Tag Archives: cancer

Be In the Light In The Darkness

On Sunday night, I drove in tears to the hospital with the full moon as my guide. Even though I wanted desperately to see how my mom was doing, I stopped by the side of the road to admire the beautiful full moon.

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Today, I had the extreme privilege of driving mom home from the hospital in the beautiful full sun.

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It was an excruciating week, but one where God’s light was so evident.
– we ended up back on the Women’s and Children’s hospital ward. Mom knew all the nurses but one.
– Dr. Daniels is back on mom’s case as her gynocologist. She hasn’t gone on maternity leave yet so we are grateful.
– Mom finally got her diagnosis yesterday. It is stage 3 ovarian.
– my sister, M, was here for a visit on the weekend and was instrumental in getting mom to the hospital. She is a force! She was able to stay until late Monday night.
– Mom had a blood transfusion while she was in the hospital and is getting stronger.
– Mom’s pain is finally under control
– Mom does not have an infection from the surgery
– Mom is eating

As I reflect on these past four days, I am amazed at how I have seen God working. On Sunday morning, I felt God gave me a new word to explore. Can you guess the word? Light! We also started a new bedtime prayer (Genesis1:16)with the boys: God made two great lights–the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.

Do you see a theme? I love how God works. I am holding onto His light because this sure is a dark and painful time for my mama, my family and our friends.

Mom on Sunday:

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Mom today:

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Mom is suppose to have chemotherapy #4 on Monday. We will see what unfolds! In His hands we rest and wait.

Be Pruned (and Mom update!)

Last week, I was watching my boys play on their scooters and bikes when I saw this beautiful Daylily that had grown back beautiful, green leaves since I had pruned it in September. This will give you a hint of the abnormally warm weather we had in October.

On that day, this little plant taught me a very valuable lesson, something I have been pondering for over fifteen years.

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In the bible, the book of John tells us that Jesus says, God is the gardener, he is the vine and we are the branches. Jesus goes on further to say that he prunes us so that we will be even more fruitful.

I’ve never really understood this beautiful picture. I’ve always thought if God is God why does he need to prune us?

Back to my Daylilly in front of our house. As I walked up to it I started having a conversation in my head.

I’m sorry little Daylily. You are incredibly beautiful and wonderfully green, but I’m going to have to prune you. I know that the winter is coming soon and you are going to die unless I prune you. I need to cut back your leaves so that in the spring we can enjoy your beautiful flowers.

After these thoughts went through my head, I wanted to get down and lie on the sidewalk. I have been known to do that before with my prayer walking buddies.

I feel that I am in a season of pruning and sometimes it hurts. It is hard to see those beautiful green, lush plant leaves fall away. For me those green leaves would be: expectations, needing to ‘know’, some relationships, wanting to help. None of these things are bad, but I see that to move forward I need to let these things fall to the ground.

Now I sit, with my people, and I notice.

I try to be gentle with my newly pruned self.

My pruning is neither good nor bad.

It just is.

I allow those beautiful plants around me to give me encouragement.

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Those plants that are amazing at weathering the winter storms.

My counselor, my old Clark Crescent friends, my mommy friends, my prayer warriors, sexy neck and God.

In Him alone I put my trust.

I looked to His creation, His word and His ways to continue to teach me, and to allow me to weather this storm. How do you weather storms when they come?

Mom Update
Mom is one tough cookie! This process is not for wimps. Mom has had excruciating back pain all week due to her surgery two weeks ago. This morning we met with the oncologist to talk about her chemotherapy that she should start next week. This will be chemotherapy number four! Mom is very weak and still having difficulty eating. She also continues to lose weight. The doctor would like her to be stronger before she does her next chemotherapy. This should probably be the last week of November. Mom is greatly encouraged by her grandkids, a friend, Donna, who came for a visit this week as well as by my dad’s presence and my sister flying in tonight. God has us all in the palm of his hands. May you sleep well tonight mama. I love you so very much.

Be Learning How to KeepYour Foot Out of Your Mouth

Have you ever wanted to know how to keep your foot out of your mouth when someone you know/love is suffering? I read a theory the other day that a friend posted on Facebook. I haven’t been able to get this idea out of my head.

I’m one of those people that loves to put their feet, yes both of them, in their mouth. Sometimes at night, I lay awake and wonder why I said the things that I said. Often an email apology or phone call is on my to do list for the next day.

This theory, called Ring Theory by Susan Silk and Barry Goldman, gives me a framework as my mom heals from
cancer to know who to talk to. I’ve had many pitfalls in the last couple of months talking to people in my ring or the rings above me.
When my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I sought out the people that were closest to me. These people were my husband and my parents. My sister also became a larger part of our lives at this time and I tried to seek out support from her. At night, I’ve often wondered why these conversations hadn’t gone well! This theory makes everything come full circle. It all makes sense.

Here’s my ring that I have started to work on. It is definitely a work in progress as I ponder those larger rings.

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My understanding of the theory is that you comfort every single person that is in your ring or in one of the smaller rings. You can complain and say whatever you want to anyone that is in a larger ring than yourself.

The Los Angeles times article on this theory had some great examples of people living with breast cancer and suffering from brain aneurysms. If you want to read more take a look at the link below.
Here’s the article!
Thanks for posting this on Facebook Shank! Shank’s other tip was from Dr. Phil a few years ago, “When you know better you do better!” You are on fire girl! Thank for sharing.

Be Driving Home After Surgery

I have been singing this song all morning. Country Roads. This is the version by Olivia Newton-John, not John Denver.

Mom and dad are driving home in the sunshine today. They should be back at home before dinner. I am extremely grateful.

M was a star down in VCity holding the fort at the hotel, taking meals to the hotel, going swimming with dad and being a great support for mom and dad. Her hubby,C, again held down the fort at home to free M up and even endured the two hour pre-op appointment last Tuesday. What a team!

Nana and papa just dropped in on they way. Yeah!!

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Be Let Loose From the Hospital

Mom was discharged from the hospital this morning. She checked off all the boxes on the list:
– no more oxygen
– oral pain medication
– pee
– poo
– walking around
– eating

How are you doing with these today?

I am realizing on my own healing journey that I need my mind to check in with my body. I have one strong, stubborn, determined mind!

Mom is safely tucked into her hotel room for the next few days. They hope to make the four hundred and forty kilometre trek home on Monday.

Rest well mom! Heal well. May God continue to hold you in the palm of His hand.

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Be giving a hospital update

Hi all!

Here’s mom’s room with a view:

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She had a great morning!

She’s now off of her catheter, taking oral pain medications rather than intravenous and she enjoyed the morning watching curling and talking about shoes with M.

The surgery went very very well. There were no surprises and the doctors are excited to see what the chemotherapy can do.

We are filled to overflowing with gratitude. We have felt the love and peace of everyone who has sent messages and emails.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Be Going In for Surgery

Mom goes to VGH tomorrow (Halloween Day) at 5:45am. She is scheduled for surgery with Dr. Lee at around 7:00am.

They are taking all the cancer and a few organs as well.

The surgeon has said she will be in the hospital for two nights.

My prayer for my beautiful mama:

Mom, may you feel peace as you walk into one of your least favourite places.

May you feel God guiding you with kindness and love through Dad and M your side.

May you sense our love and prayers from ALL of us far away.

May the doctors and nurses have smooth hands and sharp eyes.

May we all see a miracle through you, through this surgery and through the last three chemos.

Mom you are a wonder to me every day – your unconditional love, your kindness, your work ethic, your support for me and my boys.

I love you mom! Heal quickly and see you at home next week.

In Jesus’ mighty and healing name I pray all these things. Amen.