Category Archives: Family
Be Hoping for a Christmas Miracle
Mom is resting tonight on Women’s and Children’s. Today, we had a devastating and sweet day as a family.
It is always sweet to look into mom’s eyes, rub her sore hips and hear her voice. Mom never complains through it all. Just asks nicely for her pain medication and often waits patiently. She is very eagerly looking forward to a nice drink of water….
Now into the devastating part.
Mom had blood work and CAT scan. It showed a mass in abdomen, enlarged lymph nodes (since last Scan three weeks ago), bowel obstruction, kidney/uterers partial blockage and some veins blocked. Red blood cell is at 90 and white count is elevated.
The chemo #4 didn’t shrink the cancer. In fact, a tumour has grown over seven centimetres in the last weeks. The oncologist said, “The cancer has changed in how it is acting. It is growing faster.” (the definition of faster I am not sure about.) She has a tube in her nose to drain out her fluid until she gets surgery for her bowel obstruction. She is thirsty. I pray God would be her living water.
Yup, to top it off this bugger of a tumour is causing a bowel obstruction. Tomorrow or Wednesday, mom will have surgery to relieve this blockage.
We are praying for a miracle. That the surgeon will skillfully fix mom’s blockage, she will have a restful post-operation room and that the oncologists will find the right chemotherapy to kick this bugger of a cancer into remission.
The sweetest moment I saved for last, the boys came to say goodnight to Nana. “Wuv you Nana!”
It was a hard decision to leave Nana but I am hanging out with Papa tonight. I leave mom in God’s hands.
I gave my kiss on the forehead to mom and left her in the hands of the very capable nurses on fourth floor.
I love you mama! Love. Love. Love.
Be ‘Conquering’ Your Pain
Today, I am pondering pain. We all got it somewhere, sometimes.
Today, I got me some pain watching my Mama in pain.
Sitting beside mom in her ER hospital bed, looking at her scrunched up chin, hands that can’t relax and toes that need to dance now that is some pain.
Mom has been a warrior when it comes to pain management. She tries to take the minimal amount of medication with thoughtful purpose. She doesn’t want to take too much for too long! But even she sometimes can’t ‘conquer’ her pain. Sometimes we all need a little help!
Today, mom made the decision to travel in style via ambulance to get easily into the Emergency Room in Vtown. She said the ride was a bit bumpy lying in the back over those wheel wells. Then, she waited patiently for most of the day to hear that she would be admitted into the hospital. They have her pain managed intravenously and she is starting to relax in this noisy place. Whew!
Sexy Neck sent me some interesting reading from the Mayo clinic while I was hanging out with Mama. It is great information about cancer patients and pain. Just a little light reading. 😉
This week, I read a quote in a book that went a little something like this:
We can sit in our pain now and notice it or we can deal with it later. But, we will have to deal with the pain sometime.
My other quote for today: “The well is deep, the scoop strong, and the grip even stronger. Holding on to holding on.”
Noticing.
Strength.
Sitting.
Deepness.
Conquering by being present.
Devastation.
Pain.
F*ck you cancer.
Apparently, I got me some anger today too!
Fifteenth Day of advent and I threw out an F-word.
—————-*————–*————–
PS. M, if you are reading this. All the balls are still in the air. Costco shopping is still suspended. We got our peeps in line. Three week cycle unfolds on the weekend. Trying to contact the other M for pain plan. Having difficulty. Mom will be here a few days. Chemo may be postponed.
Be Having Some Sick Days
Happy fourteenth day of advent. Have you found time to breathe, rest and enjoy the waiting?
We have had an ‘enforced’ rest time.
The stomach flu has ravaged our house likes a forest fire. The only tree standing is Sexy Neck. The rest of us have been flattened.
All I can muster, in this moment, is to share a few photos of life hanging around the house the last two days. (We can’t see mom and dad until we are not contagious.)
JC took a picture of his fort.
OC wanted a picture of his Lego creation.
My couch buddy! Poor CC!
I broke into the Christmas stash to have the boys work on this Lego creation.
Airing out the bedding.
Bye bye sickness.
Thanks for visiting!
Be Laughing at What Your Husband Says
Happy advent – day number thirteen! Can you believe that there are less than two weeks until Christmas? I love this simple time of preparing.
Today, I have decided to focus on laughter, amidst the vomit (see tomorrow’s post!)
Sexy Neck has a wonderful sense of humour that produces great big belly laughs in our house.
Over the next few weeks leading to Christmas, I hope to:
– be in my body, not a mind with a body trying to follow it.
– breathe
– notice
– laugh*
* I am going to use Sexy Neck to help me with the last one.
Here are a few ditty’s from my hubby to start us off:
“It’s official JC knows more French than me!” (JC is six and we live in a ‘bilingual’ country, French/English)
“I could see buying it if we had two more children to use it afterwards.”
” “You guys look great, but Ron couldn’t you at least comb your hair for the event? Jeesh! Not that I’m jealous you got Gramp’s hair gene or anything!” (To his brothers Christmas work party photo)
“I guess you can’t yell at a child lying in bed singing about Jesus!”
“Boys you need to behave.” says dad while wearing his school bear mascot head.
Be Having a Snow/No Car/God Day
Yesterday was our first huge dump of snow this year. We have been waiting.
This is the twelfth day of December and talking on the phone to my friend on the Island down south, I was griping about the fact that we didn’t have any snow.
AND THEN THE FLAKES BEGAN TO FALL!
Thanks for sending the flakes north, D!
The first snow is very significant for our family because it reminds us of our University days and our journey to know Jesus in a personal way. I had a football player friend who implored me to ask God to reveal himself to me. God did and continues to do so every day. I told Sexy Neck this story and four months later, he had a similar experience with God.
It was September 1995, and it was a beautiful fall University day. Steve asked God if he was real and if he was, could it snow the next day. God loved Sexy Neck so much and guess what, it snowed. Sexy Neck was floored. He couldn’t believe it! He then implored God and said, “God, I need you to show yourself again tomorrow by making is snow.” AND IT DID! Then it didn’t snow for another TWO MONTHS!
God is great! Personal. Real. Alive. He loves us all.
We spent this first snow day at home together hanging out. No car. No schedule. Just time to watch the flakes, tobaggon, create snow angels, make train sets, eat and just BE.
Be a “KCAM” Mommy
It’s important to have some peeps no matter where you live. It is difficult to live in isolation, as I know.
I’m extremely grateful to these four women that I get to see on a regular basis at school pick-up and drop-off. I called them KCAM women because of their beginning initial and they also represent the piece in a wheel called a cam. A cam helps transforms rotary motion into linear motion.
These four kcam’s have helped me and encouraged me to keep moving forward into this new life in KCity instead of feeling like I am spinning in circles. Oh I would be spinning in circles without these four!
They have helped us find a church, a dry cleaner, a Christmas gift for the teacher, piano teacher and hockey program. They have jumped into trying Bikram yoga with me and told me about other fun things to do in the city.
Let me introduce you to this fabulous women that God has allowed me to meet:
K – mom of boys
– kind and lovely person to see at preschool and elementary school pick-up/drop-off
– incredible with her boys and the children she nannies
– helped us find a church
– encouraging and real
– track star from down south
C – incredibly thoughtful and kind
– hospitable, has already invited us over for dinner twice and we plan to make it over there soon
– mom of boys
– open and encouraging
– athletic, fit, classy
– moved into a new house this summer too
A – an “old” friend from volleyball days
– someone I was delighted to become reconnected with again
– we moved into their hood (she grew up down the street from us and now lives behind us)
– dropped off a pizza dinner when we moved in (how sweet is that!)
– took me walking to show me around
– athletic, likes to be organized
– super outgoing and friendly
M – someone Sexy Neck (my hubby) met at parent orientation night. M and her husband blew him away with their kindness.
– fellow mom of three
– is a teacher on leave too
– just ‘gets it’
– loves being a stay at home mom
– athletic, fit styling and spends time outside
GOTCHA – this is one half of the KCAM
Mommies:
Kind, lovely, encouraging, real, thoughtful, hospitable, enthusiastic, athletic, open, classy, organized, outgoing, friendly, kind, empathetic, styling, love being moms!
Yup, I would say I am pretty fortunate to be surrounded by four incredibly inspiring and well rounded women during this season of my life!
Be Losing Something
I have much to ponder after this weekend.
Prayer Retreat.
Visit with mom and dad.
Sexy Neck’s colleagues at our new house for a gingerbread party.
JC losing a tooth.
My life continues to be a little bit of a lot.
The most exciting news is that our oldest lost his first tooth.
The tooth was twisting and shaking for a few days, but on Sunday it decided to come out, “Pop”!
The reason for the title of the post was my reflection post tooth losing.
My son was elated. He didn’t need that tooth anymore. He knew that there was a bigger and better one coming. He was filled with joy. Pure joy and anticipation of the new tooth to come.
How often do I want to hold onto that old tooth or that old hurt or that old voice in my head that condemns? It seems that many women I know carry burdens, unforgiveness, negative self-talk to the detriment of ourselves.
This Christmas, I will let go of my judgement about the way I look, the thoughts I have that condemn my words and the feeling of never being enough. (Haha! The irony of this blog!)
I know that God wants me to let go of these baby teeth, enjoy the gap and wait to see what bigger and better things will come.
How about you? Is there anything you could let go of this Christmas season on this tenth day of Advent?
Glory to God for simple things, like teeth, that give me such great things to ponder in grace and freedom and love.
Let go.
Enjoy the gap.
Wait.
Journey.
The big tooth will come.
"Be" ENOUGH 