In fact, a tumour has grown over seven centimetres in the last weeks. The oncologist said, “The cancer has changed in how it is acting. It is growing faster.” (the definition of faster I am not sure about.) She has a tube in her nose to drain out her fluid until she gets surgery for her bowel obstruction. She is thirsty. I pray God would be her living water.

Yup, to top it off this bugger of a tumour is causing a bowel obstruction. Tomorrow or Wednesday, mom will have surgery to relieve this blockage.

We are praying for a miracle. That the surgeon will skillfully fix mom’s blockage, she will have a restful post-operation room and that the oncologists will find the right chemotherapy to kick this bugger of a cancer into remission.

The sweetest moment I saved for last, the boys came to say goodnight to Nana. “Wuv you Nana!”

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It was a hard decision to leave Nana but I am hanging out with Papa tonight. I leave mom in God’s hands.

I gave my kiss on the forehead to mom and left her in the hands of the very capable nurses on fourth floor.

I love you mama! Love. Love. Love.

Be ‘Conquering’ Your Pain

Today, I am pondering pain. We all got it somewhere, sometimes.

Today, I got me some pain watching my Mama in pain.

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Sitting beside mom in her ER hospital bed, looking at her scrunched up chin, hands that can’t relax and toes that need to dance now that is some pain.

Mom has been a warrior when it comes to pain management. She tries to take the minimal amount of medication with thoughtful purpose. She doesn’t want to take too much for too long! But even she sometimes can’t ‘conquer’ her pain. Sometimes we all need a little help!

Today, mom made the decision to travel in style via ambulance to get easily into the Emergency Room in Vtown. She said the ride was a bit bumpy lying in the back over those wheel wells. Then, she waited patiently for most of the day to hear that she would be admitted into the hospital. They have her pain managed intravenously and she is starting to relax in this noisy place. Whew!

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Sexy Neck sent me some interesting reading from the Mayo clinic while I was hanging out with Mama. It is great information about cancer patients and pain. Just a little light reading. 😉

This week, I read a quote in a book that went a little something like this:

We can sit in our pain now and notice it or we can deal with it later. But, we will have to deal with the pain sometime.

My other quote for today: “The well is deep, the scoop strong, and the grip even stronger. Holding on to holding on.”

Noticing.

Strength.

Sitting.

Deepness.

Conquering by being present.

Devastation.

Pain.

F*ck you cancer.

Apparently, I got me some anger today too!

Fifteenth Day of advent and I threw out an F-word.

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PS. M, if you are reading this. All the balls are still in the air. Costco shopping is still suspended. We got our peeps in line. Three week cycle unfolds on the weekend. Trying to contact the other M for pain plan. Having difficulty. Mom will be here a few days. Chemo may be postponed.

Be Having Some Sick Days

Happy fourteenth day of advent. Have you found time to breathe, rest and enjoy the waiting?

We have had an ‘enforced’ rest time.

The stomach flu has ravaged our house likes a forest fire. The only tree standing is Sexy Neck. The rest of us have been flattened.

All I can muster, in this moment, is to share a few photos of life hanging around the house the last two days. (We can’t see mom and dad until we are not contagious.)

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20131213-090641.jpgJC took a picture of his fort.

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OC wanted a picture of his Lego creation.

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My couch buddy! Poor CC!

20131213-092759.jpgI broke into the Christmas stash to have the boys work on this Lego creation.

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Airing out the bedding.
Bye bye sickness.
Thanks for visiting!

Be Laughing at What Your Husband Says

Happy advent – day number thirteen! Can you believe that there are less than two weeks until Christmas? I love this simple time of preparing.

Today, I have decided to focus on laughter, amidst the vomit (see tomorrow’s post!)

Sexy Neck has a wonderful sense of humour that produces great big belly laughs in our house.

Over the next few weeks leading to Christmas, I hope to:

– be in my body, not a mind with a body trying to follow it.
– breathe
– notice
– laugh*
* I am going to use Sexy Neck to help me with the last one.

Here are a few ditty’s from my hubby to start us off:

“It’s official JC knows more French than me!” (JC is six and we live in a ‘bilingual’ country, French/English)

“I could see buying it if we had two more children to use it afterwards.”

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” “You guys look great, but Ron couldn’t you at least comb your hair for the event? Jeesh! Not that I’m jealous you got Gramp’s hair gene or anything!” (To his brothers Christmas work party photo)

“I guess you can’t yell at a child lying in bed singing about Jesus!”

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“Boys you need to behave.” says dad while wearing his school bear mascot head.

Be Having a Snow/No Car/God Day

Yesterday was our first huge dump of snow this year. We have been waiting.

This is the twelfth day of December and talking on the phone to my friend on the Island down south, I was griping about the fact that we didn’t have any snow.

AND THEN THE FLAKES BEGAN TO FALL!

Thanks for sending the flakes north, D!

The first snow is very significant for our family because it reminds us of our University days and our journey to know Jesus in a personal way. I had a football player friend who implored me to ask God to reveal himself to me. God did and continues to do so every day. I told Sexy Neck this story and four months later, he had a similar experience with God.

It was September 1995, and it was a beautiful fall University day. Steve asked God if he was real and if he was, could it snow the next day. God loved Sexy Neck so much and guess what, it snowed. Sexy Neck was floored. He couldn’t believe it! He then implored God and said, “God, I need you to show yourself again tomorrow by making is snow.” AND IT DID! Then it didn’t snow for another TWO MONTHS!

God is great! Personal. Real. Alive. He loves us all.

We spent this first snow day at home together hanging out. No car. No schedule. Just time to watch the flakes, tobaggon, create snow angels, make train sets, eat and just BE.

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Be a “KCAM” Mommy

It’s important to have some peeps no matter where you live. It is difficult to live in isolation, as I know.

I’m extremely grateful to these four women that I get to see on a regular basis at school pick-up and drop-off. I called them KCAM women because of their beginning initial and they also represent the piece in a wheel called a cam. A cam helps transforms rotary motion into linear motion.

These four kcam’s have helped me and encouraged me to keep moving forward into this new life in KCity instead of feeling like I am spinning in circles. Oh I would be spinning in circles without these four!

They have helped us find a church, a dry cleaner, a Christmas gift for the teacher, piano teacher and hockey program. They have jumped into trying Bikram yoga with me and told me about other fun things to do in the city.

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Let me introduce you to this fabulous women that God has allowed me to meet:

K – mom of boys
– kind and lovely person to see at preschool and elementary school pick-up/drop-off
– incredible with her boys and the children she nannies
– helped us find a church
– encouraging and real
– track star from down south

C – incredibly thoughtful and kind
– hospitable, has already invited us over for dinner twice and we plan to make it over there soon
– mom of boys
– open and encouraging
– athletic, fit, classy
– moved into a new house this summer too

A – an “old” friend from volleyball days
– someone I was delighted to become reconnected with again
– we moved into their hood (she grew up down the street from us and now lives behind us)
– dropped off a pizza dinner when we moved in (how sweet is that!)
– took me walking to show me around
– athletic, likes to be organized
– super outgoing and friendly

M – someone Sexy Neck (my hubby) met at parent orientation night. M and her husband blew him away with their kindness.
– fellow mom of three
– is a teacher on leave too
– just ‘gets it’
– loves being a stay at home mom
– athletic, fit styling and spends time outside

GOTCHA – this is one half of the KCAM
Mommies:

20131121-215513.jpgKind, lovely, encouraging, real, thoughtful, hospitable, enthusiastic, athletic, open, classy, organized, outgoing, friendly, kind, empathetic, styling, love being moms!

Yup, I would say I am pretty fortunate to be surrounded by four incredibly inspiring and well rounded women during this season of my life!