Category Archives: cancer

Boys, cancer, Christianity, Family, Jesus Christ

Be Living In Birth and Death

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Every day, I now live in birth and death.

Birth of a new day every day, death of my old ways that don’t serve me anymore.

Birth of a new relationship with my parents, especially my mom and death of a past that I desperately want back.

Birth of trying new things, death of letting old things go.

Birth of a freer life and death of old fears that held me back.

Birth of new patterns, death to the same old path.

Birth of new fresh, real relationships, death of relationships that are no longer anything.

Birth to a new big, bustling city, death of a small town that we lived in for almost thirteen years.

Birth of living in the moment, death to planning and expectations.

Birth to new challenges and opportunities every day, death to a stake, fence-sitting life.

God says that there is a season for everything.

◄ Ecclesiastes 3 ►
New International Version
A Time for Everything

“1There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.”

I am looking forward to a new season soon, hopefully next spring.

What do you think God?

Boys, cancer, Christianity, Family, Jesus Christ

Be Seeing God’s Hand.

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In the depth of despair, the busyness of my mind and body I carried throughout my previous days have been stripped away.

The fog that covered my eyes has been lifted, I guess anguish will do that for you.

Gently, I see God tapping me and the people around me on their shoulders, asking, “Do you see me at work?” Interesting on the first day of school, I saw a women carrying this book that I was given while my mom was in the hospital.

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Also on the first day of school, I walked into the schoolyard with our realtor who helped us buy our house as well I saw an old childhood friend, Marie.

Lovingly, I see angels surrounding my parents with love and security, protection from illness and familiar faces.

Amazingly, I sense God’s healing presence in my relationship with many people. Showing me what stuff I need to deal with in my own life and the other stuff that isn’t mine. Oh I have stuff! I need to stay out of other people’s business with God. Get out of the way so that God can do His work.

Gratefully, Jesus loves us all without comparison. We all fall short when compared to God’s glory but Jesus came to be a bridge for us all to know God’s love, forgiveness and grace.

In the depth of sadness, I see God’s hand in action touching me and those around me.

Thank you God for helping walk through my anguish.

Boys, cancer, Family

Be Having an Healing Chemo #2

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Mom starts the first day of school in our household with her second chemotherapy session tomorrow at 8:30am. (The exact time JC starts Grade One in his new school in KTown).

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We are praying that this chemotherapy will go much better than the last one as mom is no longer battling dehydration. bowel obstructions or pain/nausea that was out of control.

Mom had her pre-chemo blood test and doctors appointment last Friday. Her white cells, platelets and kidney function were all good, but her red blood cells were low. (She was at 83, normal is 118.). The Doctor recommended that she either go into the ER to get a blood transfusion or they would postpone the chemo appointment for Tuesday and do it then.

Can you guess what my mom did? Can you imagine her postponing something?

11:00am on Saturday morning (of another long weekend. You can see my post of the August long weekend here!), my mom went to the ER and let the journey begin.

– 4 different nurses with multiple needles trying to find a vein.
-1 anaestesologist who was in surgery who finally arrived and got the needle into the vein in ten seconds flat
– arrival back on the second floor Ward from hell, but reunited with wonderful nurse Jackie. You met her here. I love how God weaves our lives together.
– mom was admitted onto the ward but refused to put on a gown.
– 3 bags of blood and mom was ready to leave. Time 4am.

Mom had a restful few days trying to recover from her latest hospital experience. She even made it out to her favourite country cafe for breakfast with dad, her sister and our good friend Wendy.

Mom, we are cheering you on from down south. May you feel better after this latest round of chemotherapy. You are incredible and an inspiration to all.

“Air hug!” (I haven’t been able to give mom a big squeeze in a few days as I have managed to get a cold – boo!)

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Boys, cancer, Family, Jesus Christ

Be Surrounded By God At The Skateboard Park

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Before I had my boys, I was never one to frequent the skateboard park.

As I stood at the park today, I realize I was afraid of them because they were an unknown entity. I had a lot of fears as I have gone through my life, but now with mom’s cancer diagnosis, time in the hospital and journey home, these fears are insignificant.

Today, I chose to take my boys to the skateboard park. And not only did I get to see my boys rip around the park in the rain, but God showed me His sovereign love.

God’s love was expressed through the boys freedom to try new things, the grace they give each other when something goes ‘wrong’, and the joy that flows through them as they zip around the park.

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I don’t doubt that these words were put down in the bottom of the skateboard ramp were put there for me on this day. I also don’t doubt that the only way I can walk through these days is because of the prayers of the saints that walk this earth with me – thank you my saints!

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“Faith. Hope. Love. You are loved!” Thanks for the reminder.

cancer, Family

Mom is home!

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We just received a text from our big cousin holding down the fort in Vtown:

“Nana has left the building!!!!”

Mom is making her way back to her beautiful home and garden. Dad is her sidekick helping her on the journey ahead.

At home, they have a nurse coming in every day to check mom’s vitals, blister packs of pain killers and anti-nausea meds, a new chair for hanging out, a cleaner coming every couple of weeks and everyone ready to help out as needed.

My dad has also taken a cooking course and made his first chicken broth from scratch as well he has learned how to give mom a needle. Go dad!

Next chemo is on September 3rd. Enjoy being home Mama!

Pictures coming soon. I just had to share the news.

cancer, Family, psychology

Be Asking For Help

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I have a hard time asking for help. Whew, I said it!

Until recently I have viewed asking for help as a sign of my own incompetence or a sign of weakness. Really, I should be able to do it all right?

Now I don’t give a shit. I am completely humbled and gobsmacked by this whole thing.

Yup I haven’t shaved my legs since my mom went into the hospital and I don’t care.

I don’t have the energy to really do more than care for my family, a few close friends, spend time with my mom and pray. Sorry everything else is bonus.

So in a moment of weakness, at least that’s how I perceived it. I sent out an email to ask for help.

And was I ever blown away – people offering to let us stay in their house, hospital toys for the boys, friends stopping in to our new house with new pool toys and special salad dressing, a few treats for me and food: Soups for mom, food for our family visiting, muffins, cookies. And all these treats have been delivered to the hospital. I don’t think this hospital has seen such fine food before!

I am definitely going to ask for help more often. What a blessing! What a way to show love. I have always enjoyed helping others, but being helped isn’t so bad either.

Thanks for blessing our family.

Here is what one of my boot camp bible study buddies dropped off today.

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Lasagna dinner and treats too!

And here are the new pool toys arriving at our new house. Thanks CC and your beautiful blonde.

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cancer, Family, Uncategorized

Be Getting Ready To Go Home

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Wednesday – Day 17 in the hospital for mom and possibly mom’s last day in the hospital.

Bye bye room.

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We can see the light. This afternoon, my sister, M, heads back south to join her girls and C. She has been here the entire 17 days.

Mom “got out on parole” from the hospital and spent a few hours at home today. Here she is enjoying the view from their porch

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Mom has a few hoops to jump through before she is able to go home full time:

– off her oxygen – done!
– bowels moving – awesome!
– able to take medication by mouth – yeah!
– off her IV – working on it today.

Once she is at home, she will continue her chemotherapy as an out patient and prepare for surgery in the big city near M in October then more chemo after that.

Me, I am going to go back to blogging about life with my boys.

Enjoy every day and create many memories with my family and friends in our new home, especially my mom and dad.

We might even get adventurous and put some pictures on our walls.